Starting out

[mrsawhite]

Hello

Due to genetic issues it's looking like DH and I won't be able to have children the usual way. And using a donor egg has been spoken about. Absolutely clueless. So can anyone give advice? Is this something you can have done on the NHS or do you have to pay? How do people get their heads around it? And how would you explain to the child later on? Lots of thoughts going around my head! Thanks!

Oooh congrats @beckyCarlos ! Hope it all goes smoothly for you from now on!!

Hi @LAURAPAX ! I had a little girl 6 weeks ago (our first shot with LEB). Right up until the end of my pregnancy I was pretty stressed about whether we'd made the right decision going ahead with donor eggs and how it would impact how I would feel about the baby, whether I'd feel like "the mother" without a genetic connection etc. I did not really bond with her while she was in my tummy. Now she's here, I don't think I could feel any differently about her if she was made with my own eggs. And while I don't know how she'll feel about it in the future, I hope that she'll be secure enough that I am her mummy not to feel "different" because of it. We still haven't told anyone else that we have gone the donor route so perhaps that'll throw up some family dramas in the future, but I care a lot less what anyone else might think now that she's a real live person in my arms. Wishing you lots of luck!!

Just to add, we are moving clinics to King’s as I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to the Lister after all the failed attempts there! Horses for courses.

And yes, big congrats Becky! That is great news and makes us hopeful for the future!

And @99pctpractice fantastic news!! Delighted for you. And another good news story from donor eggs!

Yey 99!!! So pleased everything went well for you 🥰

Cateionac21 I 100% would have moved if I'd had any sort of bad feeling about my clinic. We knew we were probably chasing a loss trying to use my own eggs (but that one we got I did have a pregnancy with, it just ended at 8 weeks, and my consultant is a good judge of character, he said it'd always play on my mind if we didnt have another shot (and could afford it, which we were lucky to be able to do)).

Its different for everyone, but anyone important to us knows baby is from a donor egg, but I had to make sure I was in a really secure place to tell people to bollocks if they didnt like it before we did it lol. I was petrified telling my dad, I told him the whole sorry story, miscarriage, donor, new pregnancy, at once and to his credit he just cried and said none of that mattered 😭 then I cried, then we were all happy.

Noone has said (to my face anyway lol) anything negative, they're just happy for us. And I've always, even before my lacking ovaries, been open to fostering/adoption etc. I love the bones of this baby inside me, and only hope to do them justice when they arrive! (And that I didnt eat one too many dry crackers when I couldnt eat much for about 14 weeks, and thats they only thing they'll eat when theyre older lol) x

thank you so so much for updating on your stories @Caitrionac21 @beckyCarlos @99pctpractice and massive congratulations too you all you have all made amazing strides forward and with great success which fills me with hope and positivity.

I am not sure of the background of your journeys and I suppose I am in a 'fairly' early stage of mine but at 37 yo (started trying as soon as I turned 36) and two miscarriages in the first 6 months - it has been a complete mental torture I could not have possibility comprehended at the start. First miscarriage was natural at 6 weeks after 2 months trying, really sad but obviously understood 1 in 4 etc. Then fell pregnant two months later and was like no way could this happen again but I found out just before Christmas 2022 that i had a MMC. It was awful. Two in 4 months. I then got ill after my D&C and was admitted to hospital where I found out I had gallstones so needed an operation to remove my gallbladder. This was in end of March this year. I am a healthy person, regular exercise, good BMI all the good stuff. Anyway ready to try again and then nothing...stopped ovulating no sign of anything. I had initial fertility testing done after first miscarriage in Oct at Kings and it was largely reassuring as decent AFC but was flagged my AMH was on the lower side of averge for my age. So since stopped ovulating been to see a specialist recurrent miscarriage consultant and starting ivf now. I have my first egg collection in a few weeks. My AMH and AFC have dropped quite a bit since Oct so i feel like I am in last ditch attempt mode.

I can not even believe I find myself in this situation when seemingly all my friends / people of similar ages are having babies no issues at my age. We are investing our whole life savings into this and it just hurts so bad.

