TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

@Freezerbump nooo! At least you are going to have a drink to commiserate. When are you next ovulating..@bitheby @Waiting2BAMummy what about you girls? When is your fertile window?

@TimeIhadaNameChange when is your official test date ??

I'm still waiting on AF, cervix is still unreachable, with sticky/creamy CM. I have been exhausted today, completely out of character for me. I usually have my coffee at work and go all day but by lunch I was struggling to keep my eyes open. Trying not to read to much into it, still BFN this afternoon. I know I'm not preg, just totally fed up with waiting.

It's the throwaway culture we live in now, isn't it, Dosmamas? Why mend something when you can get a replacement? I've heard that said about pets as well as electrical devices.

I think part of the problem with going to Relationships (at least for me) is that I know that the relationship will seem shite from the way I describe it, but there's no time to go into everything, and there's no need. I just want advice / thoughts on one small problem. I think I was first advised to LTB about 10 years ago, yet here we are, still going strong.

Freezerbump - I'm positive the gin will make you feel better!!!

Well af is still a bit halfhearted at the moment, I'm sure it will pick up!
@Dosmamas well I know nothing about charts.... but going up is good no? Maybe your donor isn't a dud after all!

Come on lady, you're our latest hope!

@TimeIhadaNameChange I bet you're willing the next few days to go quickly!

DosMamas - I supposedly ovulated on Tuesday. CD 1 should be the 3rd of next month, so I'm thinking I could test on the 28th with a FRER....? But I know it might not be conclusive then, so I should wait til the 3rd.

People actually get married now with the attitude that they can just get a divorce if it doesn't work out! If you're going into the relationship with that attitude it's never going to last as you'll be going to the solicitor the first sign of any trouble!

I think people say things like that because they don't want to be bothered to take the time to try and understand your situation and find something helpful to say.

That said my egg donor (my name for the mother and trust me it's more polite that she deserves) has been married 6 times. One of several reasons that I'm put off of relationships for life.

@Dosmamas I missed my fertile window this month as my donor was away. I could kick myself really as got positive OPK on Monday but had EWCM yesterday afternoon so may have been in with a chance but I'd already told him it would be too late and with him being so far away it wasn't feasible to rearrange. So not expecting AF until around 3rd April so sometime w/c 15th April I think but I am taking a couple of days off when I think I will get my positive OPK and will be having more tries.

Bless you it's so hard when you know you're out and you're waiting for AF you just want it to get on with it so you can move on to the next cycle.

Those temps are looking good though Dos. Hang in there.

My fertile window will be starting pretty much as soon as AF finishes tomorrow but I'm skipping at least one month.

I need to be employed for a couple of months before faking pregnant to qualify for SMP. Will be a case of waiting for a start date and doing loads of calculations based on what feels right for me and fair to the employer. I don't want to leave it so late that I miss my chance but neither do I wish to mess them around.

Um. Falling. No fakery here.

@bitheby you're a good employee doing what's best for the team. I'm not like that. My boss will be super pissed off if I get pregnant, she knows we are trying but thinks my partner is going first 🙈 I haven't the heart to tell her it's me now. I think she will be more pissed off cause it's not going to be an accident like a few girls in the office have had. Let's hope the NHS pulls its finger out and gets you in and settled quickly. Is it okay to ovulate so soon after AF? Is that normal for you?

@TimeIhadaNameChange this has been my first ever and if I had another shot now, I would of waited 100% until AF or very late. If I were you wait until your chances of a BFP are close to 100% like 13-15dpo! If you can. Easier said than done!

@Waiting2BAMummy oh yeah! Sorry I forgot you were in for a long wait, you poor thing. At least you have time to perfect your timing and understand your cycle. Or are you all good on that front?

You are spot on with the relationships being disposable these days, so much chaos in relationships and things like Tinder and POFF don't make it any easier, it's too easy to give up and just go on to the next one.

@Dosmamas my first cycle I got what I thought was a positive OPK and inseminated on day 13 but I actually think I ovulated about 5 days later. The second cycle I also inseminated on day 13 (because it was the only time my donor could do as it was just before Christmas). Since January I have been using the CM advanced tests as I just find them so much easier. January I didn't get a static smiley at all - I was testing morning and evening (around 7-9) and I think I missed the spike. February was day 14 and this month day 13. Interestingly though there was exactly 28 days between my positive OPK's is that a pattern?
My boss will hit the roof too when she finds out I'm pregnant, we have cut our teams so much that there are too few of us already and I'm her second in command. There will be absolute shock in the office from everyone though as I'm really not a 'people' person, in as much as big groups of people freak me out and I really don't like people touching me. I have no intention of telling them how it happened though - none of their business they can think what they like.

You don't need to worry what your boss thinks it doesn't matter if the pregnancy is planned or an accident the result is the same and why shouldn't you have a baby? Would it be worth trying to hint that it may have to be you trying and not your partner so it isn't such a shock when you announce it?

@bithebi any idea when you're like to start your new job? I'm frustrated missing one cycle I can't imagine not knowing when you can try again bless your heart.

bless you @Freezerbump I don't drink but I second the notion of the gin....may aswell have it while you can because soon enough you're going to have to abstain for 9 months.

@TimeIhadaNameChange I second the trying to hold off as long as possible, easier said than done sometimes, but it makes the result much more likely to be reliable. Fingers crossed for you.

But I don't want to hold off for as long as possible!!!!! I want to know now!!!!! (Stamps feet, sticks out her tongue and behaves more of a child than any future offspring ever would)

lol @TimeIhadaNameChange love it!! Wouldn't that be amazing?! However, unfortunately that isn't possible.

