Ex Father in Law chasing money since seperating

[DadofThreeee]

my former father-in-law, lets call him Paul, who is claiming that I owe money from various "family loans" dating back to 2017–2022.

Background

• I separated from my ex-wife late 2025.
• Following the separation, Paul contacted me regarding a Barclaycard balance transfer and, for the first time, raised several older alleged loans.
• Prior to this, the only debts specifically discussed with me during the separation were the Barclaycard balance and an Argos account.

Barclaycard

• A balance transfer was made in March 2025 to consolidate spending/ remaining amount previously made on Pauls credit cards for household expenses.
• My understanding is that I paid my 50% share.
• Some of my contributions were paid directly to Paul, while others were paid to my ex-wife before payments changed to going directly to him.
• I have evidence of at least one £100 payment made to my ex-wife in March 2025, which she used to cover a temporary sick pay shortfall rather than passing on to her dad.
• Paul's records do not appear to reflect all of my contributions because they only show payments he received directly.

Older Alleged Loans Paul has listed the following as outstanding:

• Summer 2019 holiday – £61 outstanding.
• November 2019 home upgrade – £302.50.
• February 2020 M&S shortfall – £38.13 outstanding.
• February 2021 car loan – £395.
• May 2022 Hopton holiday – £150.

These alleged loans total £946.63.

I do not have records relating to these alleged loans because they date back several years. During the marriage, many financial matters were handled mostly through my ex-wife, and I made payments to her towards our joint financial commitments. I cannot now verify how those funds were subsequently allocated.
Paul has not provided loan agreements, repayment schedules or documentary evidence beyond his own records and recollection.
Wedding Gift and Family Support
Paul also refers to:

• a £500 wedding gift given in April 2017; and
• over £700 provided before the wedding.

He acknowledges these were gifts but now says he believes they were given under false pretences because he later discovered I had financial difficulties. My understanding has always been that these were gifts and family support, not loans and were not used in anyway to support my own struggles

Current Position
My position is:

• I do not believe I have any outstanding liability.
• I believe I paid my share of the Barclaycard balance.
• I do not consider the wedding gift or other family support to be repayable.
• I have requested evidence supporting the remaining alleged loans, but none has been produced beyond Paul's own records and recollection.
• Paul has indicated he may pursue legal action if I do not make further payments.

thoughts on the following;

• the strength of any potential civil claim for the alleged loans;
• the significance of there being no written loan agreements;
• how payments made through my ex-wife may affect matters;
• the best way to respond if legal proceedings are commenced.
• he brings up alot of disappointment and hurt but this is not factual

Seriously…
It is a small amount of money.
Can’t you just pay it?

Ignore!

Don'tpay, that looks like you accept liability. Then he'll insist on you paying interest on top, before thinking up endless sums for endless items.He sounds like a loon.

How much money did you borrow from your FIL and why couldn’t you pay your own way in life as an adult? Why didn’t you keep track of all the money you borrowed? If you borrow money from someone it’s unbelievable to not even bother keeping track of it! The money borrowed was so frivolous as well! If you can’t afford a holiday don’t have one, for example! It sounds like he’s absolutely sick of bankrolling you and hoping to get something back during the settlement. And it also sounds like there’s a lot more to this.

A lot of this was handled between my ex wife and him, the money was not lent to me per se but more the family hence why I do not have the figures, amount paid etc. Yes there is a lot more but its more his opinion and not factual hence why it was removed.

He is wanting to retire soon and this seems to be a way of guilt tripping me into paying back, I highly doubt he is chasing my ex wife for the amounts.

Do.you believe you borrowed money from Paul? Or do you think he may have helped his DD occasionally with cash?
Either way if you didn't borrow money from him, just tell him you have no knowledge of any financial arrangements he may have had with his daughter.

