Do men just give up on their children

[HollyIvy89]

Ex is re married and having baby with new partner. Unplanned. Both older than most to start again.
He has said to our child I’ll never take you to a competition again for their sport now I’m having a new child. Do men just generally just give up that easily on their ‘original’ kids? Is it that easy for them to ‘move on’ and relinquish responsibilities to do with their other children?

I had a colleague and one day asked him if he had children. He replied "Not this time". I find that unbelievable though I never met my own father so perhaps I shouldn't have been so surprised.

I can't speak for all men but even if I could I would probably be quite negative because of my perception of men growing up.

But of course you absolutely get deadbeat who don't give a damm that they created a child and are happy to move on to the next woman without a care in the world.

But you will also get those despite a relationship breakdown will do anything to show that child how much they are wanted.

Me personally moving out of the family home was one of the toughest decisions I ever made, but I was determined to show my son that nothing has changed, I still love him just as much as I did having him from Friday until Morning is always the absolute highlight of my week no other person matters as much as him.

Sadly this isn't the same as some men, I've tried to be as positive as I can 😀

My dad was never in my life but he was there for my half siblings, really great dad to them from what I seen but he married his short term girlfriend on his death bed and left her every penny and my poor siblings nothing.

My step-dad, who was in my life since I was a baby, walked away when I was 15 and took nothing to do with me. He was great with my sibling, his biological child and the other biological child he had (both now adults)... until recently when he met a new woman and has dropped both children like a hot stone 🤔.

My view on fathers is clearly tainted. My DH is amazing, great husband and father. Do I think he would continue to be great if it weren't for us all living together? No.

My own father left my mum when I was 5, I never saw him again. I did keep in touch tiĺ I was a teenager, kids don't hold grudges, but when I was 17 and working in a holiday camp, he said he would visit, I left before he came. He was just a stranger by this time. I felt nothing when he died a couple of weeks before his first grandson was born.
My husband has been a brilliant dad.

They do. And then they even give up on the new one. It’s disgusting.

Such generalisations.

some men do
others do not

some mothers make it virtually impossible for dad to remain.

some dads are better than some mothers

of course people are tainted by their own experiences including myself. But in my own divorce and that of friends and colleagues dad has remained fully active, fully present, and taken on equal responsibility

I think that it's a very rare man that can be a good dad to two or more families. Most I see seem to lose interest in their previous children when having a baby with a new partner. That's if they didn't lose interest after the split.

I’ve not seen this at all

Well you live a very sheltered life then.

My Dad did, went off with another woman, had a child with her and then did the same thing to them. I found out much later on.

2 recent divorces amongst my friendship circle. The dads now have nothing to do with the children. Literally nothing. They seemed like normal involved dads so I’m really shocked. I think this isn’t uncommon. Particularly when the man has a new family in the next relationship.

I don't think so, I know a few that have but in most cases of the separated men I know they have actually fought pretty hard to have access to their children. Men do love their kids, sometimes they give up and some are shit father but generally not. In this case, that is an awful thing to say and that is not a good father

I think this is correct. In the few cases I know of where the dad is not involved at all it has been strongly influenced by the female ex partner being either really controlling about his new relationship, living situation or making it super hard for him to see the children.

In my experience DSDs mum made it pretty hard for DH to have much contact with her once we had our second DC together . I think our family was seen as a threat . DSD and DH fortunately have a great relationship now which has been rebuilt since she left home . I don’t think she has any idea what used to go on and we haven’t enlightened her .

I don't want to be a parent of any kind and when I was online dating I made that very clear in my profile. I had many, many, many men tell me things like they were 'technically a parent' but didn't see their children so we're 'basically' childfree. Most of them had the children with 'crazy exes' and a lot of them told me they were tricked into having the children so it was fine that they now didn't pay maintenance or see them because they didn't want them anyway. Including the man with 4 children with his ex wife.

I read somewhere that they want to distance themselves from the ex partner so they distance themselves from the children too as they see the children as a reminder or extension of the ex partner. Not all obviously. The going off to have another baby with the next partner is a chance to make them feel younger I think. Very sad and in the end, they are the losers.

I'm a child of the generation where divorce was much rarer, but my childhood perception of men is that they didn't particularly want children, and that they were not very interested in their children, either. Obviously, I'm sure that some men are wonderful fathers, but in my view from childhood and from adulthood is that men really aren't bothered.

Some men? Yes. Personally, I’ve seen it many times. It’s hideous and very damaging to the children.

In my experience it often depends on the partner they end up with, and that goes for children, parents, friends and more. My stepdad was very easily swayed by my mother into more contact with his young child (she loves to be around small children and showcase how much they love her), yet as soon as that child asked to see him without her, he didn't see that child again for years. My father's wife hates that he has children from his first marriage and would actively cause drama to prevent him seeing us. He's promised a lot through the years and never delivered and honestly, even as a grandfather, you can tell he doesn't really feel like my children are his grandchildren in the way a present father adores his grandkids. My children have a very present dad but he didn't move on, and I always kept things pleasant between us.

I was feeling devastated for them last night being told they wouldn’t take them to a sport they adore again and it breaks my heart that my child is being brutally told that they will no longer have time to do this but do you know what - I shall! As usual, I’ll pull it out the bag! I’ll give twice as much love and time so that they don’t miss out. What’s sad is that my partner who has no children will also do this for them - and he will enjoy it. However, I am sure it’s the real dad they actually just want to know wants to be there too.

And yet he continued to choose the new woman over his children.

I don’t understand why it isn’t a crime. I know a woman through school who had two beautiful kids with a man who said he wanted them, said he was desperate to be a dad. He then just left one day, and now she has a tricky 2 year old and 4 year old, plus her older one. When I see her, she just seems so frazzled. And what, he gets to chuck her £20 a week? Whilst her life is constant juggling, with impaired earning potential, a mortgage and no support whatsoever. It’s basically a crime. You are completely shafting someone in terms of their health, well being, finances. And yet many of these men are the ones pushing for kids. I think it’s a kink, impregnating women and leaving.

Anecdotal, but when I was in my first year at uni - and I was elderly at 28!! - I was genuinely shocked to find out that I was an absolute outlier in that my parents were still married. Most of the 40 odd others, predominantly female, had either absent fathers or utterly useless ones.

I would say a lot do but certainly not all. I think it depends to a certain extent on the women that they move on with. If the women accept or even encourage this dumping of previous kids then the men are more then happy to do this. I almost feel like the dads are looking for confirmation that it is ok. This includes those like a previous poster said who are on the datings apps. If a guy I was dating hardly saw their kids this would be a huge red flag for me but some women don't care or actively prefer it. Then they wonder why they are left in the same position years down the line.
Ultimately though it's the father who is actively choosing to move on from their children and it's disgusting. Society needs to stop being so complicit in making this ok. It's not.

Well my dad stopped bothering with us when he had new kids with a new woman so I guess so.
Still says he loves us... But clearly no he doesn't 😂