TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

@TimeIhadaNameChange I'd keep those fr test sticks as soon as you get a flash, then you can see how the lines darken towards your peak, helps with prediction 😊

Welcome @Waiting2BAMummy! (To the madness!)

@bitheby How're you feeling?

@Dosmamas Any updates?!

@bitheby ahh that sucks ☹️, I hope my AF doesn't take it's sweet time, it was really nice having a cycle buddy, although I hope my ovulation goes back to its normal CD17 instead of CD12. I tested again this morning and BFN. Zero symptoms only PMS so I'm just waiting now...I asked my partner to pick up towels and tampons when she was shopping so maybe I jinxed it lol

@Waiting2BAMummy hiya!

@TimeIhadaNameChange hiya! 🙂 fingers crossed for you this month!! So exciting.

Hi bitheby

Thank you for your response.

I used wondfo OPK strips for my first 2 cycles but I didn't get on with them - I like the fact that with CB there is a definitive positive - the strips are just too ambiguous for me.

That said I did my second CB today at around 4pm and it was still flashing but I also used a wondfo just to see and it looked really dark although I think it darkened more after the 3 minute window. This makes me nervous though that I will get my static smiley and will be completely out this month as my donor isn't around until Wednesday. No point in stressing though as I can't change it.

I guess in positive news if that does happen I will be able to book some annual leave! Our annual leave calendar runs Jan-Dec so I have held of booking any as I would use my annual leave at the beginning of my maternity leave.

If I cannot try this month and/or it doesn't work I think I will look for someone closer to home too as I have more chance if I can try more often each month. It's hard though as I don't want to be too demanding - my donor gets absolutely nothing out of doing it so I feel like things have to be more on his terms.

Did you say your AF is due on wednesday? You're not out until it arrives I have read loads of posts from women who had AF cramps but didn't get their BFP until after AF was due. Fingers crossed for you x

Hi Freezerbump and Dosmamas!

Is it just me that thinks it's ridiculous how much you're told about the importance of birth control because it's so easy to get pregnant and yet when you want to it's not easy at all?!

This whole TTC is just so complicated. Even when you figure out your lh surge you still have no idea when you ovulate after that.

I will happily wear a big flashing light on my head that goes off when it's optimal time if it means I get a BFP! I will stay in the house for a week though in case it goes off!!

@Waiting2BAMummy I'd be up for a beacon implant, and I'd also like to be issued with a precise time to insem, working it out is exhausting!

Agreed @Freezerbump - where do I sign??

I'd like a beacon too please.

My emotions are all over the place. Earlier I was catastrophising that if this cycle doesn't work maybe I will never be able to get pregnant. As you say, I don't even know if this cycle hasn't worked yet.

I'm getting quite a bit of cramping now and I feel a bit peaky. Was half way through changing my bed and have ended up having a lie down to rest.

Could be AF, could be implantation, could be all in my imagination!

It was slightly rushed to get this month up and running as the last guy had to drop out after we'd been chatting for a while but I managed to find a really good donor. This was always a bonus/ practice month. Will definitely use him again if he doesn't mind.

Also I got made redundant end of January so I've been applying for jobs and going to interviews and it's all catching up with me a bit. Will hear about a job tomorrow.

Sensibly, if I do get it, I should wait a few months so I'll be entitled to maternity pay.

Just at my age, leaving it doesn't seem sensible.

@bitheby it's hard isn't it, I've spent years waiting for "the right time" and there's always a good reason not to do it, I've just thought meh, the right time is when it happens.
I'm a lot calmer this time around though, (Although still stalking TWW threads and scrutinising how I'm feeling) it's in the lap of the gods though isn't it, we can only do so much to optimise chances,
If I make it until Thursday with no af I'll poas!
It's been great having you girls to obsess with though, hopefully we can keep it up :)

@bithebi as you say there is never a right time and if everyone waited for the perfect time most of the worlds children wouldn't exist. The tiredness sounds promising but as you say this was an additional try anyway so if it doesn't work it was a trial run-easy for me to say I know and I know in your shoes I would be feeling exactly the same as you. Fingers crossed for the job tomorrow let us know

@Freezerbump fingers crossed for you I'll be hoping the witch stays away for the next 9 months!

Anyone else find it funny that we're all so desperate to pee on our money?!

My donor has messaged back to say he may be able to do Wednesday night but depends on the time but to be honest that may be too late.

I have been considering going back on the site that I met him and trying to find someone else but is it feasible to find someone that might potentially need to be available tomorrow? My donor is quite old too (he's just turned 50) so I wonder if I might be better looking for someone who is younger and closer to home anyway?

I was considering not having a break for the next 2 months if this month didn't work as having your child's birthday just after Christmas would be expensive but now I don't know if I would have kept today as the thought of not being able to try this month is sending me into panic mode as every month counts.

I'm so thankful to have found you ladies as nobody in my RL knows I'm doing this as they would all have their opinions but once it's done they're just going to have to deal with it!

If you all get your BFP's before me you can't ditch me!!

I would love to keep using this thread as peer support. I met up with a real life friend who I don't know that well yesterday and mentioned the words 'sperm donor' and I could see a look of slight panic on her face.

It's either AF coming early or this is something promising. I'll know soon enough.

My donor is older too. I think the only risk is an increased risk of autism but I'm actually an aspie anyway so genetically that's already in the mix and I've done ok with it.

