Divorce and mortgages

[BirdInFright]

Just wondering if anyone has had to take out big mortgage post divorce?

I would need to borrow more than I am really comfortable with to buy ex out of house. They cannot buy me out; keeping house ensures some stability for children, means gentler transition.I nearly have mortgage in principle.

I am worried about implications but it is difficult to know until I am actually there. Obviously I have put figures into mortgage calculators/ done theoretical budgets etc. But hard to know impact of ex’s spending not being there and there might be other ways I can increase income so might not be as tight as it looks on paper.

How have others found things, financially, post divorce?

I would always urge not to over stretch in order to retain the house

Thanks @millymollymoomoo - I know - it is doable though - just a bigger mortgage than I would ideally like. And in two years, I can find another deal or move… Just anxiety provoking for now (but I am anxious about everything)…

Hi, im 6 years post buying my ex out. My mortgage was around 185k which i know isn't massive compared to some, but as a mid 50s singleton with v limited savings it felt huge. Especially when the col hit and my original 2 yr deal ended. But it has been doable. I ended up taking on more hours at work and lead a v boring life! So dont really do meals out, nails, weekends away. I'll need to sell and downsize in order to retire in a few years so there is a plan. It helped the DC to maintain their home so despite the financial hit and anxiety for me it was worth it.

Ah, thanks so much @annonymousnamechange - that is so helpful. Yes, there are ways I can keep living costs low (I already do for myself and I won’t have unpredictable spending from ex). Just worried about trying to save etc but maybe I just can’t save a lot immediately but can get myself in a better place gradually. Once kids are older, I can downsize… Hope you are overall happier post divorce…

I did and it concerned me especially as I borrowed to the age of 80 or something

However having said that, as everything settled down I started to prioritise over payments so have now got it down to the age of 60 which I think is a lot better

It's still taken my payments higher compared to what I was pre divorce (and I lost an income and no child support)

So lots of cutting back in other places

However keeping the kids in the same house has been really good

If you take into account all the moving fees and if you downsize - what you going to get rid of during a very stressful divorce

If you can buy them out I would do that

Even if you then sell the property and buy something cheaper once it's all settled down

Both ex and I wanted to keep the house but neither of us could afford to buy the other out. I couldn’t get a mortgage so had to seriously downsize with two small dc.

Looking back I feel I did the right thing as I have not had to worry so much with cost of living increases like food and energy bills. I would not like to be concerned about money, bills and mortgages so I think it was worth moving for the peace of mind despite the upheaval and smaller home.

Thanks for helpful perspectives. I think I will stay for now, providing mortgage approved. Can budget and make things work. I can move in a couple of years if need be or try to get better mortgage deal.

Think it is the anxiety of the unknown that is particularly bad right now… it attaches to different things- eg: right now it is mortgage but at other point it has been kids etc