Starting out

[mrsawhite]

Hello

Due to genetic issues it's looking like DH and I won't be able to have children the usual way. And using a donor egg has been spoken about. Absolutely clueless. So can anyone give advice? Is this something you can have done on the NHS or do you have to pay? How do people get their heads around it? And how would you explain to the child later on? Lots of thoughts going around my head! Thanks!

@lucymills1234
I had DD on my second attempt (double transfer). I found the clinic overall good, as most people are, I’m probably influenced by my outcome. I found the admin and communications channels frustrating, which added stress to an already stressful process. It was getting better as I left though so I think they were aware of this and we’re redesigning their systems and processes . However I found the medical expertise and the new tests and routes they explored for me to be excellent (I attended implantation clinic) and had confidence they were able to investigate issues and possibly offer me a successful outcome.

Hi @99pctpractice How are things going for you - have you gone ahead with using the 10 eggs you bought yet?

Hi @lucymills1234 we're on the way - egg thaw was today! So fingers crossed some fertilise overnight and we have some embryos make it to day 5 (the dream for me after my most recent ivf rounds!!) and can transfer on Saturday 🤞🤞🤞 I found it quite sad at my baseline scan when there were 8 follicles knowing that we weren't going to try to recruit them, but otherwise I'm getting my head around it more over time.

Yes, the expense is crazy. I don't understand how it can cost basically double for a DE egg round BEFORE the eggs. this round will cost us £15k using 10 eggs. I also find it a bit of a mockery that the amount that the egg donors get doesn't vary based on the number of eggs retrieved (it's fixed at £750), but clinics can charge an extra £2.5k for 10 vs 6 eggs. So that is pure profit for them. It is crying out for some more regulation, the clinics are really just taking advantage of people at their most desperate and vulnerable. At least my meds only cost £200 odd for this round though, compared to own egg stims it's been a bargain!!!!

How have you come along in your decision making process? Have you made any decisions around clinic / fresh vs frozen, etc? Hope you're doing ok.

Hi @99pctpractice How exciting, seems like I asked at just the right time! Everything crossed that you have a good number fertilise. Did they already tell you how many thawed ok or do they only know that from the fertilisation? Would love to hear how things track for you if you're happy to share.

Yes, costs are crazy. You definitely feel that eggs are a commodity in the DE world. My understanding is that donors aren't stimmed as much as people might be if they're older or are poor responders, so it's not even that they needed lots of meds which would contribute to the cost.

Costs have had a huge bearing on my decision making, as well as time. I'm still cautious about lower success rates with frozen vs. fresh but my first decision was to ahead with frozen, so then it came down to where to go for that. I really liked some of the donor profiles on LEB but realistically the costs are beyond what I can stretch to. My current clinic has a small egg bank of their own and fortunately they have donors whose profiles I like. Those donors only have max 6 eggs available which does make me nervous, but I could only afford maybe one more anyway. The round with 6 eggs is £7.5k, then I need to pay for donor sperm and my meds on top. I'm hoping to go ahead in the next couple of months.

I'm terrified by the thought of spending about £9k+ and ending up with nothing on day 5. There's no way I could find funds to try again, probably for a year or more. I know more eggs would give better chances, but I can't afford more eggs. It's either go ahead with what I can spend and hope for the best, or don't go ahead at all.

Lots of luck over the next few days, hope it doesn't drag too badly.

@lucymills1234 yes, it's all still such a gamble. We found out all 12 eggs survived the thaw but we only had a 50% fertilisation rate...the clinic estimates we might get 20-40% blastocysts at day 5, so I'm not feeling optimistic at all....I really thought we'd have a higher fertilisation rate given that it's both icsi and with ivf we had a 90-100% fertilisation rate so I have no idea what went wrong this time. Maybe icsi doesn't agree with my oh's sperm? I'm feeling really floored. I thought we'd get 2-4 embryos and now I feel like we'll be lucky to get 1. Feeling very glad we had more than 6 eggs because we could have a 0% fertilisation at this point if we did. They don't do a day 3 update, so I won't know now until the morning of transfer if there is anything to transfer.....i feel like I should be ready for the prospect of failure from this process, but it still hits me every time!!! Honestly, if we come out of this round with nothing to show for it, I will know that it is not meant to be...

