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Thinking about ttc with donor sperm as single woman

64 replies

tygr · 08/01/2017 23:33


This is my first thread on this topic and I will have a proper look around as I know lots of other people have been in this situation but I wanted to have my own thread to help me get my thoughts together.

I turn 40 this month. I'm single. I hoped that I'd find the right relationship to have children within but it hasn't happened.

I've been alternating between denial and panic that I've missed my chance for the last few years. I know it might be too late already. I've never been pregnant. I don't know if I'm fertile. It bothers me a lot.

Now I'm turning 40, i think I might just have to buy the bullet and try to go it alone. I'd be very grateful for any suggestions from those with more experience to help me make the decision and how to go about it.

OP posts:
HopingForALittleOne · 09/01/2017 20:13

Hello Smileyou can pay to test your hormone level and also a scan to look at follicles and how many you have produced that month. It will let you know how your fertility compares to averages for your age. I went to a London women's clinic seminar and got a voucher to get these tests done half price . That might help you work out what you would like to do. The seminar also gives you information of what some of the fertility options there are ( iui, ivf, donor eggs). Good luck xxxx

tygr · 09/01/2017 21:20

Thank you!

After I posted last night I googled clinics and had a look at donor pages but then I always get overwhelmed at that point. I think it might be an idea to go to a seminar. Thanks for the tip. I'll see what's available near me.

OP posts:
HopingForALittleOne · 10/01/2017 21:12

Good luck and hope seminar helps you decide what to do xxx

Latenightreader · 12/01/2017 17:22

I''m in a similar position and am currently deciding whether to move on from IUI to ICSI. Clinics will do the tests and give you an idea what your egg reserve is, and that will help you. Most clinics seem to do a free initial meeting/consultation which will give you an idea of options.

This thread ( and its predecessors will give you an idea of the journey - lots of people at different stages including some just starting out. Best of luck!

PhoenixMama · 08/03/2017 11:25

Hi Tygr - I'm about to turn 42 and in such a similar place (although with a second rather than a first). It is scary and sometimes being a single parent is too but I think it's worth it.

Have you talked to anyone about how you're feeling? I've been seeing a therapist and it's helped. I guess I realised I'd regret not trying more...

LondonStill83 · 08/03/2017 11:46

Op, I have a friend who faced almost exactly the same dilemma. She decided to try buying three lots of donor sperm to see if she fell pregnant, and promised herself she would stop after that if nothing worked. She got pregnant the second cycle and now has a beautiful daughter. I have never seen a woman so happy!

somethingrosier · 18/05/2017 10:09

I mean I think you can actually just ask your GP for these tests, if you ask them and explain you can get those tests done with them – I believe the only think they don't do is the AMH test which will test your egg reserves, this is something that'll only be done at a clinic.

Going it alone isn't nearly as hard as people think, or say. We, as humans, adapt. It's what we do.

Rockhopper81 · 23/05/2017 23:46

I think I commented on your other thread? Just to say - I had the scan done privately, but I asked my GP for blood tests for my hormone levels, which they did. My blood tests were for: hormone profile, full blood count, thyroid function and kidney function. Won't the hormone profile include AMH somethingrosier? (Genuine question!)

I have PCOS, so my GP referred my to a gynaecologist as I am 'thinking about conception' - obviously there's no NHS funding available to help me get pregnant, but I'm hopeful the gynaecologist can help with regulating cycles and/or promoting ovulation.

Maybe have a chat with your GP first - I was nervous about talking to mine about it, but just bit the bullet and got it over with. Turns out she is actually very supportive about it all. When I went to ask for the blood test, I actually said, 'if you don't ask you don't get - refusal won't offend', to which she laughed, agreed and then gave me the blood test form. Just to note, I'm the least confident person ever, but I just feel I need to 'give it my all' as I really feel I'm meant to be a mother.

somethingrosier · 24/05/2017 07:59

Rockhopper, as far as I was told, at the GP, it's a test that's far too expensive for them to just do without a reason. I think it's something the NHS could possibly do if you end up needing to visit one of their fertility clinics, but don't quote me on it. Exactly as your GP said, though! If you don't ask, you don't get! I always liked to book my appointments with the younger and less experienced GPs, they were always more likely to just hand the forms over hahaha.

I also have (had?) pcos, after my son passed away I asked them to refer me somewhere but it took 6 months to get an appointment – turns out I didn't need it. Stuck to cycle tracking (like "natural contraception" lol) with cheap strip OPKs from amazon and Basal Body Temperature!