As with all things though, the best things are worth waiting for and you've made it this far. x

Lol! @TimeIhadaNameChange I know exactly what you mean! I soooo hope it works for you first time!

I'm not sure it helps waiting or not waiting to be honest, do what makes you happy, although I think the earlier you test the more you can set yourself up for a fall if neg, mind you I hung on this time and it was still a bit shit!

I even know that my lp is 11 days from first solid smiley... still doesn't stop me flipping misreading dpo to make it happen quicker! (Clearly bonkers..)

I've had two really short cycles since my operation. Usually I average around 26/27 days but I've had a 23 then a 25. It's not hugely shorter but obviously it's such a waste of eggs to be going so quickly when I can't use them.

Do you guys mind me whittering on? I don't really have anyone else I can blab about this to. I don't think the guys on the more normal ttc board would understand.

I've decided that I'm not jealous that people able to do this more naturally have the cheaper / more straightforward option, nor that they can relax and just have sex (at least, at the beginning, I know it might get more stressful if they don't conceive quickly). What I'm jealous about is that they don't have the same stresses wrt the 2WW (again, unless they've been trying a while). I mean, despite DP having had a vasectomy there were the odd months I'd wonder if a miracle had happened, and I was pregnant, but there wasn't the same excuse to invent symptoms as it were. Unlike now.

I still have a slight stomach ache, and was really hot in the night. That's not totally unlike me but the house was cool, and I'd been fine earlier in the week when I'd shared a bed with DP who is a radiator. But last night was unbearable. So I'm now inventing stuff in the middle of the night!!!!!

I really am slowly losing the plot. I downloaded a pregnancy app last night. And I've now started talking to my non-existant bean! At least I am managing to keep some sort of grip on reality, as I do know it is, in all likelihood, a figmant of my imagination. But still, it's keeping me amused for the time being!

So I think my period is here. But in a cruel twist of fate, in keeping with the messed up theme of my cycle this month, it's brown/pink and mixed with CM. Which just hurts, it looks exactly like pictures of implantation bleeding except I still have BFN's. My temps are still up. It's such a joke this month. I'm irrationally angry at the moment, how on my first ever month EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT 🤬🤬

@TimeIhadaNameChange talk away, that's what this board is for, we are all going through the same thing.

The TWW is horrible, I have just experienced my first my partner has done x5. You have to let yourself go a bit mad this first one, test everyday if you have to, log all your symptoms, google all day if it gives you hope. I hope hope hope! You don't have to do another one, but I think this TWW has for me been so draining that next month I will protect myself and just put the apps away, stay off google and wait until I am late.

I have tested twice a day for the past week and seeing that one lonely line has taken its toll, especially since I had such a strange cycle and good temps, CM etc.

Dosmamas - I'm not sure if this will just prolong the agony, but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't get a BFP until after implantation anyway. I think it can take a few days for the hormone levels to get high enough to be detected. So there may be hope yet. x

@TimeIhadaNameChange I kind of hope it's just AF being weird. I can't see how It can be implantation as I know what day I ovulated on, which was the same day as insem. So unless it's within normal to implant at 16dpo I think it's just my body being an absolute wanker.

@TimeIhadaNameChange you're not whittering, you're expressing how you feel and isn't that what we're all here for? It's just so amazing that we've managed to find this small group of people, who, for different reasons, are going through the exact same thing. Whatever you're thinking/feeling is probably something we have all thought/felt and some point and there is nothing wrong with it. Better to share it and feel validated than sit in your own little bubble and stew on it.

@Dosmamas bless you it's awful when you absolutely feel like you're out but af is taking it's sweet time and playing with your head. My first month I had spotting the day before af actually arrived which never happens. I had the spotting in the morning and then nothing until the following day. In January I had a 25 day cycle which never ever happens. I don't know if its the apprehension or what but once you start TTC everything goes crazy!

Any news about a start date @bithebi?

Aww Dos. Big hugs. I had spotting for my AF this time too which I never usually get. Seems like when we're hyper aware of it, things go a bit haywire.

Got an email with all the hoops I need to jump through for starting today. Booked my DBS, have another two appointments to book and then I'll get my date.

Hi girls!

@TimeIhadaNameChange You're not wittering, carry on! It's so hard first time round, everything feels a bit weird, we are all on the TWW with you!!

@Dosmamas Sorry lovely, since I started this my af's have been weird, or I'm paying more attention to every move or fluid, who knows, if it's not all out af.. you're still in! 🤞

@bitheby When do you start?!

@Waiting2BAMummy When's your next go now then?

Sooo have been thinking, should we start our own new thread? I think these run out at a certain length by all accounts and I'd like to keep our little kind gang going :)

We get 1000 posts but I'd be up for a new thread definitely.

I need to see occupational health and go and verify my ID over an hour away before I get my date. I'm hoping for a couple of weeks to get some house admin done but otherwise keen to get earning and my maternity clock ticking.

I'm up for a new thread @Freezerbump we need to stick together!

I'm not due af until around 3rd April so estimate I'll be due to inseminate some time w/c 15th.

How are you doing? Have you indulged in you gin?

@Waiting2BAMummy @bitheby
Am currently indulging in soft cheese and gin :)

Also sold my house today so maybe the gods only issue one blessing at a time :)

If all goes well will have lovely new home in a couple of months, may have a little break to make the next (and last) round super chilled, in a lovely new home