DP debts and separating. Please help!

[Worriednelly]

Hi all. I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. I'll try keep it brief and apologies for typos, I haven't been able to sleep much. Split up with DP of 5 years for good last weekend. For context, I have DC from a previous relationship and we live together in a house with mortgage. I earn slightly more than him and only have a very small amount of money saved.

We've split up due to me finding out about him gambling, having hidden debts and being reckless. We have had issues in the past with him gambling but it was minor amounts and he had committed to stopping completely. I have told him so many times if he is open and honest with me I'm happy to support him with anything. My issue is with his lying, he has never been completely honest and it feels like every month there is a new lie. I found out last weekend that he had spent the weekend trying to apply for pay day loans and being refused them. We have money in our joint account so I couldn't understand why he would do this and what they were for. He has refused to tell me and has been very defensive any time I try to have a conversation with him. He's took the week off work, I presumed called in sick. It's not the first time he's done this and I'm worried he might lose his job. Any time I try and have a conversation he becomes very abusive and starts calling me names. He's done nothing but moped around the house all week, whilst I've been busy WFH and keep on top of the cleaning, cooking etc. Hasn't apologised and gets angry if 'look upset' and tells me I should be in control of my emotions.

I'd had enough yesterday and asked if he could stay somewhere for the night to give me some space. This lead to him exploding, and being very verbally abusive. He has taken his things and said he's moving out and will collect the remainder of his things today. However, he has said he won't be paying anything towards the mortgage or bills and I don't know how I'm going to manage. I don't have a huge amount of savings after helping him pay off his debts last year. I did this on the basis that all our money would be in a joint account moving forwards and he wouldn't get in anymore debt. I also found out over the weekend he has more debts I wasn't even aware of.

I'm completely devastated, I've done everything I can to try and support him but to also keep our family home and stability for my DC.

What am I suppose to do next? If I put the house up for sale in the current market we'll most likely have to sell at a loss. I can't afford to live here alone so I suppose that's my only option. Is there any way I can stop him taking out any loans against the house? I also have a feeling that after a couple of weeks of fending for himself he's going to want to move back in as its much more comfortable life for him here. Due to us both owning the house, I can't stop him living here, can I?

There will be far more knowledgeable people along soon but I think it will be helpful in this case that he is a DP not a DH. I think you need proper legal advice though about the mortgage.

Register your home on the Land Registry Property Alert system. You’ll receive an email the moment an application is made to secure a loan on the property.

As you both own the property then no, you can’t prevent him from living in it without an occupation order - the threshold for which is high and usually granted due to abuse which you can evidence. You’re jointly liable for the mortgage, but ultimately you can’t insist he pays it - and if he’s moved out and you don’t want him back then the usual position would be that you cover the full mortgage as “occupational rent” for his share of the property which you are solely living in.

If ideally you’d want to keep the house then speak with your lender about things which may mean you’re able to do so, such as extending the term and additional borrowing to buy him out.

You're not married, which is a blessing. The rest is just admin. Empty the joint bank account and take your name off it. Keep the money aside as he may well be able to claim half of it. Take legal advice.

Plus everything the previous poster said.

Thank you so much for the advice, it's really helped me think about it logically.
@ComtesseDeSpair that's my fear, I have no way of stopping him from living here as I would have no evidence to get an occupation order because the abuse us only verbal/controlling and he's doesn't do it over message ect. And if he doesn't live here I can't expect he'll pay half of the mortgage.
Great advice about speaking to the lender and looking at additional borrowing to buy him out. I'll get on to them today and if it looks possible I'll get in touch with a solicitor to put forwards the arrangement.

@AmandaHoldensLips I'm cautious about emptying the joint account as he will have bills that will bounce if I do so. On the other hand, it does worry me that he may do this. I get paid next week and my salary comes into my seperate account so I'll keep that in there and just transfer over half of the bills.

Can anyone recommend where to get legal advice?

Obviously a solicitor for legal advice; if cost is an issue then see if there’s a local law advice centre or university with a pro-bono unit. As you’re not married and presuming you’re joint tenants, the position is pretty simple: just a 50/50 split of the house and any shared assets, all your savings in your own accounts and any vehicles you own are yours.

To add, you can also ask your lender for a payment holiday or temporary interest-only period to help you through the next few months whilst you’re deciding whether the house needs to be sold and preparing it for sale if so.