Starting out

[mrsawhite]

Hello

Due to genetic issues it's looking like DH and I won't be able to have children the usual way. And using a donor egg has been spoken about. Absolutely clueless. So can anyone give advice? Is this something you can have done on the NHS or do you have to pay? How do people get their heads around it? And how would you explain to the child later on? Lots of thoughts going around my head! Thanks!

I'd suggest contacting the UK Donor Conception Network charity for advice and information about counselling/books/being put in touch with others who've used donor eggs (I used donor sperm rather than eggs so cannot advice personally, sorry).

As for help on the NHS, it's difficult to know as as it will depend very much on your own local CCG's rules (there isn't a UK standard) - so you need to google your CCG's IVF guidelines or your GP might be able to point you in the right direction.

I'm sorry you are in this situation OP. I've TTC 10yrs, 3 losses and no cause for sub-fertility found. Al my losses were due to different genetic issues due to older eggs though. Last year, the consultant said that due to my age now (early 40's) had I considered a donor egg. No, until then, I hadn't even thought about it.

I did some reading, but we haven't proceeded any further. My limited understanding is that IVF might be covered via NHS if you meet the criteria for IVF in your area. Some have a max BMI, some only accept non-smokers and others either don't provide any NHS IVF at all or have other restrictions.

A donor egg in the UK apparently provides more info about the donor than abroad. The child can also ask to find the donor when they are 18. There are UK sites which will tell you, height, hair colour, skin colour, ethnicity, education etc about someone.

When looking abroad, countries have their own rules and the donor isn't always traceable to the child in later life if they want to find out more. I think Spain was an example of this I looked into. Some countries, women are paid, so that is a consideration as to WHY they are donating their eggs! With such little info about the donor women I'd read about other issues/worries. You might choose a donor from say Spain, but that donor might actually be ethically Japanese, Nigerian, Russian etc, so you may have no indication of physical characteristics the child might have.

I'm sure there will be others with actual 1st hand experience, but this is the limited info I've found so far. Best of luck OP

Yes, I forgot to mention that (thanks pp!). I think just as for donor sperm, in many countries egg donors are still anonymous unfortunately - which causes some ethical issues as experts now believe people conceived with donor gametes should have a right to find out who their donor is once they are ready (if that's what they want). From my reading/research before I used a sperm donor, nearly all donor conceived people do want at least to have this information about their biological heritage - and some may also want to meet their donor or some of their donor siblings if there are any, so you need to be prepared for this

So while it may be much cheaper to go abroad rather than the UK - do consider this factor too for your DC's sake. All parents- to -be using donors (egg and/or sperm) in a UK clinic have mandatory implication counselling, encouraging us to tell the truth to our DC from a very young age - as it has been proved that it's usually secrecy rather than being donor conceived itself that causes psychological hurt and potential distrust or anger at their parents (too many people in the past have found out via a relatives comment or even the now more commonplace ancestry/dna tests ).

The UK thankfully has mandatory non- anonymous donors now - the donors name and contact information is apparently given to donor conceived adults on their request from age 18 (providing you have used a UK clinic - even if you imported the gametes here from abroad).

In the UK this is done from a central government agency - the HEFA, but in other countries you could be reliant on the good will of the individual donor bank if your DC want information, even for clinics in countries where non-anonymous donors have been used.

Hey OP,

I'm in a different situation as I chose to be a single parent so can't advise on the egg donor part. But about donor-conceived children :
I got the sperm from Denmark, where it is possible to use anonymous donor sperm (it's cheaper). I chose to have open-ID donor sperm though it was more expensive because :

• I absolutely believe it is the child's right to know if they choose and experience has shown that it is important to many such children to know. I also believe that making it a big secret and a big deal makes it harder for the child to deal with it emotionally, as opposed to being open and matter of fact about it.
• open ID profiles had more info available and made it easier to pick a donor and feel confident about my choice.
• although a child may be able to track down an anonymous donor, the fact is that an open ID donor is more likely to react well to meeting the child and is more likely to have good or altruistic reasons to be a donor.