I also now have suspected endo and i believe this is a factor for low AMH and bad quality eggs - there is obviously an issue with my egg quality (partner all fine) hence I am already exploring and getting my head round the donor route as i genuinely think this is a good option for us.

Sorry to pour my story out but it does really help to see people who have come through the other side. Would be good to keep in touch xxx

Aw love I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds like a rollercoaster, and one that'll probably be familiar in one way or another to all of us.

We started trying when I was 32, went to the docs at 33, FSH was 16.4, AMH was 2.1, AFC was 4 (thats total, not on each side 🙈). We needed ICSI because my husbands sperm are dire too (sidenote you always need ICSI if you use frozen eggs).

Good luck with your IVF! But also good on you for thinking about all eventualities, I did the same because I just had a feeling thats where it was going. I think you know if donor eggs are for you when you first know it might be something to consider, your gut will tell you. But, statistically, you've exactly the same chance with donor eggs as your own if you weren't having any challenges, which is 'good' as far as anything in this shitstorm is!

Some clinics do 'good' 'packages' of donor egg IVF, dont get me wrong its still so expensive and sometimes drugs are on top (although were talking a couple of hundred not thousands like mt IVF drugs were), but they give you a bit of reassurance (e.g. ours was 16k, two 'rounds' of donor eggs if needed, but all scans, bloods, transfers etc are included in that) x

Oh @LAURAPAX, what a story. You poor thing. It’s a shock at 37 I’m sure. Wishing you all the best for the egg collection and come back on here if you have any other questions. We’ve done a few rounds of IVF between us on this thread.

As for my story, I conceived my son no problem at 34 but then had such a dreadful birth at 35 that I couldn’t face getting pregnant again until I was 38.5. Cue two miscarriages bringing me to 40 and the terrible news that I was in the bottom 10% of fertility and my chance of success with my own eggs was 1% 😩. Fast forward to 42 and various rounds of IVF and then an 18-month wait for seven frozen eggs, which ended up going the way of my own eggs! And now 43 and trying fresh egg donation with a kind soul who has offered to be our donor and give my now eight-year-old a sibling.

@beckyCarlos , I’m really so thrilled for you and your 25 week bump! You give me hope. And @99pctpractice , ditto! Thank you for sharing.

Oh @LAURAPAX it sounds like you have really been through it. I'm so sorry that you had two miscarriages and in such a short space of time, I had one last year and was absolutely devastated, so can't imagine what you have been through. Good to hear that you have a decent afc (which for me was a more relevant indicator of ivf outcome than amh, which can fluctuate quite a lot - when I first did ivf my amh was 2.7, afc was 11 and they retrieved 9 eggs). It must be distressing not ovulating, but you don't need to ovulate for ivf as they do all the work for you, so all fingers crossed that your ivf is successful. Sending lots of hugs!!

We started thinking about DE for the 2nd child. But I feel all should start asap as I don’t know if I want spend more time waiting and contemplating. I’ve been thinking about this the last year. I’m 43 now. Now feels both scary and exciting at the same time.

Hi everyone, just wanted to let you know where I am currently up too - its not a good start sadly, after having 11 AFC on my baseline scan I now have 7 AFC during stims and they are not growing well. My left ovary is basically not doing anything and my right has 5. I am meant to have my egg collection on Wednesday and I am not even sure if it will go ahead. I have to go back in on Sunday for another scan and bloods. I just feel so crushed and dont really know where to go from here. They cant up my meds because I am on the max dose which I didnt realise. I just can't understand how I can have 14 AFC in Oct 2022, 11 in June 2023 and now 7 during stims. My reason for IVF was to test due to natural miscarriages now I am terrified I am not going to even collect any eggs. Honestly I dont know how I am going to get through and keep going. I know I need to take one day at a time but I just feel everything is going against me I haven't had one bit of positive or hopefully soon since the whole sorry story began. I feel crushed. xxxx

*news. Sorry I am feeling so sorry for myself x

Hey Laura, if there's anywhere you can feel sorry for yourself it's here with us! Sorry to hear you're having a bad time (again!). I can't your AFC, but I can sympathise, I've never had an AFC higher than 4 (two on each side) but on stims I had 2 folicles growing, both on one side, and absolutely squat on the other. Unfortunately for some people the antral follicles just dont respond to stims to become big follicles with eggs.

