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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome! Thread #6

999 replies

kwick · 24/02/2017 13:13

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!  Thread #6
OP posts:
Thread gallery
37
Munrowalker · 02/03/2017 19:28

Pickle
Exactly how I feel. I have a very close friend having IVF, I'd be over the moon if they got a BFP but I find it so hard when people at work or on Facebook announce pregnancies. Especially if they are younger than me, feels like 'I've missed the boat'

Pez82 · 02/03/2017 19:40

This is why I deactivated my Facebook account last October when I started this process. It wasn't making me happy and I feel so much better now - something worth considering...

No worries pickle!

kwick · 02/03/2017 20:58

cherry I am nearly an OAP and my eyesight is very poor but I am keeping fx that it is a line!!!

pickle exactly how I feel too Smile
I came off FB too but mainly cos I cannot remember my password and cannot be arsed to do the forgot password thing.

OP posts:
pickle162 · 02/03/2017 21:57

I'm having that trouble with mumsnet- I can only get on my phone cos it's logged in but everything else can't get on cos who knows the friggin password
Does anyone else find the evenings much worse? During the day I'm so busy and enjoying work (mostly) at the mo then in the evenings just feel weird and lonely, I've lived by myself for 10years I dunno....
Other emotions are so desperate for a baby but my life is very involved with work and my work friends don't want things to change (don't think watching the replacement earlier this week helped lol)
I always seem to become more anxious at this point during cycle wondering if I'm ovulating usually after surge....my brain is annoying me tonight 😣

Anyway hope everyone's ok

kwick · 02/03/2017 22:12

I find some evenings very hard but food and TV normally see me through. I also came across this hilarious thread - make sure you read the link too!
Jesus fuck, my fanny is on fire!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2867947-Jesus-fuck-my-fanny-is-on-fire

OP posts:
Pez82 · 02/03/2017 22:31

Oh kwick I'm keeping that one to read after the IUI tomorrow Grin

pickle162 · 02/03/2017 22:34

I love the 18.30pm comment about a small woodland animal 😂Will have to look at the link within the link tomorrow,need sleep
Night all xx

Karendvm · 02/03/2017 22:41

pickle I am exactly like you. Always got very down around the same time. Hope you feel more positive soon!

HopingForALittleOne · 02/03/2017 22:42

Hey kwick think I could do with that thread to read next. Spoke to my mum tonight . Trying to set up things so can move back up north when pregnant but she started saying why don't I move up north first and not get pregnant and how she is waiting for a wedding.

Got me down as thought about this for four and half years, in that time tried all manner of dating, thought of 'settling' so I could have a child and then did lots of thinking of what it would mean to have a child on my own. I decided my options were

  1. wait for mr right but will be 35 this year . To know he's mr right I need to date him for a while so I know . I want more than one child, my fertility may drop and I'm longing for child so not prepared to wait for someone who may not appear or appear too late
  2. look for mr 'you will do' and very quickly settle and have a child. I hate this idea, just hate it.
  3. try for child by myself now. If I meet a man later I can take my time to make sure he is mr right without worrying about about biological time bomb ticking away.

Mum knows this and last few months/ year has been so supportive so I'm a bit upset that tonight she would start backtracking saying (during my TWW) that I shouldn't get pregnant and should try and get married :(

My plan originally was to go home to have family around for support but after that conversation it just makes me feel I may as well stay in London

Snorkmaiden85 · 02/03/2017 22:56

Aww pickle I hear ya! I'm having a lot of up and down emotions too.... I've made an executive decision not to watch The Replacement! (See also: 'Prevenge'... I foolishly watched Rosemary's Baby on NYE and it triggered the biggest bout if anxiety and self doubt, I've learned my lesson now!)

My emotions are all mixed up today, I think I've identified my LH surge for the first time! (I think???? See picture!) Perhaps stupidly I found it quite emotional, partly cus when I was with my ex I used to do a lot of paranoid pregnancy testing and a big part of me was always so gutted it was negative, even though it's only an ovulation test and I already KNOW I ovulate I still felt weirdly happy and reassured to see a positive result. And also cus I wish it meant I was doing an IUI this month but I'm not there yet, it's frustrating but I'm trying to be patient.

On the flipside my friend who is a single mum by choice of a three year old sent me a few texts about how hard her week had been as her son's been puking for days, she's the sort of person who doesn't mince her words and it was very much a 'I hope you know what you're letting yourself in for' text! Meant in a nice way, and I do appreciate it as I'm trying to hard to be realistic, but it's hard to balance in my mind as I don't think anyone (single or otherwise) ever truly knows what they're letting themselves in for when they start a family, you kind if have to take a leap of faith that at times it will be really bloody hard but that you'll find a way to cope. Trying to remind myself that and not let the "what am I doing???" voice take over!