Well I thought I had paid this as all financials were sent and handled with/by my ex wife, she took payment holidays from him, it is a small amount of money but I also pay half a mortgage for where the children live most of the time plus child support, I also help towards after school club and activities, I always pick and drop the children off as my ex does not drive. I have my own household bills to cover and imo had settled the barclaycard - the only thing that was mentioned as I paid £100 per month up to the 50/50 amount (this was never agreed or not accepted but feel I do not owe beyond that)

there was numerous money given and passed to my ex to help out as he has worded it in the previous emails by "gift" and "family support" There is no agreement and no money went from him directly to me, some of this goes back to 2017-2022

I’d tell him to jog on, and let him go get legal assistance as they will tell him he is acting like a loon.

£38.13 from M&S 6 years ago??
I would have laughed. Tell him to chase your ex wife.
Do not accept any liability for these.
Unless he has any proof I (signed loan agreements text messages ) I would block nd ignore.

If there’s no loan agreement he can’t make a legal claim against you. Even a text message where you both acknowledge something is a loan might be enough but if he doesn’t have that he can just jog on.

It will be a small claims matter. If he does pursue it through the Court he would have to produce evidence to substantiate his claims. You would need to refute each item he alleges you owe, preferably with documentary evidence in support, such as the emails etc. It’s a long shot for him. Would he also be suing his daughter on the basis she is jointly liable? The Court is likely to find these sums were gifts to both of you. He can’t pursue sums more than six years old (the Limitation period). Don’t accept any liability, tell him you will leave him to take whatever action he feels is necessary. Then block him. Edited because I have read your update saying you never received any money directly from him, all sums were given to your exW. On that basis it’s a matter between him and his daughter . He can’t pursue you for sums given to her.

How was the divorce between you and your ex? Is he using this as a petty way to get back at you? Or, he just wants some money?

I'd been really pissed off.

Ffs don’t indulge him, ignore. If he wanted to call this in then he should have made you sign contracts at the time. Grasping old fucker.

Get ChatGPT to draft you a response to him explaining the law and how loans work and that’s he’s not a fucking bank.

I’d be saying to him to deal with anything financial via your ex. That you don’t recall these debts. Very odd and petty to be trying to get gifts back after years.

This is so weird and so outing. Why have you included every single minute detail in your OP? If you are certain that you don't owe him any money then just forward all his communications to your ex.

I would block him on everything and return any post from him unopened.

I have no legal knowledge but would imagine that without any evidence of them being loans (texts, emails, written proof) he'd be very hard pressed to prove that you owe him anything.

I'd ignore and definitely not pay! Or if you do reply, say you have no knowledge of any loans and refer him back to his child if that's who the money was given to.

I'd put it into a message (so you have evidence). Saying 'Loans between yourself and your daughter are between the two of you. I'm not involved and never have been in this. You need to talk to her about this and resolve it between yourselves.'

If this is money that was given to you and your ex, then it could be seen as outstanding loans. So if, for example, the amount outstanding is £1000, once you are sorting out the split of finances the £1000 is treated as a joint debt and taken off any assets you jointly hold before those assets are split.

Hope you didn't sign up to ChatGBT just to write that!

It's honestly such a small and inconsequential amount just ignore him an stop engaging with him. Why are you even in contact with him?

I agree with this. I wouldn't use the term loan though.
I'd simply say "I have not been involved in money transfers between you and my ex wife. I have now divorced and settled the financial affairs relating to our marriage which included both sides confirming to court they had made a full disclosure of finances and Jenny didn't disclose any loans. Please don't contact me again on this matter".

I'd write him a polite and reasoned letter (not using AI) explaining your position on this.

Keep it short. Say that you regret the breakdown in your marriage and the consequent impact on your relationshio with him but that any actual loans have in your understanding been repaid via the payments made through your ex and that the gifts were gifts. Avoid getting into detail with respect to individual amounts.

It is extremely unlikely that he will take any action but it's good to have your side of the story down in black and white.

If true, this is bizarrely outing unless you have changed lots of the details