I appreciate that in my case, being single, it's easier because in a couple the non-biological parent may feel insecure about the situation. They may feel like they're pushed aside, that the child won't see them as their real parent, etc. In my experience that's not true at all - curiosity about one's biology does not make you less a parent - but those are legitimate and reasonable fears that should be addressed prior to going for donor conceived children.

Hi! I'm sorry you have to face this and it may look hard at first to deal with it.

There are lots of books and movies that talk about this and how to approach telling the child.

What most psychologists say is to be open and honest from day one.
Parent is the one that raises the child, that spends time with, that has been there in every toothache and heartache and tantrum.

I will need sperm donor but they said that there is a possibility that I will need an egg donor as well, so I've prepered myself for having no biological connection to my kid.

It's a lot to take in, but once you do, you will feel relieved x Wish you all the best, and if you need someone to talk to message me x

@mrsawhite I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with donor egg ivf twins (my husband jokes we got 2 for the price of 1). I don't know whether it's available on the NHS as we already have a daughter so not eligible for NHS funding.

I found the procress not too difficult and we were lucky enough to be matched to a UK donor within a few weeks. Also luckily enough to be successful I our first attempt. We did a fresh cycle in which my cycle was matched to the donor.

I am extremely grateful to our donor and can never express my gratitude. We will be completely honest about this process with our twins when they are here and able to understand, right from the start. And I know they will be able to contact the donor when they reach 18. This is actually one of the reasons we went with a UK donor.

But honestly they feel 100% mine and Im already feeling a strong emotional connection to them. In terms of bonding during pregnancy it feels exactly the same as it did with my daughter (who is genetically mine).

If you have any specific questions I'll happily try to answer

@Donimo we are also just starting out and I wondered how you found an egg donor in the UK so quickly? We have been looking into reprofit as the wait time in the UK seems so long, reprofit suggest it can happen in three months where our IVF clinic in the UK states up to a year.

We have had five losses in the last 2 years due to my balanced translocation so feel donor eggs are our only option.

@Alwaysworried247 we looked online and found uk clinics who were advertising UK altruistic donor egg ivf. We then phoned around each of them for more information. We narrowed it down to 2 clinics who we liked and both suggested approx 3 months wait to be matched with a donor. This was TFP Nurture Fertility and Manchester Fertility. The wait times are influenced on your ethnic background as well though. We were incredibly lucky in that we paid the deposit to be placed on the waiting list and were matched to a donor a week later (although I believe that quick is very unusual).

I'm 36 weeks pregnant after donor egg IVF (just one baby though!) I don't know about the NHS as we went private. I get the impression most people who use donor eggs go private, but I'm possibly wrong. What has already been outlined by PP about the difference between the UK and abroad is very true and one of the reasons we stayed in the UK for treatment. We went through the London Women's Clinic and the associated London Egg Bank. You buy frozen eggs with them, Id release at 18. Some people think that afresh transfer is better, but it worked first time for us and I'm very happy with the route we took

@NotMyDayJob I realise that this is an old thread, but we're just looking into donor eggs and I saw you went via London women's clinic. Just wondering how the process was? Did you look at any other London clinics? It seems like the London egg bank is the best bet from a timing perspective because they have the greatest access to readily available donor eggs. The lister told me that the wait time with them would be 6 months plus...

Although it's called the London Women's Clinic they have branches all over the country and I had treatment up in the North East. They all use the London Egg Bank though and once you've bought your eggs they ship them to whichever clinic you're having treatment at. Certainly from an availability point of view it was best for us, first consultation to transfer was less than two months. And our first transfer worked (baby is now nearly six months), but I didn't look at any other London clinics.

Hi @99pctpractice I recognise your name from IVF threads. I've recently had my 9th unsuccessful transfer which was my last embryo, so looking at moving to donor eggs (as well as donor sperm, since I'm single). I have been thinking about it for a long time so it's not a sudden decision.