I want this soooooooooo much but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. Scared and excited and apprehensive and impatient all at once... what a rollercoaster it all is!

Sorry for offloading!!

Good luck tomorrow pez! Our cycles must be similar! Mine was an office test too. I took a pot in to work especially. There's a first time for everything! Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

cherry I've got everything crossed for you :) x

Snorkmaiden85 · 02/03/2017 22:59

Doh forgot to attach the all important picture! So the tests are (left to right) 8pm Tuesday, 8pm yesterday, and 1pm today. Is the last one a positive? Need to invest in some digital tests for extra certainty!

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!  Thread #6
Snorkmaiden85 · 02/03/2017 23:08

hoping, your 1) 2) and 3) options sound exactly how I feel about it all, I came to the same conclusions. I really feel that for me doing it this way will take the pressure off both wanting a baby, and the pressure of trying to meet someone while I'm at baby focused. Sorry that what your mum said made you question your plans, especially during the TWW! Hang in there. I'm sure your mum will continue to be supportive. Parents do say some daft stuff without thinking x

HopingForALittleOne · 02/03/2017 23:13

Thanks snork xxx

Feeling sad...kwick's thread and link to Amazon reviews helping x

Karendvm · 03/03/2017 00:14

Hoping I went through the same decision process when I was 36. Difference was I was with a guy, but then he ended up changing his mind about kids. That has happened twice in the past two years, so I said screw it. Not getting any younger, time to put me first. Don't worry about your mom. She will end up supporting you, especially once you have her grandchild! I think that you know what you want to do, and it is normal to get scared. I've been obsessing about money all day. And now for some reason I'm stuck on the thought/worry that I have a blighted ovum. Always something to worry about. Do what makes you happy. The rest will fall into place.

snork that's a positive. :)

HopingForALittleOne · 03/03/2017 00:38

🦍 hug thank you karen x

INeedNewShoes · 03/03/2017 07:55

Hoping - I think people worry for us because having a child on our own is a lot to take on. Also, the world is still very much fixated on finding a spouse being the natural course of things so some people struggle to adjust to the idea that we can choose to skip the husband and go straight to having a baby.

Anyone who is happily married feels disappointed for us that we haven't found that happiness that they are enjoying and they worry that by becoming a single mum we are giving up on marriage altogether (which I am not, but nor do I see a husband as a 'must have').

Thing is, when I look at all my friends, some of them have lovely partnerships and others do not actually seem to live in the marital bliss we might first assume. In my experience, the dynamic in many couples is that one of the pair is very much in charge and the other has to make all sorts of compromises to keep them happy or there's lots of bickering. One of the reasons I'm single is that I want an equal relationship with a partner; I neither want to be controlled nor be the one who 'wears the trousers'. I haven't found that yet. 3 years ago I was with a man who absolutely doted on me. We'd be married by now if I hadn't ended it, which I did because I knew he was too soft to stand up to me if I was being unreasonable and that the dynamic of the relationship would be him pandering to my every whim - I couldn't stand that!

I suppose what I'm getting at is that although it is the done thing to get married and then have kids, I don't think that is a guarantee of a good life and stable home for everyone. So we shouldn't dwell too much on what we are 'missing' and neither should our support network feel sorry for us for 'missing out'.

We are far better off going into this on our own for the moment, partly because of ticking biological clocks and partly because we may well offer a more stable home to our children on our own than with the 'wrong' partner.

Sorry - I've rambled on for ages!

Hoping - if you want to move back North because you think you'll be happier there, then do it. Your mum is just worried for you; it doesn't sound as though you won't have her support. But I wouldn't move if you're happy where you are and have a good support network in London.

This is something I've deliberated over. If I were to move back North I could buy a nice cottage with the equity from selling my house here, so my financial situation would be far more manageable with no monthly mortgage payments. My parents and sister and three good friends are there so I'd have a good support network there (including a couple of days free childcare a week I imagine). But, my life here is so much fun. It's the first time in my life where I feel like I fit in. I've got wonderful friends and I love the area I live in. There's lots of music stuff going on, where as in the area my parents live there's either one ropey orchestra that wouldn't be enjoyable or a top class pro orchestra I wouldn't be good enough for, so being back there would be the end of my orchestra playing. This is indicative of the fact there are so many more opportunities in everything (sport, arts etc.) in the area I live now, which hopefully my child will benefit from too.

Of course there are areas of northern England where there are loads of opportunities, it just happens that it can't be said of the area I would be moving back to. So although moving North would be the most sensible thing for me to do, if I can possibly make it work financially where I am then I'll fight for that because my life is so enjoyable here at the moment.

