Ex Father in Law chasing money since seperating

[DadofThreeee]

my former father-in-law, lets call him Paul, who is claiming that I owe money from various "family loans" dating back to 2017–2022.

Background

• I separated from my ex-wife late 2025.
• Following the separation, Paul contacted me regarding a Barclaycard balance transfer and, for the first time, raised several older alleged loans.
• Prior to this, the only debts specifically discussed with me during the separation were the Barclaycard balance and an Argos account.

Barclaycard

• A balance transfer was made in March 2025 to consolidate spending/ remaining amount previously made on Pauls credit cards for household expenses.
• My understanding is that I paid my 50% share.
• Some of my contributions were paid directly to Paul, while others were paid to my ex-wife before payments changed to going directly to him.
• I have evidence of at least one £100 payment made to my ex-wife in March 2025, which she used to cover a temporary sick pay shortfall rather than passing on to her dad.
• Paul's records do not appear to reflect all of my contributions because they only show payments he received directly.

Older Alleged Loans Paul has listed the following as outstanding:

• Summer 2019 holiday – £61 outstanding.
• November 2019 home upgrade – £302.50.
• February 2020 M&S shortfall – £38.13 outstanding.
• February 2021 car loan – £395.
• May 2022 Hopton holiday – £150.

These alleged loans total £946.63.

I do not have records relating to these alleged loans because they date back several years. During the marriage, many financial matters were handled mostly through my ex-wife, and I made payments to her towards our joint financial commitments. I cannot now verify how those funds were subsequently allocated.
Paul has not provided loan agreements, repayment schedules or documentary evidence beyond his own records and recollection.
Wedding Gift and Family Support
Paul also refers to:

• a £500 wedding gift given in April 2017; and
• over £700 provided before the wedding.

He acknowledges these were gifts but now says he believes they were given under false pretences because he later discovered I had financial difficulties. My understanding has always been that these were gifts and family support, not loans and were not used in anyway to support my own struggles

Current Position
My position is:

• I do not believe I have any outstanding liability.
• I believe I paid my share of the Barclaycard balance.
• I do not consider the wedding gift or other family support to be repayable.
• I have requested evidence supporting the remaining alleged loans, but none has been produced beyond Paul's own records and recollection.
• Paul has indicated he may pursue legal action if I do not make further payments.

thoughts on the following;

• the strength of any potential civil claim for the alleged loans;
• the significance of there being no written loan agreements;
• how payments made through my ex-wife may affect matters;
• the best way to respond if legal proceedings are commenced.
• he brings up alot of disappointment and hurt but this is not factual

If he did try and take it to court it couldn't be just against you. It would have to be his daughter aswell. Do they have a good relationship?
It doesnt sound like he has the evidence to back it up.
Does it make life awkward for you? Do you have to see him at all?

Block him. He has no case given you rarely paid him directly.

OP, this is astonishingly petty. I hope it makes your FIL feel better, dredging up small sums from years ago. I’d ignore it - you and his DD are no longer together, and if these supposed debts were incurred during your marriage, at the very least you’re jointly liable with his DD. Let him take you to the small claims court if he can be bothered - he’d have a hard time proving most of this.

Tell him, politely, to get lost. And by the way, only on Mumsnet is £946 a “small amount of money” as a previous poster said. “Just pay it” wouldn’t be an option for many of us.

Just ignore him . Dont give him any time of day. Just say he’s welcome to recoup from your ex should he wish to pursue the matter.
he sounds bonkers

If no money went directly to you and all was passed to your ex wife then I would tell him in no uncertain terms that any money he passed to his daughter was a loan to her alone and if she chose as your wife to share some of that with you then that's between you and her and not him as she is an adult and not a minor. It sounds like he's angry at you for the break up and using this as a way to punish you. I have come across similar situations where there'll be a family invite to a holiday and when you say you can't afford it parents step in and help out. It should be made clear at the time whether the expectation is that it is paid back. If that wasn't the case then you can only assume its a gift. Good luck, he sounds awful.

If you can afford it, I would pay it. But view it as buying peace. However, get it witness and get it in writing that you don't owe him nothing, but that you are doing this as a goodwill for your children's grandfather.

If there is nothing in writing and the loans/gifts were to you as a couple it is very unlikely he can get anything back.

in particular the wedding gift is a gift.

if you have a financial order that closes the financial relationship between you and your ex wife then this is definitely not your problem.

My ex-FIL decided a gift become a loan so I had my parents decide their gift became a loan too! In the end we agreed to each settle our debts with our own respective families. Incredibly petty. Relationship breakdowns are hard and this just makes it worse.

It seems he still upset and trying to recoup money which there are no agreements for (otherwise he would have presented them). My position remains the same I settled what I owed 50/50 on an old credit card and the outstanding amounts he should go his daughter.

Yes I agree, my parents could easily turn round and say all of the money and items they bought from the last 9 years are no longer gifts.

Sadly this is something I am unable to pay extra for, and what ever was sent to my ex was not fully passed on to him, spent on her lifestyle etc. I have my own household bills and the costs I pay for the children. He will just have to seek legal advice or let it go.

Yes I will just refute his claims and continue to keep it factual.

If I could then I would just to get him off my case but as stated before my view was these older "loans" were paid via my ex and settled and he has only now brought these claims to light.. You should see the original email about him helping with things like, putting up shelves and unblocking a drain etcetc, just very petty imo.

He will get one final reply from me and then I will not entertain further unless this is via legal.

I think this is true. ^^
Ring a solicitor, ask for 30 mins free advice time.
I know someone who years before had given his partner at the time £thousands towards buying a house for them to live together but the house was never bought and she kept the money! No record was kept.
Legal advice was that the money was a gift and he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if he legally pursued matters. He let it go.

Take advice just for your own peace of mind and totally ignore your ex FIL. Silence speaks volumes. Man up!

• Summer 2019 holiday – £61 outstanding.

The pettiness is off the scale! Definitely don't engage beyond a polite but firm reiteration that this is between him and his daughter and you owe him nothing. The fact he's reframing wedding gifts as loans undermines his already weak stance, and the fact he kept lending 'you' (actually his DD) money over the years shows this is all about the marital split, nothing to do with recouping real loans. Don't indulge the madness.

This.

Unless he can provide paperwork specifically showing these were loans directly to you, then he has no claim and is being ludicrous.

I suspect re the legal action comment, this is likely an empty threat. He has to pay a fee to to take you to court and will lose that fee if he loses the case. He's probably hoping you'll pay up rather than being serious about it.

I wont be paying anything more unless he has any written agreements or terms etc. My stance will be final and await the legal approach from him.

No nothing in writing, just his recollection and the amounts paid back via my ex wife.

Thats exactly that, it was a gift, he even confirms that along with the other amount being family support.

Yes I probably need one for other stuff regarding my ex wife.

I dont think I need to act silent, I will give one final email confirming my stance and ignore beyond that. (while seeking the legal advice)

depends how petty he will be for the sake of it. Lets see if he is bluffing.

I don't think you could have summed this up any better.

It was just summarised to the facts with most of his opinions and his views which have no weight.