Similar to you, my usual clinic (not in London) has told me that a match with a fresh donor will likely take 6 months. Then once matched they'd start treatment on their next cycle, so it would be about a further 2 months before a transfer. Eight months before even transferring feels like such a long time... I want to give myself the best shot and success rates seem to imply that means a fresh donor, but frozen eggs could potentially get you there faster. I know all too well that nothing with IVF is guaranteed but I'd be devastated to use a donor and get no blasts and pretty nervous if I only got one.

What I can't find an answer to is whether the lower success with frozen eggs is because some don't survive the thaw or is the problem that frozen eggs produce poorer blasts? If it's that some don't survive, it feels like you could potentially offset that risk by buying a larger number of eggs... does anyone have experience and could share how that dread 'funnel' of no of eggs to fertilised to day 5 went for them? I know it will vary from person to person. I can assume no male factor as I'll be using donor sperm. Thank you.

@lucymills1234 I'm so sorry that your last embryo transfer didn't work out, that must have been so gutting. I wish ivf was the magical solution i initially thought it would be. I wasn't able to make any decent embryos for the last 3 cycles (we only had a 5 day blast on my first cycle) so it just seems futile to try to continue with my own eggs. My oh apparently has "optimal" sperm so it's definitely my issue. Still pretty hard to get my head around loss of genetics though, I'm thinking of getting some counselling again.

I think we'll probably take our chances with frozen eggs and hope the differences in success are marginal. I just don't feel like I can exist in this limbo land for another 6 months. Also, from what I've heard there's the added uncertainty with fresh donors of them catching covid, not being able to take time off when you want to move ahead with the cycle etc and I like the knowledge with frozen eggs that once we decide to move ahead it can happen on our timetable. Of course, that's all subject to finding one that we think would be a good match....

There is definitely another layer of attrition on defrosting the eggs - LEB say a c 93% egg survival rate apparently. They estimate that you should get 2-3 embryos from 6 eggs. But you never know if you'll be the unlucky 4-5% who gets 0. If you go for 10 eggs then there's a much higher likelihood of success because you're expected to get 4-5 embryos. Given our past history, I would rather the odds of at least one embryo being potentially viable from 4-5 than 2-3, to be honest. I'd love to know anyone's actual experience of the attrition from egg to embryo as well.

I'm considering pgt as well even though it isn't advised - after 2 miscarriages, if I'm lucky enough to fall pregnant, I just don't know if I can face the anxiety of not knowing if it'll continue to stick until 12 weeks when nipt test results come back. Oof. The mind fuck of infertility.

Hi @99pctpractice it looks like we have many of the same questions. Attrition is the thing that worries me, too. I'd worry that having 1 or 2 blasts wouldn't give a decent chance of success. Especially as I have had so many failed transfers already - I'm told that's because of egg quality but I have a niggling worry (which of course I'll discuss with my consultant) that there might be something else going on.

Like you, I'm erring on the side of frozen because the thought of waiting so long or fresh seems unbearable. You also don't know how many transfers it will take (if it works at all). I'm really feeling that sense of time marching on whilst I'm stood still - but of course am actually getting older. I'm resigned to being an older mum now but naturally want to get on with it already!

Much as I wish money wasn't a consideration, it is. Going for donor eggs at all will be a massive stretch of finances given how much I've spent already and whatever I do next is very likely to be the last thing I can do. So the thought of getting few/no blasts from a donor round is terrifying.

What are your timings - are you making decisions imminently or still in research phase?

Hi all. @lucymills1234 I've followed your struggles for a while and I really felt for you. I am single as well but rather than donor egg + donor sperm I am going the donor embryo route. The clinics I have spoken to mostly seem to have a guarantee that you'll get a certain number of embryos for transplant. I am not sure whether they are embryos they already have in storage, or they are created for me, mind you.

One clinic said they do single 5-day embryos, or 2x 3-day embryos, depending on what is available which matches my appearance.

I am still scouting about and learning... there is just so much to learn in all this!

