I am struggling. I know it has to happen, but I can't bring myself to pull the plug. We've been together for 10 years. We have two beautiful kids. He desperately wants a home that's not like the one he grew up in (son of divorced parents and kinda unstable). However, I don't think we're good for each other.
For his "basic" need, his sexual preferences/kinks don't match mine. He wants a woman who 1. Likes to be degraded and 2. Who likes pain. I tell him that something hurts, and he tries to tell me that I do. He spat in my face the other night, and when I got angry, he was like, I thought we were enjoying our kinks.
Beyond that, he's been my biggest bully. I've been called every name in the book, a bad mom, barely a person bc I'm too sensitive and skittish, unattractive, etc. All I've ever done is ruin things in his life, blah, blah, blah.
I keep pushing the goal post, you know? I've told myself the next time he says this, or this...or the next time he hits me (only did it once, never again). I've talked to him about things he's said and he either doesnt "remember" or that I demonized what he said.
It's worse that he's started yelling at me in front of my kids. Then, he tries love up on them, and they want nothing to do with him, and I dont think he understands why.
He goes on these yelling tirades about how I make him hate his life, and how terrible it is that he has to deal with me, and expects everything to be normal two hours later after he calms down.
Yesterday, he exploded BAD and was sweet as can be today. Its this weird back and forth thats confusing as shit.
My mom has told me to leave him. His own grandma has told me to leave him. I hate weekends bc it means all day with him. Why am I struggling so much to actually do it when I feel in my heart its whats right?