TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

I'm drunk. On less than one glass of wine. That's what TTC does to you.

Feeling like I wish I was trying this month afterall. Also a bit down that I'm all on my own this evening.

Bless you @bithebi it's hard every month you're not trying feels like a wasted opportunity but think how much less stressful everything will be knowing you'll be able to support yourself and buba once you do get pregnant. Stay strong x

Thanks for the continued support, everyone! I'm still waiting, and waiting. Have decided I'll test officially on Sunday - I think I'm a masochist at heart! I've done a couple of test the last few days knowing that it's far too early for anything to show up - I seem to want the experience of having some negative tests behind me so that if it is still negative on Sunday it'll just be what I'm used to IYSWIM. I have to stop myself looking at random pregnancy apps, and things like bottles and breast pumps though. I know at heart I won't be needing them but it's becoming an obsession.

It's not just me symptom spotting, DP has started as well. He asked me if I'd had any on Sunday, then, when I named a few he told me I'd been roasting in bed the Tuesday night before. That was day of ovulation, so no doubt a complete coincidence, but it amused me that he's playing along too!

He seems to be compiling a list of suitable donors if Cryos hasn't worked. If I didn't know him I's start feeling offended he's treating me like a prize cow or something!

Bitheby - I hope you manage to find your pool of sperm! And that you're feeling a bit better. Any further news about the job?

Haha.

I really hope I don't fall in a pool of sperm. Do they do that on I'm a celebrity? How completely rank.

I've been to get my ID checked with recruitment today and to fill out the occupational health form etc. I'm now at a designer outlet centre trying but failing to buy work clothes. Prices too high and sizes too small!

Good old M&S were the first port of call and got a pair of trousers so not a totally wasted trip.

I live in a very rural area and don't get down to civilisation and shops very often!

I know that feeling, Bitheby! I can't remember the last time I hit the great metropolis that is Inverness. Am pretty sure it was our Christmas shopping trip! Saying that, I have been to London in the meantime, but that was for a family birthday rather than shopping. Thank goodness Amazon deliver here, that's all I can say!

I used to get most of my work trousers from M and S. Hope you manage to find the rest of your wardrobe with not too much hassle. Glad the admin is going in the right direction.

That's so exciting @TimeIhadaNameChange especially as it's Mother's Day on Sunday - how amazing would that be to get a positive result.

Fingers crossed for you x

Hi all.
Me and my husband are thinking to try an insemination using donor sperm. I searched Cryos and have a couple of questions. What searching criteria do you set for donor? What standard (if i put uk there, the number of matches seriously reduces, especially with regards of unwashed sperm). If I choose non uk standard, what is complication with the UK legislation? I will appreciate your advice.

@Luna38

Hi! Welcome to this group! From my understanding, choosing U.K. standard only applies if you are planning to send it to a fertility centre to use in IVF or IUI. They will only approve the receiving of overseas sperm if it meets strict standards as I'm sure that would be in their ethos and duty of care etc. So if you plan on using donor sperm in a clinic then use U.K. standard. However if you plan on doing ICI at home then it shouldn't matter what standard. You should only used unwashed at home to increase your chances as washed sperm has the semen removed and is basically just the swimmers. I'm sure the standard for clinics is how the sample is washed and prepared, like a tick box of things the sperm bank does to it so it's compatible with the UK's way.

Sorry girls, went a bit MIA, I have honestly had a period from hell. Haven't had one like this for about 2 years and it's left me drained and really down. Picking up now.

@TimeIhadaNameChange how many DPO are you?

Hi, @Dosmamas, sorry to hear you've been having a rough time. Glad to hear you're now on the up.

I'm currently 9dpo. Sunday is 12 dpo which gives 85.3% chance of getting BFP if I am, actually, pregnant, so I am still planning on waiting til then. I seem to have caught the most horrendous cold which could be a good sign, though probably isn't. I still have sore boobs and random things going on in my stomach, but I'm still convinced it's all in my head (whilst hoping desperately that it's not!).

Are you still planning on trying again this month?

@TimeIhadaNameChange you are so strong to have not tested by now. Those symptoms sound so hopeful. Heard many times of women feeling poorly (cold symptoms) right after implantation so that's a good sign. I hope this is it for you!! How amazing would that be.

