Could they not have implanted 3 day embryos instead? It seems a waste for them not to consider it when blastocysts are unlikely for older women.

Hello! What a tough road you've had so far - I'm so sorry.

So, I'm 42 and moved to donor eggs a while ago. (Not successful yet, unfortunately; just gearing up for another round.)

It basically became evident that my eggs weren't going to get anywhere, so it seemed sensible to make the jump. Emotionally, it took a while to get my head round - what eventually got me there was reading the accounts of parents of donor-conceived children. Basically, they all said how much they loved their child, and how they couldn't imagine being parents to some other child.

Donor eggs aren't going anywhere, though. So, don't be afraid to take a little time to work through your feelings to see if this is the right option for you. Have you had any counselling around the topic?

I had a baby from donor eggs last year at 35, I know it's such a brave thing to do making the change to donor eggs but for me my need for a baby was greater than my needed for a bio child, my chance of success with my eggs was around 5-8% and moving to donor it was 50%, you need to consider too that even if pregnancy with own eggs occurs there's a very high chance of aneuploidy in your age group and whilst donor eggs doesn't completely remove the chance of aneuploidy it will hugely reduce it.

I can honestly say hand on heart throughout the pregnancy and the 16 months since he was born it doesn't even occur to me he is from donor eggs, apart from being grateful to my donor of course, I wouldn't change a thing about him and if I used my eggs I know he would be a different baby and I'm sure you would feel the same

Thankyou! I know how lucky we are to have him, he was my 5th cycle and I thought I would never get there, we did use a clinic abroad in Athens Greece and I do hope I don't regret the fact we won't be able to give him more info on the donor, I actually work in a clinic myself but couldn't use my own clinic for donor treatment so that's one of my reasons for going abroad, I do hope he understands my reasons for doing so.

I plan on being fully open with him and everyone knows he was donor conceived, I think if you don't plan on telling then you really do have to consider not telling anyone as it's a huge thing to have hanging over you if a few people know no matter how close.

We chose Greece too as both DP and I are dark haired although both have blue eyes, we took a brown eyed donor as we knew we would be open about using a donor, DS does have really dark brown eyes like the donor, has olive skin but blonde hair so he is a real mix, I do have another son due in 2 weeks from a bizarre natural miracle conception who is most likely going to have blue eyes and maybe freckles like me so it's a good job we planned on telling! Will be interesting to see if they look alike. I can honestly say to you this natural pregnancy has felt no different to the donor one

Thankyou that's very kind, if you haven't already do look on Fertility Friends at the clinic boards for different countries as there's loads of info on there, that's what helped me choose Serum, a lot of clinics abroad offer free Skype consultations so speak to a few and get a feel for them, there were a lot of clinics from Spain at the Fertility show who seemed very popular x

I don't know how to link sorry but it's a Fertility forum, fertilityfriends.co.uk, there's huge sections on treatment at clinics abroad separated into countries and also loads of info on treatment with donated eggs

So, for me, I'd definitely plan to tell any child I might have about their being donor conceived.

Apart from anything else, I just think they'd find out sooner or later anyway. There are people out there who are very determined not to tell their children about their donor origins, and this of course is their choice, but my observation has been that they often seem extremely worried about, for example, the increasing availability of home DNA testing through services like Ancestry. But really, even quirks of blood type, eye colour, chin-cleft, tongue rolling or whatever could be the thing to give that information away - and imagine learning that your parents had concealed it from you... I just think that would be very difficult to process. So, I subscribe to the view that it's best to tell, and to do it so early and in such a matter-of-fact way that it's never something a child 'learns'; they've just always known, a perfectly normal part of their life.

And generally, my strong personal opinion is that it's better for a person to have all the knowledge about their life that they can. That knowledge may be incomplete - and that can be true of people conceived naturally, just as those who are donor conceived - but it's only fair to have it, if it exists to be had.

So with that in mind, I've prioritised having UK treatment, thus far, because I'd very much prefer to use non-anonymous donors. I wouldn't 100% rule out treatment in Europe at some point in the future, but it does feel like a compromise to me; something I'd have to later explain to a potential child. And I think I could, up to a point, but I'd rather give them more straightforward opportunities of knowing about their genetic origins.

I hope that helps a bit!

Hey! I'm 43 and have a 4 year old son conceived via donor egg. I have a genetic condition that cant be diagnosed pre implantation so we decided donor eggs were the way to go to have a healthy child. I carried my little boy for 9 months, gave birth to him, breast fed him. He is 100% my son and utterly gorgeous. I really could not love him any more. Look up epigenetics. The mother carrying the baby moulds that child into what he or she eventually is so you do have an influence in utero. We were successful on our second round at ivi Alicante. Please PM me if you want to chat more xx

@Kali75 have a look at the donor conceived network website. It’s a useful group and resource x

Good luck with making your decision and best wishes for a happy outcome whatever path you choose
Otherwise I second the referral to Donor Conception Network for useful information and support. Also BICA (British Infertility Counselling Association) for specialist fertility related counselling support.

Hi @Kali75 - I'm sorry things have been so tough for you; it's not fair, is it?

I'm almost 40 and will be 12 weeks pregnant tomorrow with my donor egg baby. I don't have any eggs of my own and after a very early menopause I have known for years that I would need IVF with donor eggs in order to have a chance of having a family.

I think it's really important for you to take some time to grieve. I was devastated when I learned that I would never have a genetic child of my own - I found it extremely difficult to come to terms with and it took a long time for me to get my head round it. As the years passed I realised that (like PPs) my longing for a family was greater than my longing for biological children and we had four cycles of donor egg IVF to get to this point. It has been stressful and heartbreaking at times.

It rarely pops into my mind that we used donor eggs, and seeing the baby wriggling around on the scan was the most amazing moment of my life. So I'd encourage you to go for it, but make sure you're emotionally ready - continue with the counselling, and as a PP said there's less of an urgency with donor eggs so if you need some time to absorb it all then take it.

Good luck! 💐

Hi Kali75. I thought I'd add my two penceworth in case it's any help. I used donor eggs after experiencing an early menopause. Because I am a slow decision maker I was 41 by the time we had DD and 48 with DS, both conceived at the same clinic, IM in Barcelona.

Personally, I think being open with your children about their origins is best. Easier for you not having to worry about them finding out and better for them that they won't get a sudden shock years down the line if it does come out. That is just my view though and I know many would disagree. As far as other people are concerned, we have told some but not everyone. Once DD was on the way it felt like it was her information to tell, not ours, so only fairly close family and friends know.

It is worth bearing in mind though if you decide not to tell that funny things can happen that you may have to explain away For example, DH and I are both blue eyed but DD has brown eyes. Genetically that is very rare, and clinics would usually choose a blue eyed donor for a blue eyed couple for that reason. Our clinic were as surprised as we were that this happened and told us the donor is blue eyed. Still, while it can happen naturally, given its rarity I think it would have added to the stress if we were trying to avoid telling.

Glad you feel.you are getting there. I would really recommend IVI Alicante. They are super professional and very nice to deal with. Their success rates are very good too. We have our 4vyear old from our second cycle - he was a 5 day frostie. Good luck wherever you choose xx