Positive separation stories

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Desperate for positive stories about separating with teenaged kids where you still do some stuff together as a family. Finally admitted defeat 3 years on from husbands affair when he’s told me he still has feelings for her. No wonder I’ve never felt like he’s come back to me. I’m just heartbroken at the thought of telling the kids bc we still get on well en famille most of the time.

you Don’t have to do things as a family unit.

most divorced couples don’t. ….. or that comes down the line years after the emotional wrecking ball of divorce has subsided. I don’t think you should cling on to it or try to force it now.

now is about moving on, breaking ties and reliance on him and moving forward. Once youve done that, maybe.

im friendly with my ex, we get on on, can go to events together ( like parents evening or similar ) and not cause a scene and get on but would we all as a family go out for the day to theme park or theatre etc …. No

just my view

sorry for the hurt you’re experiencing

Yes. My older daughters and their Dad have a wonderful co-parenting relationship. We have days out together, we spend Christmas together, and due to my autoimmune and DV with my youngest boys, he also sometimes watches them so I can rest occasionally, as I home educate the oldest due to her autism and she wouldn't get the best education if I wasn't well enough - he works FT so couldn't provide this.

I'm not sure if it would change if he meets someone else though - I'd imagine it probably would somewhat, but the girls are 15&16 now so, it's nice for them to be able to "hang out" with both of us.

My DD15 has a large online following and posts about days out and gets alot of "what do you mean your parents don't hate each other" comments.

I think we're definitely in the minority but it can be done.

I think there’s a difference between hating each other vs not want wanting to hang out together.

I don’t hate my ex. We get on reasonably well. We largely co parent well. We are civil, friendly etc but do we want to hang out together? Nope.

not saying one is right or wrong but there’s a bit in the middle where it’s not either or ( ie you either hate each other or you’re best friends and want to do things together ) . I think most people fall someone in that middle

We separated when the DC were in primary but now they are teens. My ex has remarried.
We watch the DC in their activities occasionally all together, have birthday meals for the kids, & go to parents/information evenings together. We also have mutual friends so occasionally get invited to the same events like christening's and birthday parties. If the kids aren’t there we’ll just tend to say hi, but if the kids are there, we’ll all spend time together so the kids don’t have to decide who to spend time with.
I’m not saying it’s always easy but I think the kids like it.

Yep, me and my ex. Although we're not the norm amongst my divorced friends!

We separated 3 years ago, divorced 2 years ago. We were married for 17 years, having been together for 20.

Kids are now 18 and 16, so 15 and 13 then. This summer we went away for a "final" family holiday just the 4 of us before eldest goes off to uni. And it was great.

We've never stopped doing things as a family unit for DC birthdays and Christmas, and still have meals out with wider family (grandparents, uncles) for special occasions for DC,most recently for a level/gcse results.

We also have a shared friendship group who we both still hang out with , attending the same 3 events and parties,.not even with the kids.

We have a key for each others houses. He helped me fit new smoke alarms in my new house and fitted my TV to the wall in my new bedroom, his washing machine broke and I collected his washing and did a couple of loads whilst he waited for a new one, and ive helped him with gardening occasionally.

I also have a new partner who I met not long after we separated (been together 2.5 years now) and he and my ex get on great, and me and DP have attended parties at ex's house with the rest of mine and ex friendship group.

It wasn't always this easy though. Ex had a tendency to be very grumpy and passive aggressive through our marriage. Blaming me for anything that went wrong, expected me to know/do/fix anything that inconvenienced him, rarely showed me affection unless wanting sex, the usual bullshit misogynistic expectations on the responsibility for the mental load etc. All of which made me feel pretty shit about everything I did or didnt do. And as a result we had zero intimacy for many years before we finally split, existing in the same sphere as roommates basically.

Also when I first met my DP, (i told him relatively early on out of respect as we live in a small town and didn't want to hide) he was vile and accused me of cheating etc as it was so soon, but there genuinely was zero overlap and i had quite clear "evidence" of when I first met my DP. I know it wasn't ideal that it was so soon after and I understand why he was hurt, but luckily he did calm down and see reason quite soon.

I saw a meme once that said
"Divorce doesnt have to be the end of a family, it's a reorganisation" and that sums us up perfectly. We have a much better relationship as friends and co-parents now than we'd had as a couple in the last 10 years! He will always be my family and we continue to care about and support one another just not as a romantic couple.

So there IS hope.
But I guess it may only be like this/easier if you are both agreed about separation and there is no cheating/abuse that ended the marriage.