I am tee'd up to try first time with our new donor next weekend. So I am getting prepared now. Still spotting from my period but starting Saturday I will be POAS and eating clean. Got all my vitamins on the go now. Going to try benylin to see if it helps CM, I don't have a problem with CM but I always think more can't help to get it swimming up there nicely 😂😂

Do you have your FRER all ready to go on Saturday?

Who said I haven't tested already????? I've done two tests (I think), both negative. But.... I knew that would be the case (far too early). My theory is that if I've already seen a negative I'll know what to expect on Sunday. (Yes, it's slightly bonkers but it works for me!)

Have been using cheap sticks up to now, but do have a FRER for my first wee on Sunday. Again, more sadism, expecting a BFN on Mother's Day!

I wouldn't take the Benylin if I were you. Surely it'll dry up the mucus if it does anything? Get some PreSeed instead.

Good luck for next weekend!

@TimeIhadaNameChange lol sorry last time I checked in with you said you were going to try not test 😂. The benylin is supposed to work wonders for CM no chance of it drying me out lol, it's supposed to produce secretions. You are only supposed to take the one with Guaifenesin as the sole ingredient. Some people swear by it! Only taking it 5 days before Ovulation. But I'm sure the closer I get the more I will get paranoid I'm messing around too much with down there.

Would be awesome to tell everyone you get your BFP Mother's Day.

Tee hee! I was trying but I just got too impatient!

Not sure I do want to tell everyone so soon, though. Saying that, I didn't want to tell anyone we were trying in the first place and DP spoilt that plan, so I suspect people will be told anyway! Am dreading telling my mother though. Really dreading it. The situation between me and DP is complicated, and the last time she asked if we were sleeping together I said no, as we weren't. She's not asked since (it's been quite a few years) and I've not felt the need to tell her. So the whole thing is going to be a massive shock for her. Plus the fact that I'm not married, and the timing is all wrong, and she doesn't want to be a grandmother, and she told me years ago that I'm lucky because if I did become pregnant I could have an abortion..... I think I know what her reaction will be! Oh, and she fell pregnant easily twice so doesn't understand how people can be desperate to have a bbay, which means she won't understand why I wanted to go ahead despite not being married, and the years going by.

This really won't be a fun conversation to have with her, but I hope I get the chance to have it anyway!

@Dosmamas welcome back to the fold - we missed you! Sorry to hear you had the period from hell but hopefully that means you've got loads of hormones flying around and will be super fertile this month. What's the deal with the benylin?

@TimeIhadaNameChange - still have fingers firmly crossed for you. As for your mother's reaction that's on her! You know how it's going to go down and hopefully can prepare yourself for that. She's going to say what ever she is going to say and no amount of worrying about that conversation will change that though I can fully appreciate that the knowledge that your own mother will not be over the moon for you and excited for the arrival of their future grandchild is really sad and must hurt alot. Remember that you are doing this for you and your DP (and your future rugrat of course!) you will have your own little family and if she doesn't want to be part of that then that's her loss. You deserve to be surrounded by people who are going to happy for you and this new chapter in your life and as sad as it is if she is talking about you having an abortion before you're even pregnant then she doesn't deserve to be part of that. I already know you're going to be a million times a better mother to your child than it appears she has been to you. Remember this is your life and your body, only you get to choose and anyone who has any issue with that doesn't deserve your concern. Keep your head up and know that you are doing the right thing for you.

@TimeIhadaNameChange wow! That sounds like waaaay to much to be dealing with when you are TTC. What is it with mothers and guilt tripping their daughters?? My mother is the same , just so ignorant to anyone's experience but hers. My brother is the golden boy.

Your BFP will make you strong, I have seen women who have put up with so much bullshit from family get their BFP and just lay down the law. Motherhood makes you stronger I swear it. I know that when I get my BFP I will go into beast mode with my parents and put the strongest boundaries in place. Those two should never have been allowed to parent. Narcissistic twats.

@Waiting2BAMummy so apparently when you drink this benylin during your FW it helps produce more CM at the right consistency for helping swimmers. When you take it for a cough it thins the secretions so you can cough it up and out basically. If you google it (and even on Mumsnet they talk about it) a lot of girls who don't produce much EWCM during FW take it and it works magic. It has to be the benylin that only has Guaifenesin in it, no other medication or substance.

Thank so much, you two! To be fair my mother has no idea we're even trying, so if I do get a BFP it'll be a huge shock to her (as I say, she doesn't know the extent of our 'relationship', but it's complicated, and she hasn't really needed to know up to now). The later I leave telling her the better, imo. I'm sure that, to most people, the idea of someone who is nearly 40 having a sex life, let alone falling pregnant, isn't that bizarre. But it will be to her. She has some very odd ideas about me!