Hi @lucymills1234 I want to go sooner than later. I'm 41 and while I know that lots of people do it and it's fine, I'm worried about being too much older and being pregnant. Like you, I also don't want to be too old a mum! My problem has been even getting blasts, but I understand why you'd be concerned about other potential issues after the number of transfers you had 😢 - hopefully your consultant has some helpful suggestions.

We're just trying to figure out which clinic at the moment : we're already through the consultant process with the LEB so looking out for any good matches with them, but Care is a bit cheaper (a round of 9 frozen eggs with them costs less than 6 eggs with LEB), but you have to register for £500 before they'll let you see what frozen egg donors they have and they won't even tell me how many donors they have on the list on average which spooks me a bit. Esp as I think we're a bit specific on characteristics (we're both fair, tall and blue eyed, which all sounds a bit aryan race when I put it down in writing but I guess we do want a child that won't look out of place with us). We're definitely stretched now financially so really want to maximise our chances, rather than having to do multiple donor ivf rounds (which I understand can happen even with donor - oof!!!). It's an additional cost, but I do quite want to get some counselling before we start to make sure I have processed some of the grief of loss of genetics.

Whereabouts are you in the process? Have you spoke to any clinics yet?

@99pctpractice fancy seeing you here!

Hi all, I'm now starting the donor egg journey as well, currently doing a lot of googling and feeling very overwhelmed!

Ha ha - hi @beckyCarlos !! Sorry to see you here too - yes, Google is both friend and not that helpful.....there doesn't seem to be as much info around on donor as on normal ivf. I'm still trying to figure out how it all works!!

Do think about joining or phoning the Donor Conception Network for support for you and your future child. It has other members who are where you are now or further on with donor conceived children or using donor egg in their treatement. It has been a great resource for me from when I was first starting to now where I am a solo mum with 16 year old twins!

www.dcnetwork.org/

C xx

Hi @greenlee thanks for the message. It certainly hasn't been easy! I did look at the donor embryo route a while ago, and I felt very positive about it at first. I believe it's embryos which were created by other couples undergoing IVF who now feel they've completed their family. However the more I thought about the donor route, I felt it was important for me that the child is able to find out about their genetic origins if they want to. That's obviously a really personal decision but for me it feels the right one. That means staying in the UK, or maybe looking at Portugal. All of the clinics I saw offering embryo donation seemed to be in countries with anonymous donation. Keep us updated on your progress!

@99pctpractice Yes, the number of transfers I've had is a concern... Waiting for months for a fresh donor when I might need multiple transfers, have losses etc worries me (if it ever works). I need to have the consultation following my latest failed FET next week, but in the meantime am doing my research. I've spoken to Altrui, but find it a bit misleading that they say a donor in 6 weeks when that doesn't include any of the testing etc - which takes it to more like 4-5 months, which isn't much different to my current clinic and is a lot more expensive, plus I'd have to travel to London for appointments.

I looked at LEB as well, and Care. Like you I don't feel comfortable paying £500 to look at Care's donor pool that might not include anyone suitable, and there's no refund if 6 months, or a year go by without any match.

My current thinking is to have my consultation, find out the success rate of frozen eggs at my current clinic (they have their own small bank) and then make a decision. I've made peace with the loss of genetics, for me the decision is a blend of maximising chances but also cost/timings. I know it may sound a bit reckless but unless chances with frozen eggs are significantly less, part of me would rather get on with it and know where I stand so I can then either have more time to save to go again, or decide if it's time to stop.

How's your research going?

Hi ladies,
Just wanted to share my own experience with donor eggs (using partners sperm, who does have some issues).
For our first round we received 6 frozen eggs and had 2 x 5 day blastocysts. We were pleased to have this initial outcome.
The first round ended in an early miscarriage (I have had one previous MC using OE and one CP using OE in the past). Unfortunately the second round ended in a BFP. But I suspect these failures are down to my body/issues rather than egg quality.
We are about to embark on another round using a different donor, using frozen eggs. This will be our final go at any kind of IVF or trying to conceive as it’s been an 8 year journey and I’m about to turn 44. But I guess my point is I was pleased at ending up with 2 blastocysts out of 6 eggs and hoping for a similar result on our upcoming round.
Also, if you go on to the Care website there are lots of forums with people discussing their current experiences on their DE journey (around the country at different clinics) so any questions you have specifically about Care and number of potential donors could easily be answered if you ask on there. In fact, I know so much about the procedure at Care and amount of donors I almost wish I had gone with that clinic!
Good luck on your journey x