@99pctpractice I'm sorry, that sounds really frustrating. It's obviously something to check with a doctor, but I think I read that with frozen donor eggs, freezing makes eggs more fragile which could mean fertilisation is lower. I was looking at an old article on the BBC News website where Robert Winston had given a really low stat about frozen eggs. That article quoted some HFEA data that gave a fertilisation rate of 49% with frozen eggs, though that was about 6 years ago.

Definitely a relief that you had more than 6 (doesn't bode well for me!). Is the clinic adamant about not giving a day 3 update? The absence of news is always horrible. Remember that these eggs are from a younger donor so from 6 there's still a really good chance of getting a couple of blasts. I know from experience that nothing I say can give you reassurance because it's the news from your clinic on day 5 that you want. But you're certainly not out of the running with 6. Think of it this way - many people going to LEB only buy 6 eggs, so you have as many fertilised as others have to start with. If they didn't feel that was sufficient to give you a shot, they'd increase the minimum package.

Hi @lucymills1234 yes, the clinic were adamant about no day 3 update. I am pretty sure it's private equity owned - not sure if that has an impact on the way they manage patients, but I definitely didn't feel like there was the same level of "care" for patients as at aria or Argc. It has been a much more clinical experience!

So, after my fertilisation panic, we ended up with a much better outcome than I expected - transferred a 4aa today and there are 3 embryos in the freezer (I can't remember the exact grades but I think the highest was 4bb and the lowest was 3cb, so a bit of a range). Feeling very weird about it - I'm not sure if that's because it was a donor egg or because the transfer was such a clinical process. At my first transfer, the nurse held my hand and I was very emotional about it all and it felt kind of magical. But it could also be because we're 5 rounds in now and so I'm a lot more realistic about the chances of a successful outcome...or I might just be in shock that we got this far! It is definitely a big relief. Keeping everything crossed that this is the one and it implants!!!

Congrats @99pctpractice thats an amazing result for you and especially after feeling so despondent about the fertilisation rate.

4aa is a great embryo to transfer. Hope the tww passes quickly and fingers crossed this could be the one.

@lucymills1234 I posted a long time ago on this thread so I have had a notification of your update. I just wanted to say good luck. I am currently breastfeeding my 4 month old twins who came from a single 4aa embryo using a donor egg. This was my first attempt with donor eggs. Hoping you get a good outcome too

Hi @domino it’s @99pctpractice who’s had the 4aa transfer…

Hi @99pctpractice wondering how things went for you, if you’re happy to share?

Hi @lucymills1234 so it is good news so far. I had a positive pregnancy test and then did a couple of blood tests to make sure my hcg was moving in the right direction at 4-ish weeks. I have a 7 week scan booked in for 30 Nov, but seeing if I can get a private scan somewhere else in the meantime because I'm still super anxious about it and would rather know sooner than later if anything isn't right!

How are you getting along? Have you chosen a donor?

Hi All, I just wanted to add my recent experience at the Lister using donor eggs as hopefully it will be useful to future readers. We were on the waiting list for 18 months and finally received seven eggs from a 28 year old donor with children of her own and a live birth to another recipient. The signs were good!

Unfortunately, four of the eggs did not thaw properly, the remaining three did fertilise but then two embryos died off by day three. We transferred the remaining “average” embryo at day three (as I did not see the point of spending another £600+ to culture to day five when the embryo was average) and I got a BFN on Thursday. All in all a disappointing result.

The nurses were lovely and the doctors encouraging but realistic and I was prepared for a negative result from the outset, but the thaw went worse that I thought it could (I had read generally 85% success rate in thawing and ours was 43%) and that seemed to set in motion the negative result. I can see from reading these posts that you can get a great result with six frozen eggs so it really is a lottery.

Hi all. So sorry for not replying for an age. Sort of took some time off thinking about everything. Really good to read others stories and experiences though. We are about to go on the waiting list. Will see how it goes!

Hi @Caitrionac21

just wanted to say that I’m sorry to read your update, you must be feeling really disappointed.

