Ex making zero effort

[Meg878o]

Ex and I split up at the beginning of the year. We have 3 primary aged children. He makes no effort with them and gives me the basic cms and moans or refuses to help with any additional costs, school uniform, trainers, shoes, football boots etc etc. He hasn't seen the kids once yet during the summer holidays. He doesn't even attempt to see them during the week and only offers to see them on a weekend occasionally. How do you get over the anger and feeling of injustice for your kids.

I'm not sure you do, because you have such a valid reason to feel angry. I guess it might help to accept that you can't rely on your ex, and to engage with him as minimally as possible. Maybe when less of your energy goes into listening to him or expecting things from him you'll have more left over for yourself and your children. Who are the ones who deserve your full attention - not him. Especially now that they have an uninterested father, it's more important that you focus on them, as you're essentially filling out the role as both mum and dad.

It helps to completely detach. I don’t speak to ex unless it’s essential. Everything is organised via a coparenting app. I don’t remind him about events anymore. I tell school etc to share everything direct if he doesn’t read it that’s his problem. You are parallel parenting not coparenting.

I assume I will pay for everything and do everything. I never rely on him. I always have family as back up when I plan anything for myself in case he flakes.

The pay off is you end up with a much closer relationship with your dc who finally grow up to appreciate your hard work and sacrifices.

i was lucky to have family support nearby and if I hadn’t I would have moved as that made being a single parent with a deadbeat ex much easier.

I moved 100 miles away from my ex recently, he still doesn't know we moved because he doesn't call our DD or show any interest.
Am I Resentful towards him, for sure I also have the same hardly pays and uses money as a weapon when he can.

It's hard being a lone parent but you navigate around the challenges. I had to stop relying on him as he bailed on us so many times (all my fault of course)
Life has a way to teaching deadbeats
Detatching is hard but it's possible

I think by coming to the realisation and acceptance that by holding onto resentment and anger only hurts you ( and possibly your children)

it wont change your ex’s behaviour. It will just make your world smaller and more bitter so there’s no point holding onto it

you can’t control your ex and his actions ( or lack of) but you can control how you choose to react to it

Write him off as the pointless selfish waste of space he is. The sooner you do, the sooner you can build a new life for you and your dcs.

You dont get over the anger - it just makes it worse.

Ex goes on breaks with her guy - no problem with that as I do with my DP but kids come first. Too often she has no to them due to affordability!!

Who paid for son's car at 17 - I did. The only way I can get anything back is that I refused to pay for lessons as took him out loads. Probably spent 2.5k compared to her 1k. Because of that I refuse to pay anything for anything else (like DD food for food tech) - she can pay for that!