Thanks @PositiveThinkerAlways that's really helpful. I will take a look at the care forums, but we actually ended up buying some eggs at the weekend from London egg bank! A donor came up who we liked the sound of and they apparently are an "excellent" physical match to me and have the same blue eyes as my husband, so we just went for it. They were 35 which makes me nervous, but there were 10 eggs and they have proven fertility, so I'm hoping that the odds are on our side. We just have to clear the paperwork and then hopefully we can get cracking next cycle!

How are you getting on @lucymills1234 ?

Hi all
I had treatment at LWC and London Egg bank and DD was born this year. I gained a lot of info from other posters on here at the time. We purchased 10 eggs but ended up with 12. Out of these eggs five became blastocysts. We have male factor issues too so were pleased with the number of blastocysts. I’m happy to answer any questions on the process and wish those also moving to DE good luck.

Hi all,

@PositiveThinkerAlways thanks for the pointer about Care, that's really useful. I hope that that round goes well for you - do you mind me asking who you're using? Will you go for 6 eggs again?

@GreyGoose1980 congratulations on your daughter! Was she born from your first DE transfer or did you have a few attempts? 5 blasts from 12 eggs is great. How was your experience with LWC in general?

@99pctpractice Congrats on buying your eggs and moving forward! Did you have to have a consultation before you could buy eggs? 10 eggs is a great number to go with. Did they indicate what timelines are from here in terms of when you'd be looking at a transfer?

I feel so nervous about not getting any blasts that I'd like to go for 10 eggs, but treatment is going to be a stretch financially and I also have sperm to buy (about £1500). LED/LWC quoted £10,300 for treatment with 6 donor eggs. The eggs are just under £5k of that meaning £5k for the rest of the treatment. That feels quite a lot because my OE IVF rounds (so including egg collection) were a little under £4k each, ex. meds but including HFEA fee and screening tests which LWC charge extra for. If I wanted 10 eggs with LWC it goes up to £12,550. This is outside London.

If I compare to my current clinic, they charge £7,500 for treatment with 6 frozen eggs so nearly £3k less. For 10 I'd be looking at £11,500, so then the difference is not as much but £1k is £1k!

I'm waiting to find out whether my current clinic have any frozen eggs from donors that are a good match. If not, no point in waiting to start the process with them (there's a month's wait just for a kick-off appointment). I'd probably go with LEB/LWC instead but as I said, I feel really nervous about buying only 6 eggs.

Keep me posted on how things progress for you!

Congratulations for taking the first (brave!) step @99pctpractice Im super chuffed for you.
I found the DE process much less stressful than OE and things go very fast once you have been matched with a suitable donor. It can start as quick as your next cycle.
I think proven fertility is a good criteria to look for and again, this is a regret with my first round as we chose someone with no children so I will always wonder if there any have been an issue with the eggs. Stupid I know as it’s much more likely to be an issue with my body given my history, but these thoughts creep in.

@lucymills1234 I completely understand the cost element of this process as it all adds up and when I think about the amount of money I’ve spent so far, it can be really depressing. We went with Manchester fertility as their fees were a lot lower than others we looked at. In 2021 we paid £10k for 2 frozen DE cycles, but I think the prices have increased since then. We live down south but the saving of £3-£4K was motivation enough to travel for treatment and pay for a baseline scan at a local clinic. We are guaranteed 6 eggs for each round.
It’s definitely a personal decision as to how many eggs you decide to have, and as you are paying for all treatment by yourself it’s a decision that does need a lot of though. I’ve followed many DE (frozen) threads online and generally a lot seem successful on the first or second round. It gives me a lot of hope!!