Ttc2017 · 17/11/2017 21:56

Hi new to this was wondering if anyone had had any success I am a single mother looking at donor iui to go it alone

Nessie2018 · 20/11/2017 22:54

I too am in the same situation
I'm 41, have always wanted to become a Mum and know I have lots of love to give. I have had my Amh level tested at a clinic and am about to have a Hycosy test which is to check if my tubes are clear.. it is a minefield but am determined to try. I am going to try IUI first and am currently searching the recommended sperm banks online.. that is going to be a hard decision.. choosing the donor!
Love to hear of any more success stories
Good luck to all of you trying these same routes
I am not an overly confident person but I've managed to get quite far with the research/ tests etc,.
You can do it

Ttc2017 · 20/11/2017 23:59

Hi Nessie great to see some one in same situation! I had my first appointment today I'm not having the hycosy test at moment as I already have children so hoping I have no problems going to go for my first iui in January I know what you mean about donors I been going through the list over and over again it's a very hard decision I'm not fussy really I just want a baby to love no matter what but I have to consider my other children and it fitting into the family ofthat makes sense

Nessie2018 · 21/11/2017 19:04

I agree it's good to chat to someone in the same position
Oo good luck with the IUI are you being given drugs?
the outcome of my Hycosy test will determine which treatment route I go down .. fingers crossed all is ok. Good luck with the IUI
Guessing you didn't have any problems previously as you already have children

Tyg. .. did you have success?

Phoenix mama.. how did you get on too

Ttc2017 · 21/11/2017 19:27

When are you going for your iui? I'm having mine in Jan feels like forever away lol but hopefully it will go quickly! No problems that I know of as others were conceived naturally but waiting for amh results this week to see how high dose of injections I will have. Doing medicated with injectables to get best possible chance. Do you know what type you are going for?

Nessie2018 · 22/11/2017 09:15

Am sure it will come around sooner than you think
Ah ok
I don't know when the IUI will be yet
Need to see how the Hycosy test goes on Friday 😬 It's not supposed to be that nice but it must be done
My consultant said I would have IUI with super ovulation using Menopur.. not sure if that's injections or tablets?!! My amh is 4.8 which is low but I am 41 so it is to be expected. My FSH was 8.6 which is good apparently .. on a scale of 1 to 25 with 25 being bad.
I am learning as I go along!!! Sooo much to get your head around isn't there
Hope you get your amh results back soon x

Ttc2017 · 22/11/2017 11:19

Good luck with hycosy iv read that there not as bad as the thought of them if that makes sense and is all for good cause in the long run :) ive just reserved my sperm I'm so excited but feel a little sick to with nerves it's finally seeming a bit more real!

celticmissey · 22/11/2017 11:28

Go for it. I have a friend who wasn't in a relationship and she used donor sperm. She was 48 when she went through it , having tests, taking fertility drugs etc first and now has a lovely 3 year old little girl. Donor wise - she could choose the physical features and even background of her daughter's father. She has never looked back and has never been happier...

Nessie2018 · 22/11/2017 14:57

Thanks ttc217
Omg well done!! Which sperm bank have you used? I'm currently in the process of researching a few and looking for donors
So many things to consider! Did you order more than one ampoule?

Thanks Celticmissey
Thanks fantastic! Bet your friend is so happy 😁 appreciate the replies it is really helping that I can chat to others in the same situation as me
Good luck all xxx

Nessie2018 · 24/11/2017 19:24

Well I had my Hycosy test today and news I wasn't expecting that my Fallopian tubes are blocked 😥Options are.. this can be investigated further with a laporoscopy .. either privately which would costs thousands apparently!!!! Or would have to get referred by my GP to get it done on the NHS which may take a while,. They can't guarantee they would. W able to unblock the tubes either..
So.... it's either consider this so I can still try IUI to become pregnant or opt for the IVF route which is lots more money and lots more invasive...
am still trying to remain positive though
Consultant said there are still positive signs as at the moment I have an ok egg reserve
I know nothing is guaranteed in this game but I think I have to try at least one IVF

Ttc2017 · 24/11/2017 19:46

Hi Nessie so sorry to hear that is it both blocked as I thought if just one they can still do iui? Will they still do ivf then? I think your right defo worth a go and NHS could take a while I think get on the list though as well as back up.

Persipan · 24/11/2017 23:01

Sorry to hear that, Nessie; that sounds like an extra layer of frustration and difficulty. Honestly, at 41 I'd seriously consider jumping straight to IVF anyway just because the balance of odds is more in your favour, but obviously it's a big decision to make.

Nessie2018 · 25/11/2017 01:03

Hi ttc2017
Thanks .. they are both blocked so IUI not possible. They can still do IVF yes as that does not require the tubes to be clear. Yeah I think I will still talk to my GP.. not sure if I could get NHS funding for IVF if I have a problem?? Or if that's just offered to couples struggling?
Thanks Persipan, yes it was a bit of a curve ball! Yes I am thinking that too.. I know I need to try it.. am thinking about it over the weekend and will then contact my GP and my fertility consultant also
Thanks very much for your messages


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pamelastone · 25/11/2017 18:21

Artificial Insemination has not been tested well yet. Its relatively new for the people. So, going for it to have a child would require a thorough knowledge and conversation with people who has already been through it. All the best!

Persipan · 25/11/2017 18:34

There are over 1,500 Pubmed articles about IUI, so any suggestion it's new and untested is clearly nonsense.

EarlGreyT · 25/11/2017 19:00

What the hell pamelastone. That’s nonsense.

It’s neither new nor untested. And if anyone considering going through it wanted to look into it more, they’d be far better off looking at published peer reviewed evidence and articles than getting a few anecdotes from someone who has been through it.

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