How did you broach telling family about a donor conceived pregnancy?

[wishIwasonholiday10]

Any tips on how to tell my parents about a donor conceived pregnancy? If you have been in this situation did you tell them at the same time as announcing the pregnancy and were they supportive? I’m not sure what their attitudes to egg donation are, I know people gave a range of opinions on this. Obviously plan to tell the child so do want to be open about it. We haven’t told them we were trying for a second child so the announcement will be a surprise.

I never told them. I didn’t see what it had to do with them.

I told my parents, they were very supportive. Didn’t tell anyone else though.

I wouldnt consider the child my grandchild.

I would be pleasant, civilised, give gifts etc but I wouldn’t include them in my will or do childcare.

It’s nobody else’s business but yours.

My friend carried twins from donated eggs and husbands sperm. Her family dont know. It’s irrelevant for others to know.

Why do the rest of the family need to know? It has nothing to do with them…

My word. You're a cold fish. You wouldn't consider a baby that your daughter carried for 9m to be your grandchild. That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard.

I think people have the right to know if a child is genetically related to them or not. I doubt it would change the way anyone felt or behaved but if the child is going to be told then everyone else need to know too?

You can’t be serious?

I can’t tell if you’re trying to be satirical or if this is a genuine reply????

@maximalistmaximus if it was the only way for your child to become a parent would you still have such a harsh attitude? I would definitely not tell someone who would react like you . How do you feel about adoption?

@maximalistmaximus That was so ridiculous that it made me laugh out loud which I assume was your intention.

@PashaMinaMio seriously? Even if your daughter had said child? 😂😂😂😂😂

I’m sorry but you clearly have some personal work to do on yourself. Being a fully grown adult and adopting that attitude? You have the maturity of a 12 year old boy.

@PashaMinaMio sorry wrong tag 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

With an attitude as bigoted as that I wouldn’t want you around my child anyway, least of all trust you with childcare.

Good luck using inheritance as a means of bending people to your will. I hear that always ends well.

Other people love their kids more than you love yours

And if your child adopted a baby? You’d genuinely not include that child, who your child would raise and love as their own, in your will alongside any biologically related babies your other children had?

How wicked that would be. If I was your child and found out your relationship with me and my children was based on DNA over all else I would be disgusted and distance myself hugely.

That’s awful

My DH was adopted so my DDs are not genetically related to PIL. They still very much have a good grandparent and grandchild relationship though.

and if your child adopted a child you would feel the same? this is so limited

WTF? I don’t think I’d want you to do childcare anyway! With that attitude you probably wouldn’t see me again so you wouldn’t have to worry.

Another post recently suggested @maximalistmaximus view isn’t as rare as people might think. Many commenters said they’d privately feel similarly but would never say it.

Well aren't you just a lovely ray of sunshine! What a terrible thing to say!

I didn’t tell anyone beyond my parents (my eggs and used donor sperm although was married to ex-DH at the time)

Nobody has ever questioned it. In fact it’s funny how often people will remark on how much the DCs look like ex-DH… people see what they want to see I guess.

My only concern is how I tell the DCs when they’re older, and I didn’t want that message to be clumsily delivered by someone else before that time.

Thanks all for the advice! The main reason for telling them is we plan to tell the child at an appropriate time and wouldn’t want them to feel like they have to keep a secret from their grandparents. I really hope my parents will treat both children the same (my first is also IVF conceived but with my own eggs). Personally I don’t think DNA relationships matter and my own grandma (the only grandparent I really knew) was a step-grandmother rather than blood relative.

Blimey, that’s harsh!