But.

It sounds like one of those things people say, but you really do only need one good egg for this to be successful! With my measly 2 follicles I got one egg, and that egg was a fighter! It survived ICSI, 5 days of growing, and almost 9 weeks inside me (disingenuous perhaps but I like to 'blame' my husbands sperm for the outcome, I survive on decaf and dark humour...).

So much of this is down to luck, but you've got 5-7 chances growing right now! You're not out until you're out! Sending lots of love, this is incredibly difficult, and I dont think anyone else can truly grasp how hard it is to have a hard time.doing something youre 'meant' to be able to do so easily x x x x x

Thank you @beckyCarlos <3 I've spent the last 24 hours just crying and feeling so alone and such a failure. I do not understand why my body is not reacting positively to the stims - I am always a great candidate for everything else and have no issues with other medicines doing their thing.

I do hear you on the quality count and only takes one but as I already know egg quality is an issue (miscarriages) and now my age and the way I am responding I know it is unlikely I am going to have any decent quality eggs with my low and slow follicles. I think I am now truely mourning my very much lack of being able to (ever hopefully) have a baby with my own DNA. It is so painful for me right now. I feel like I can barely function. I always saw my life with a baby and have been with my partner for years I just didnt think or was aware of how hard it would be to actually have a baby and stupidly thought I had loads of time as honestly everyone I know has not had any issues which I have gone through. I do not know one person who has had ivf that I can talk to in real life. I have a lot of regret that I am trying to deal with and that is having a severe impact on my outlook and mental health at the mo.

I am sorry that you also experienced a miscarriage - it is honestly such a difficult event to go through but glad you gave yourself the closure to have another go at OE and then feel confident to move on. Did you fall pregnant on your first DE cycle? I hope you are feeling well and enjoy the bank holiday weekend. I am going to curl back into bed wishing I could wake up with a baby of my own and it all be over xxx

It is so so hard, but you made the best choices you had with the information you had at the time, you wanted to be in a good place with a good partner and able to take best care of a child, that is not a bad thing x x x x take as much time as you need and try to be kind to yourself x x x

I know a couple of other IVF people in real life who were sanity savers, but noone who needed a donor, even my midwife and everyone I've seen at the hospital goes (in a nice way) 'ooh! Egg donation! Let me check x y z, I've not met someone who's done that before' (but they're always kind, and very excited for you).

Yes, it was my first cycle, and it was lucky because we had 6 fertilised eggs and only one blast from them (definitely my husbands fault 🤣) x

@LAURAPAX I'm so sorry, I think most on this thread have experienced the excruciating process of oe ivf not working out how we thought it would. It's very cruel when our bodies don't play ball, and there are so many variables at play it's impossible to know what to change or not to change. I have been in the same place of abject misery and desperate sadness over my crappy eggs, so sending you so many hugs and all fingers crossed that you had better news at your apt on Sunday 🤞🤞🤞

@beckyCarlos @99pctpractice 4 eggs collected today ladies 😭😭😭 I mean how do I even have any hope. Xx

@LAURAPAX congratulations on getting through ec!! My first round of 4 eggs, 2 made it to blastocyst so don't count yourself out yet - all fingers crossed that your lucky egg is in there 🤞🤞🤞

Omg 4!!! Thats amazing!!!!!!!! X

3 out of 4 were mature and the 3 have all fertilised. Will get a call sunday to confirm day 3 - they are freezing on day 3 as I am I going straight in for another EC and then plan to PGTA test due to miscarriages. Is this a win? I hope so xx

Amazing!! I'd definitely be calling that a win 😍 good luck with your next round! X x x

All 3 made it to day 3 so have been frozen xxx

Aw amazing!!! Well done!!! X

Hi Ladies, just to let you know had my second EC today. 4 eggs again. Was on a lower stims protocol this cycle. I pray all 4 are mature and fertilise and survive. At least 4 eggs isn’t worse than the 1st round but am concerned it’s not increasing. Gahhhh. Fingers crossed for me please. Hope everyone is doing ok xxx