Hello, my soon to be ex husband and I continue live together while we navigate divorce. He’s completely disengaged from the process as it was not his decision to split. He wants us to stay together only for the children, the financial benefit and the fact that he works shifts so he needs to me to do 90% of the childcare.
Whenever I do something to move this process on, such as get the house valued or attempt to discuss plans he gets very angry and there is a horrible atmosphere in the house. Recently he has mentioned that he is likely to move to the other side of town at some point because he finds the area we live in to be ‘drab’. The place he intends to live is 45-1hr away from the kids school in traffic and he also works early shifts starting at 7am, late shifts which finish around 10pm or split shifts.
He doesn’t want to discuss childcare arrangements or anything finance related and keeps saying ‘it will be 50:50 on everything’. I have asked him how this is going to work and what is he planning specifically but he says he doesn’t understand why I need to know where his new location will be or what his work pattern will be because ‘he’ll make it work’.
Obviously i want him to have an equal relationship with our children but i can’t see how 50:50 is going to work right now. I’m open to it if he can make it work but right now he won’t tell me how this is going to be feasible. I have this feeling he will be calling on me to help ad hoc but with him moving away from the area and me also having a high pressured role I can’t be put in this position. I’ve said to him im
not sure we’ll agree on this and that we should try mediation but he has shut that down also and said he absolutely will not spend money on
mediation.
in the meantime I am getting all the house/finance stuff in order and have tried to open up discussions about this but again he just shuts me down. He said it’s my decision so I should sort it all out but when I try to discuss he’s a bit like ‘whatever, do what you want’
I feel very stuck