It's funny, everyone I've mentioned this to thinks she'll be delighted. Maybe she will be, but I doubt it. But i do appreciate your support, truly.

@Dosmamas that's really interesting I don't produce much CM although I have started drinking more water as I heard that helps and that did seem to make a difference last month. Thanks for the info.

@TimeIhadaNameChange and Dosmamas honestly some women don't deserve to have children and unfortunately we don't get to choose our parents. I haven't spoken with my egg donor now since Aug 2017 but I can honestly say if we were still in communication I would not be telling her about my baby. I would not be subjecting my child to any of her evil behaviour. Your babies are yours and if they can't be happy for you and treat you and your baby with the love and respect you deserve then they don't deserve you and they certainly don't deserve to be part of the lives of your precious babies. My child will know nothing but love they will never have to question that love or their value in this world. You ladies shouldn't be questioning your value either and part of that is the right to choose who is in your life and who needs to respect boundaries or take a long walk. Nobody has the right to make you feel less than the beautiful strong ladies that you are not even your parents. Stay strong x

The people who say she'll probably be excited more than likely have a good relationship with their mother/ parents. Most people who do cannot imagine what it's like to have a parent who is less than supportive....judgemental....or worse. Doesn't make your fears unfounded or unjustified.

I know what you mean, Waiting. DP really didn't understand how bad things were between my sister and I until he witnessed my reaction to her behaviour in real time. He'd known me about 8 years by this point, and still thought it was normal sibling rivalry. I was surprised that he understood at that point, as the issue itself was actually quite minor, but it was the was she threw a tantrum at my mother and then my mother took her side that made him realise quite how bad things were. And the thing was he didn't actually witness the tantrum (nor did I), he was just flabbergasted that it happened at all.

Even still, he can't understand why my mother wouldn't want a grandchild. His family are very supportive of the whole thing, they love babies. Mine are completely in the dark.

Sorry, thinking about it that probably didn't make much sense. What I was trying to say that DP has good relationships with his siblings, so even though he'd heard about my disfunctional one with mine for years, he didn't truly understand how bad things were until the above happened. He actually called her a bitch (not to her face), which really surprised me!

Still feeling sick today. Morning cycle in was difficult again, kept feeling queasy so having to stop. Strangely, when I had noro last year and had to get home I was fine when actually cycling, it was walking that did for me. So I'm surprised the cycling is currently making me feel worse...

Fingers crossed it's a positive sign @ TimeIhadaNameChange.

In terms of your relationship with your sister the saying 'you can choose your friends but not your family' is just so true. I honestly just do not understand some people - why do they find it necessary to go out of their way to make other people's lives difficult? Again I don't think people who do not have dysfunctional relationships with their family can understand quite what that's like.

I also get attitude from people who cannot believe I have nothing to do with my family and the fact that I will not be sending my egg donor a Mother's Day card horrifies people - I get the 'you only get one mum' to which I would love to respond 'well if the rest are like the one I got then thank heavens for that' but instead I just say nothing because they're just never going to 'get it'. Nobody has the right to judge you, your feelings or your choices until they've lived your life.

Just keep making your own choices and know that anyone who deserves a place in your circle of life will love and respect you, and your choices.

@TimeIhadaNameChange I am so excited for you right now. Can't wait for tomorow. I think symptoms like those that as so different from the norm are really positive. It's so hard to stop getting flooded with hope at this stage isn't it?

@Waiting2BAMummy I don't know if I will take the benylin yet, I don't want to mess too much with my CM or my cycle.

no that's what I'm thinking @Dosmamas but I still have a way to go yet before I need to worry about that. I'm not even expecting af until next wednesday at the earliest. I would have been testing this weekend too if I hadn't had to miss this cycle but I really need to stop thinking about that it's done and I just need to move on to the next cycle.

Is it just me that tortures themselves working out how far gone they would be if the first, second or third....cycle had worked?!

Hi ladies!
Apologies for incommunicado but I was on a course in a tinterweb/mobile signal black hole for a week, soooo happy to be home!

What's been happening? @TimeIhadaNameChange any news??
@Dosmamas I also had an awful af this month like 2months in 1!
@Waiting2BAMummy how's tricks

Am now on house buying/selling admin mission 🙄 giving ttc a break for this month so I don't get my knickers in a twist!