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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Advice without judgement

9 replies

Lost2026user · 17/07/2026 13:38

Hi - please no judgement.

I have been married for 2 months and already not happy in my marriage.

My husband drinks everyday and also lies to me about his drinking too.

When I confront him he deflects and shifts blame onto me and won’t admit to lying when I can clearly tell he is intoxicated slurred speech and unsteady on his feet.

I didn’t live with him before marriage as this is not allowed due to cultural reasons.

What do I do? I have tried talking to him about his drinking numerous times and he says it’s not a problem but it is. I feel so lost and alone and feel like if I talk to any of my family or friends they will not be supportive and judge-mental.

He is perfect in every other way and no abuse of any kind, he works pays all the bills doesn’t control me in anyway but promised me his drinking won’t affect the marriage but it is. It’s just the drinking everyday I’m struggling to cope with and really on edge and anxious on social gatherings as worried he will embarrass me and let me down. When he starts he doesn’t not know when to stop but won’t listen to me when I tell him.

On top of this he has a few health problems with is made worse by drinking but he doesn’t seem to take responsibility for his own health. He said he wants a baby but I won’t be bringing a child into this world/marriage when I already have these doubts.

My family won’t support me in leaving him as said I chose him myself so can’t ever come back to them. I live with him in his family home but I am financially independent I go to work full time and have my own money.

If it continues I don’t think I can wait another 10 months before filing for divorce. Can I get marriage annulled due to false promises and alcoholism?

OP posts:
pointythings · 17/07/2026 13:51

I don't know about annulment, but you absolutely can leave over this. Alcoholics don't often get better. They usually get worse.

If you are financially independent, prepare to leave. You may need to settle for a room in a shared house, but you can rebuild your life. If you're in the UK, you can divorce after a year.

No judgement from me, I took far too long leaving my alcoholic husband.

There's a thread on the Alchol board that might help you - it's for people needing support because they are living with an alcoholic.

Enrichetta · 17/07/2026 13:55

How much does he drink in a typical week?

A lot of people have a glass of wine with dinner most days, but that doesn’t mean they have a problem with alcohol.

Lost2026user · 17/07/2026 13:58

@pointythingsthank you I will look for the thread. I feel like a married a fraudster and my family paid so much for the wedding. I feel a certain amount of shame too it’s just so sad

OP posts:
Lost2026user · 17/07/2026 14:00

@Enrichettaat least a 4 pack of beer daily but increases to 6 on Fri Sat Sun maybe more. He hides it from me but I can see the cans in the garbage and on ring doorbell of him throwing it thinking I won’t find out

OP posts:
Lost2026user · 17/07/2026 14:02

Yesterday I asked him if he’s been drinking he said no but I could tell he had been. 5 min later he said he had 2. Then an hour later he said 2 cans doesn’t class as drinking but I know he clearly had more

OP posts:
LilyDaisyRoseFern · 17/07/2026 14:37

Guessing you are Asian OP

Leave now it doesn't sound like you are happy at all and feeling tricked into this and trapped already - this won't get better, it will only drain you increasingly if you let time pass you by.

Your family will come around eventually, for now try and leave on your own. Hope you have good friends IRL

Lost2026user · 17/07/2026 17:43

@LilyDaisyRoseFern yes I know it’s just so sad and upsetting that this has happened so early on when we promised forever I feel like such a failure and I’ve let my family down

OP posts:
LilyDaisyRoseFern · 18/07/2026 08:51

Lost2026user · 17/07/2026 17:43

@LilyDaisyRoseFern yes I know it’s just so sad and upsetting that this has happened so early on when we promised forever I feel like such a failure and I’ve let my family down

Trust me the best thing is to leave early, you have enough time to rebuild and put this behind you, in five years you could forget this blip ever happened

If you stay, this is your life.....

Family will come around eventually

LilyDaisyRoseFern · 18/07/2026 08:54

None of this is your fault, the problem with the cultures that do not allow live-in relationships prior to marriage is not being able to get to know the boyfriend/fiance well enough and allows them to hide a lot of their reality

Even if there were a bunch of red flags that you missed, it does not justify you having to stay in this to atone, his alcoholism is not your problem

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