Amicable separation/seeing exes family

[naturalbaby]

I'm wondering how others are managing amicable separation and seeing 'ex' family members.
Long post, bear with...

We've been separated 2 years, met when I was 18, together 25yrs. We agreed we still wanted to be part of each other's lives as friends and prioritise the kids welfare, keeping the 'family' routine the same for as long as possible so the kids had stability. We split up early December and spent that Christmas together, went to his parents house on boxing day like we always have done.

Both sets of parents still see the ex as a part of the family and said they are still invited/welcome to any family gathering as they always have been. I've met up with my ex in laws and extended family as much as possible and my ex has avoided my family from the start of the separation as he feels "awkward".

I'm wondering if I should back off and reduce contact with him and his parents.

My ex in laws want to see my parents soon and we talked about all meeting up over the summer, I suggested one of the kids birthdays as an opportunity for a get together like we have always done but now I'm wondering if this is a good idea. They don't live close to each other and are all super busy so the only time they really saw each other was kids birthdays, family events etc.
Ex recently went to a big extended family gathering and I was invited by the relative organising it but ex made it clear he wasn't comfortable with me being there so I didn't go. I had been to one of these events a year ago and he made it clear he felt 'odd' that I was there.

I guess I'm finally grieving the end of a long relationship, and a huge part of my life that I hoped wouldn't be cut off but may well be. I still have contact with his parents and see them without him but was hoping we'd get to a point where I wouldn't be excluded. It's been 2 years and he may never be comfortable with me spending time with his family but at the same time we spend a lot of time together with our teenagers due to the logistics of where we live, school etc so it feels like he's happy to spend time with me but not if anyone else is around.

Can you change your mindset and just see the ex ILs as friends instead? So respect exH wish to keep a distance by not going to family events (and as hard as it will be to accept, you aren't part of the family now) but go to their house when he isn't there, invite them to yours occasionally, maybe a day out with the DC etc. You may have to accept that the friendship will drift or change over time but hopefully not. you will need to change your mindset away from family though because if you push that angle and it makes exH too uncomfortable, his family might start to take his side and push you away just to keep him happy.

After the first few months I stopped going to family events with him and have seen his parents without him a few times.
I know a big factor for me is I didn't have a close relationship with my extended family because we emigrated when I was young, and his family gave me something I'd never had. It meant a lot to me that I was still included and invited after we separated and initially I suspected he felt awkward because a girl he was seeing had very fixed ideas about spending time with kids/family members so as he spent more time with her he seemed to change his mind.
It's frustrating because we're all so busy with work and the kids routines, it was hard to see his parents regularly before we separated but now it's even harder. I've only seen them once this year and am making plans to see them this summer without him but even that feels too much.

Honestly? I think it’s better to move on. I’m a very forward looking person though and my ex is an unpleasant person, I have as little as possible to do with him, and by extension his family.