I suppose what I'm saying in a very long-winded way Hoping is that if you want to move back up north for you then do it, but don't base that decision on one person (like your mum), or even a handful of people, but on where you think you will be happier.

kwick · 03/03/2017 08:08

hoping stay in London - we can start a thread commune!! Joking aside I really think you have made the right decision- and at the right time. I too was waiting for Mr Right but I waited too long! Also what snork and shoes said Grin

snork congrats on your positive OPK!!!

pickle how are you doing?

Not heard from caution in a while... hope she is ok.

Had a better nights sleep - thank God!!! Trying to shut down on work related stress as much as possible.

OP posts:
Pez82 · 03/03/2017 08:41

Hoping, listen to shoes, the voice of reason Smile

It really stings when one of my good friends who is in the know (but the only person so far who hasn't been overly supportive) suggests I would want to move back to France when I have a baby to be close to my parents. I travelled the world throughout my 20s, then moved to Spain for 3 years and then to London where like shoes, i feel I have finally found my place. So what would I want to leave this to go back and live in the countryside near my family where I would miss all the fun I have on my doorstep in London? Having a child shouldn't be synonym of giving up on life and it's sad when people suggest this. I plan to share all the fun with my future child and will keep on travelling the world with him/her/them. I'm not giving up on who I am! I've already looked into lots of blogs of single women backpacking with children Smile

Only you know what is right for you. Being a single mum in London will be challenging and I know this but this is probably going to be the most wonderful challenge ever.
I'm not giving up on meeting someone nice to spend some time with but I think that deep inside I've never believed in 'the one'. Being tight to someone for life really freaks me out!!!

Like kwick says, if you stay in London, we'll help each other out, not necessarily materially as I'm in the South and would struggle to help with emergency school pick ups but emotionally. We can be there for each other whenever we need to!

And yes, I hope Caution is ok too

Good luck today karen

Karendvm · 03/03/2017 14:30

pez I love that you have looked into traveling with your child. I feel the sabe way. I see so many people, families with two parents, that can't even go out to buy groceries because they use their kids as an excuse. I plan on having a full life if I end up having a child. They will know more than just the town they were born in. It drives me nuts that people treat kids like a death sentence. Maybe it is aldo because I have lived around the world and know that there is so much to see.

StorkAhoy · 03/03/2017 17:32

Hi all!

hoping yep, it's all very similar to things I've thought in the past, difference being my parents think I'm crazy having a baby, but also think I'd be crazy to get married, they are so proud of me and my what they deem successful work life that they don't want anything to rock the boat!

When you're single everyone thinks they have a right to offer an opinion or check that your thinking is sound about having a baby. What a bunch of crap. I'd prefer this to be my choice rather than go into it with a guy and be left, or do the leaving. Most single mothers by choice consider all aspects, financial, emotional, physical etc before committing to the act of having a baby. Most couples don't. Sod them all, do what feels right to you, but make sure you know how you feel.

Back from day 6 scan, lining and follicles growing though it's early days. Back again on Monday.

And loving my fertility smoothies! Yummers.

Munrowalker · 03/03/2017 17:55

Stork, what's your fertility smoothie recipe?
I can't comment on the going alone aspect but I know of many friends who have settled for the first man they found that wanted a baby, and I don't agree with that.
My DH can't have children so that's why we need a donor. If our relationship can survive this, then I'm sure we can get thru anything. It might not be perfect, but it's worth fighting for

Munrowalker · 03/03/2017 17:58

Oh and I don't think it matters if you're single, married, gay, straight, whatever....people always think they can comment on your life choices.
As soon as you get married, you get the baby questions. This is so hard to deal with when you're waiting for treatment. It's like a kick in the gut everyone.

kwick · 03/03/2017 18:14

pez I am not sure we can still be friends now I know you are south of the river Wink

I guess I am lucky that I have my mum and bro and SIL and apple-of-my-eye nephew nearby. Plus cousin and auntie and unc (all in NORTH London pez Grin)
I never thought about travel aspect but probs because traveling is second nature to moi - even before my crazy job.

OP posts:
Pez82 · 03/03/2017 18:24

Ah ah kwick Grin I'm sure in the NORTH you also don't have the problem of people driving across gardens Wink

Munro you're so right about people commenting on life choices whatever the situation. It must be difficult for you as it's true that in people's minds, marriage = children the next year. This is so reductive...

About to read the Amazon reviews of the fanny thread while munching on 🍍 (IUI went well but LH surge still here so I'm worried it was done too early - again)

Snowdog37 · 03/03/2017 18:36

Hi Smile I've been off the threads for a while but now I'm back. In a nutshell in 38 soon to be 39, dh is 45. I've got Premature Ovarian Failure and he's got 1% morphology. So we are going to Prague this summer to do donor egg ivf with icsi. I've never had a baby and it's been a long journey getting to this point. But now everything is booked and paid for, and we are told the success rate is 65%+, I'm finally feeling optimistic! It'll take me a while to catch up on all the news here but in the meantime hugs to all and I'm happy to be back!