I found mine within about 10 days of when I was ovulating which I would say is probably a bit quick considering what's at stake but then intuition played a part and when we met up and chatted, lots of my criteria he checked off anyway.

The only thing is that men ideally need to abstain from any other sexual activity before the donation. That's why I could only meet mine once last time as we only agreed to go ahead with three days to go and he said he needed three days to prepare.

Also, I was able to check out his medical history because he'd donated through a clinic previously and had recent STI checks. Don't be tempted to shortcut the usual checks due to timing. Some things are just too important to overlook x

@bithebi yes I know you're right but I hate the thought of another month before I can try again. I just want to see those 2 lines as of course you all do.

I'm being very impatient which actually is very unlike me but that just proves how much I want this, right?!

It's funny because in RL I'm really shy and don't 'do' peopling. If the people in my life knew that once a month I was traveling over 100 miles to meet a man I've only met twice before so that I could imseminate myself with his sperm they actually wouldn't believe it. In fact I hardly believe it myself but then that's what being a parent is all about isn't it?? Putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and doing things that are outside of your norm for the sake of your child. He/she may not have been conceived yet but ultimately that's what we're all striving for.

Our future children may not have what society sees as a conventional family but they will know beyond any doubt that they are wanted!

Much love to all our future rugrats x

Either AF is early or implantation bleeding just started.

Fingers crossed for the latter

How are you today, bitheby?

Just wanted to say thanks for all the support yesterday, especially @Freezerbump dealing with my panic! It's funny, although we've been talking about it for a year, on and off, the decision to actually do it happened 6 weeks ago (I didn't really believe I would, before then) and it suddenly seemed to occur to me yesterday that yes, it was, actually, happening and eeeeeeeeek! All common sense went out the window and I decided I had no idea what was happening! So thank you!

As it is DP decided we'd do it three nights in a row starting from yesterday. He got all lab tech on me which was quite amusing, given the circumstances (and was full of how he was going to improve his method this morning!). I then got the solid smiley face this morning (though the cheapo said the level had gone down - strange!!!) so I think all is well.

Can't believe I'm starting a 2WW. Honestly never thought this day would come!

Good luck Time. Sounds like good timing. Fingers crossed for you.

I'm still cramping and there isn't much blood yet and it's brown not red so I guess there's still a small chance. This feels like AF though so I'm just waiting for red blood to be 100%.

25 day cycle this time, which is a bit annoying. I'm pretty sure I was ok with the ovulation date as OPKs showed a definite progression to a clear positive late 5th/ early 6th so this is a couple of days early.

@bitheby 🤞 and everything else for you!

@TimeIhadaNameChange glad I could help, I've read every blog, seen every vlog, read med reports all sorts of stuff , happy it came in useful for another human (makes me feel less mental!) I think spreading it out is a good option, seems logical ;) good luck lovely!!! X

Thanks, bitheby. Am keeping my fingers crossed for you, too!

It's odd, I'm really not an optimistic person, but I'm bizarrely feeling hopeful about this. Probably because the timing is utterly shite! And if it doesn't work out I might be able to drop it into the conversation with my mother at some point, so that if I do try again next year and am succesful it'll be less of a shock and she won't disown me. So I think the fact that , in some ways, I don't mind (though really I do) is making me more hopeful.

Thank you, *Freezerbump! I thought I had got myself prepared, but it seems I decided to forget it all when it was important. Whoops!

I know the 2WW is going to be horrendous, mainly because I won't be surprised if it becomes longer. I noticed as a teen that if I fantasized around when my period was due (and they were, in the main, regular from the get go) my periods would hold off for a few days. No idea if there's any biology behind this, but I noticed it more than once. I suspect my body will play the same game with this, just to keep me hopeful. Grrrr!

I'm definitely out. Been reading about implantation bleeding this morning and what I'm having today is now too heavy. So I'm CD1.

If I go ahead this cycle then my predicted due date says 23rd December. Obvs if it does work they can come early or late but hmmm.

I'm waiting for the phone call about the job as that might change my plans too.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Bitheby.

Good luck with the job x

@bitheby sorry lovely, chin up and keep going, I'm due af tomorrow so happy to start again with you all :) xx

Thanks.

I wish I knew why it hadn't worked - whether it was timing or technique or just one of those things that I couldn't have influenced.

I might get some soft ups for next attempt. The syringes were really difficult and I've heard good things about the cups.

@bithebi sorry to hear that it's probably just one of those things. I read that a women only has a 20-30% chance of conception each month even when timed perfectly. At least your first try is out of the way and next time hopefully you will be a little more relaxed having already met your donor. Just think in roughly 2 weeks you can try again.

@Freezerbump - good luck fingers crossed for you

@TimeIhadaNameChange I'd like to tell you to distract yourself and don't symptom spot but that would make me a gigantic hypocrite!! No matter how hard you try you will second guess every twinge etc. Fingers crossed for you it sounds like you had your timings spot on so nothing more you could have done.

Has anyone else found that they get a positive on a CB advanced later than cheap stick OPK's? I had what I believe was a positive on a wondfo yesterday afternoon but my CM was still flashing and is flashing again this morning. It doesn't matter really I guess as if I get a positive today or tomorrow I can't do anything anyway as my donor is away until wednesday.

I need a donor tree - anyone know any garden centres that might stock one?!