Handhold through separation

[weetabix80]

Relationship has been falling apart for years, emotional and verbal abuse and now things have got ‘mildly’ physical I know it’s time to go. We haven’t discussed it, we don’t have a plan, and I can’t bring myself to actually do it because I’m so caught up with sadness about the life I’ll now never have. Plus I’m terrified of what my future looks like. He avoids me, hasnt mentioned the latest incident at all.

The sheer fear of never having the family or home I’ve always wanted, never getting married, not being able to give my kids the life they deserve, and the thought of being late 40s and on my own, leaves me petrified.

any advice on how to navigate this? I’ve no idea how to even start discussions about separation. How do you come to terms with the fact that life is nothing as you’d always hoped it would be? I just need some reassurance that I’ll get out of this black hole!

If your partner is abusive I think you are meant to leave without telling him in advance for your own safety? The advice on here is normally to contact Women’s Aid for help creating a safe exit plan from the relationship.

As for never getting married, you are much more likely to be able to get married if you find someone new that you like than if you stay in this bad relationship so don’t worry about that 🙂

Good luck, try to focus on the wonderful new life you will have without your abusive partner clouding it over with misery and abuse

Good luck op. You really deserve to have a better, happier life. You'll never have it with your dh. You almost surely will, eventually, if you leave him.
Contact woman's aid first.

How many kids do you have?

Two, primary age

Thank you, this is what I keep thinking, I just can’t get my head around starting again in my 40s… and never having that ‘conventional’ life that I always thought would… it’s totally overwhelming. I don’t have much money, he does, so I feel like I’ll be watching him live out the life I thought we’d have together!

Are they his children ?

Yes

When it was me, I said ‘we need to talk about separating’ which we did for maybe 15 minutes then I went out and left him to think about things.

It was over the next few weeks that we sorted out the practicalities of selling the house etc. It takes time.

Your situation sounds a little more precarious than mine if there is abuse though. But trust me when I say life is LOVELY on the other side. I am broke but I am very very happy indeed.

You’ll be ok. Starting the process is harder than any of the rest of it.

Well there are two parts. The emotional part and the practical part. This site is great with both.
Sadly your situation is not uncommon and I’ve seen many women on here post with similar feelings about the shock and confusion and chaos after a decision has been made. Then this moves to organisation mode, acceptance and the start of a new life.
What’s honestly the absolute top stress factor at the moment for you?