No idea where to begin after separation

[littleOceanB]

Me and my partner (not married) have been together for nearly 11 years and we have a 4 year old son.

Over the last year I have become increasingly unhappy in the relationship, we have tried a few times to make it work but the relation has gotten to the point where it is affecting our sons behavior as he is picking up on tension between us and I really do not want that for him. Yesterday I told my partner I no longer wanted to be together. I now feel like the most awful person in the world.
I am now faced with this daunting feeling of where the hell do I begin. We have our house on a joint mortgage. My biggest worry is if I move out I have no idea where I will go. My parents said I could move in with them but they are as toxic as my other half and the thought of being around them fills me with dread. I feel trapped and fear I will have to stay, no matter how much I don't want to I fear I have no other choice.

My first issue is I have been a stay at home mum the last 4 years, I have a part time zero hours contract job but barely get any hours, it would not be enough to cover bills. I have 20k of debt which I currently have a debt management plan on. My son has not long started school so do not know what to do about that. Just everything feels too much in my head right now. Me and my partner had joint universal credit mid year for a month as he lost his job, could I claim again even if we're living together?

I kind of feel as though I have a weight lifted off of my shoulder but also feel so much dread and anxiety, I feel so bad for my son, like I am going to destroy his world by breaking up the family unit.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

How are you affording the joint mortgage if he has no job and you’re part time? Is there any equity in the house?

He was only out of work for 2 months from losing his previous job to getting another one. He is now back in employment

So you can apply for benefits as a single parent despite living together. Apply immediately for cms, even if he’s not earning now or not earning much, they should automatically start tracking his earnings. I’ve seen on here you can apply for a court order to stay in the house yourself until your child is 18, though payment wise I’m not sure how that works as you’ll clearly need help with the mortgage etc. If you do choose to move out then you’ll get help with housing element, the council can help rehouse you as I appreciate it will be difficult to pass normal agency checks with poor credit history. There’s steps you can take to put your debt on hold though no one can advise much more there without knowing more info. I think along with definitely contacting your local housing authority as a parent facing homelessness due to separation, you need to get to cab who can go through your actual circumstances. I know it’s all very scary and the next year or two you might be all over the place, but bearing in mind your child is very young now and is already being affected by his parents awful relationship. The quicker you pull the plaster off and accept you need to separate, the easier and quicker it will be for them to adjust.

You can’t get a mesher order as you’re not married. And even then it is highly unlikely based on the fact your child is very young and would ( most of the time) be expected to take on 100% of mortgage and bills, just deferring his share of equity.

most likely you’ll have to sell , split any equity and then rent. Then either return to work full time or use uc and cms