I too am having bad luck with my DE experience. I bought 6 frozen DEs, the max I could afford and that were available from the donor. They were thawed yesterday and two didn’t survive. Of the four remaining, today I learnt only two fertilised. My clinic had advised a 90%+ thaw success rate and a good fertilisation rate (think they said 80%). So to lose a third of eggs in the thaw and for only half of the remainder to fertilise feels incredibly gutting and like you beyond what I feared.

I have to hope that the two remaining progress but after 4 OE rounds I know the attrition rate from day 1 to day 5 can be brutal. This isn’t a position I wanted to be in where I’m looking at having nothing to transfer and another £9k+ of debt.

@99pctpractice I hope all is progressing well for you?

Hi @lucymills1234 , thank you for sharing your story. I’m really sorry to hear you have had this sort of experience too. I do wonder about these 80 and 90% statistics the clinics talk about…

I’ll keep my fingers crossed that the two embryos develop well over the next few days and you get to transfer and beyond 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼.

Hi @lucymills1234 I'm so sorry, that's gutting. We had a 50% fertilisation rate too, and I thought it was all over, but of those, 2/3rds made it to blast, so my experience of de was that the rate from fertilisation to blastocyst was significantly better than with oe. All fingers crossed that your two make it 🤞🤞🤞

I've made it to 10 weeks, which feels like a milestone but i have a scan and nipt test tomorrow and I don't think I'll stop holding my breath until we're through to 12 weeks. But grateful to have made it this far! Really hoping that you have success with this round, I'm rooting for you.

So nice to have a positive story, @99pctpractice!! Best of luck 🤞🏼

@99pctpractice wooo! 10 weeks is amazing! So pleased for you 😍

Thanks @beckyCarlos and @Caitrionac21 ! Still very anxious but have booked a scan next week when I should be 12 weeks (nhs one isn't until 14 weeks) and hoping that if all is well then, I might start to relax....

@lucymills1234 really hope you had some embryos to transfer. All fingers crossed for you xx

How is your 12 week scan not until 14 weeks?! The NHS is mad sometimes. Fingers crossed for your private one 😊 glad to hear youre still doing well x x x

Our eggs are in our clinic and we're looking at an early Feb transfer 😬🥰 I'm nervous, its so less involved than traditional IVF! I feel a bit like I'm missing something, or should be doing something [in reality I'm drinking...not quite like a fish, but I keep going 'oh I'll have another gin, may as well make the most of it...'] 🤣

ooh @beckyCarlos that's exciting! yes, i was the same beforehand - given that if everything goes to plan you won't be drinking for 9 months, it would probably be churlish for you not to have the odd gin now ;)

Looking in DE myself - love to know how everyone is getting on on this thread xx

Hi Laura, welcome to the thread! For our part, we took a break from things last year/ early this year after having such a poor result with the frozen eggs from the Lister. But eventually we got in touch with Altrui and happily they matched us with a donor after just seven weeks (had told us it would be 12-24 weeks) and the process for a fresh egg donation is now under way (implications counselling for the donor then for us, scan for the donor then for us etc). We’re taking it one step at a time since it’s an uncertain process (Will the donor drop out? Will she respond poorly to the medication?) but we’re hopeful 👍🏻. We were at the DCN Annual Conference in April and talking to people who had been successful with this route helped us believe it will eventually work for us too. But god, it’s been expensive and drawn out!

Hey Laura! We used Care, we'd done our IVF with them and I felt anxious at the thought of changing clinics, teams, etc (we're in Leeds as well so not a huge choice without travelling). After a booking type fee (i think its £500 non refundable), an initial chat with an egg donation coordinator, you get access to their online egg bank and you can look at all the frozen eggs, filter by characteristics etc.

Everything was fairly quick, we picked a batch in Nov and were on a cycle by Jan. I ovulated (the irony, I have VERY diminished ovarian reserve and was a disaster with my own eggs, cycle 1 one egg, cycle 2 NO eggs) on oestrogen so that cycle was off, and qe did another (plus fyremadel to truly suppress ovulation (highly unusual lol). And... I'm currently 25+2 🤞🤞

I found everything very...uninvolved...after IVF, but I think the lack of stress was good for me. Feel free to ask any questions, either here or on DM, I'm an open book! X