Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Questions about fair divorce settlement for home-schooling SAHM

119 replies

Grannycurls · 15/04/2026 12:02

Good morning! My daughter is not on MN; I’ve been a member for many years but haven’t been active for a while. But I’m here again with a few questions.

My daughter and her husband are divorcing, and she has questions about money, living costs, and living arrangements.
She has two children, 5 and 8, and she is their full-time carer, and she also homeschools. She would like to continue this arrangement.
Her husband has built up a business over the past 4 years and it’s going quite well.

They are living in rental accomadation. He pays the rent in full. He’s away most of the day till their bedtime, and at home at weekends.

Her main question concerns financial assets. They have a joint account and he provides quite generously, but he also has a business account to which she has no access. How can she be assured of a fair settlement? She is not named in the business; how can the business assets be shared fairly?
They both want to avoid lawyer fees. What’s the cheapest way of going through with this? What is she entitled to? She does not expect 50-50 of whatever his business is valued at; what she would like is a house of her own for herself and the children. And of course ongoing support to continue to be at home full time for the children. The children are well adjusted; they understand that “Daddy will be leaving” and have taken it quite well.

The other concern is that she has asked him to move out, obviously so that she can continue at home with the kids with little disruption. He says she has to put this in writing. Is this advisable? What could be a secondary motive for this request?

I look forward to your opinions; thanks for any input. If you have questions, ask away.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 12:08

Are the children disabled / have send statements ?

the answers to your questions will depend on what assets there are, how much husband earns and business is worth and whether she can work ( but wants not to)

on the face of it it’s completely unreasonable to expect a house, no bills, and continuing to be funded …. But there may be assets to do so

and he should not move out until they’ve reached agreement

millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 12:10

Oh and the business will need to be declared and valued and once this is known in the pot for assets available for division. As part of divorce full financial disclosure is expected

has the process started !

Original poster
Grannycurls · 15/04/2026 12:40

millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 12:08

Are the children disabled / have send statements ?

the answers to your questions will depend on what assets there are, how much husband earns and business is worth and whether she can work ( but wants not to)

on the face of it it’s completely unreasonable to expect a house, no bills, and continuing to be funded …. But there may be assets to do so

and he should not move out until they’ve reached agreement

She will work once they (parents) are both comfortable with the schooling available. They are not disabled. What are send statements?
They both agree that having mum at home and not working outside the home and homeschooling is the best for them at this stage. That will probably change when they are older.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grannycurls · 15/04/2026 12:42

millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 12:10

Oh and the business will need to be declared and valued and once this is known in the pot for assets available for division. As part of divorce full financial disclosure is expected

has the process started !

Not started yet! Just gathering information at this stage.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 12:42

Well of ex agrees that one thing
if he doesn’t it’s highly unlikely a court would agree to retain the arrangements via a financial settlement

send - statement of educational needs

do they have lots of assets and is he a very high earner ?

titchy · 15/04/2026 12:47

Bet he suddenly thinks they should be at school and her earning… if there isn’t a lot of money then he might have a point.

VeraWang · 15/04/2026 12:49

titchy · 15/04/2026 12:47

Bet he suddenly thinks they should be at school and her earning… if there isn’t a lot of money then he might have a point.

Agreed.

Having to fund two separate homes/lives is going to get very expensive.

Meadowfinch · 15/04/2026 12:50

All assets included her dh's shares in his business, any pensions etc will have to be valued.

Courts prefer full and final settlements so they will start at 50:50 for assets and child care, then adapt that to factor in home schooling, ability to earn etc.

The court will want to ensure that each parent has a home in which they can have the dcs. Both homes can be rented. Expecting a house to be purchased for her is unreasonable unless there are a lot of assets.

Then your dd will be expected to work/claim benefits unless her dh is prepared to fund her fully while she home schools. To be honest, if she has any sense, she will return to her career as soon as possible, because every day she is out of work makes it harder for her to return. It would also make her wholly dependent on her ex, which he may tolerate in the short term, but when he meets someone new, that could change.

Original poster
Grannycurls · 15/04/2026 12:54

What about the second question, about asking him to leave in writing?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 12:55

Well any half decent laywer will advise him not to leave the house

Octavia64 · 15/04/2026 12:56

So it is possible for them to agree a settlement and then get a solicitor or a service such as amicable.io to put it into legal words and liase with the judge.

however suppprting two households is very very expensive and on the whole judges prefer a clean break where assets are split and one party is not paying money to the other adult (money to suppprt the children is different).

in many cases as the husband moves on and frequently starts a new family his willingness to fund the first family tends to wither away.

if they want to do it without court she’ll need to get full financial disclosure on the business.

Upsetbetty · 15/04/2026 12:57

millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 12:55

Well any half decent laywer will advise him not to leave the house

But they are renting so it’s no difference surely

Octavia64 · 15/04/2026 12:57

Grannycurls · 15/04/2026 12:54

What about the second question, about asking him to leave in writing?

Doesn’t make any difference to anything.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 15/04/2026 12:59

If I was her mother I would be very concerned and be paying an initial lawyer visit for her.

Child maintenance will not be enough unless he’s a multi millionaire- even then- to have two houses and pay her to stay home.

AnnaQuayRules · 15/04/2026 13:03

Can her DH really afford to run two households? I agree, she needs to protect her earning power in case he decides not to continue to fund her

pastaandpesto · 15/04/2026 13:03

I wonder if the written letter is something to do with having evidence that he hasn't voluntarily made himself homeless, which might be relevant if, say, he was planning on applying for council housing.

I think your DD is going to be in a very perilous situation unfortunately.

millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 13:05

@Octavia64 agree it’s slightly different than if owned but presumably there is joint tenancy, a contract, etc and op seems to think he’ll just continue to payfor everything and move out then cover all his costs elsewhere

he shouldn’t do so until they’ve reached agreement on finances

millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 13:07

Well if he wants council accommodation that would imply zero assets then op daughter is way off on her expectations!

I expect he wants it as evidence for some reason - perhaps op can explain

PoppinjayPolly · 15/04/2026 13:12

pastaandpesto · 15/04/2026 13:03

I wonder if the written letter is something to do with having evidence that he hasn't voluntarily made himself homeless, which might be relevant if, say, he was planning on applying for council housing.

I think your DD is going to be in a very perilous situation unfortunately.

She’s not in a perilous situation, she’s in the same situation many divorcing parents are, easily solved by getting a job!

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 15/04/2026 13:17

Her expectations don't sound realistic to me, unless your daughter and her husband are a)very wealthy (unlikely given that they're renting but possible I suppose) and b)he is fully on board with the home schooling, which he might be less enthusiastic about if he has to fund it.

In your dd's shoes, I would be updating my CV and starting to look for work.

ETA If they are wealthy enough to make her expectations remotely reasonable, then she can afford a decent divorce lawyer. If the cost of a lawyer is prohibitive, then realistically, her husband isn't likely to be in a position to fund her personal lifestyle choices and she will need to find a job.

Original poster
Grannycurls · 15/04/2026 16:11

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 15/04/2026 12:59

If I was her mother I would be very concerned and be paying an initial lawyer visit for her.

Child maintenance will not be enough unless he’s a multi millionaire- even then- to have two houses and pay her to stay home.

Oh, I fully support her decisions to dedicate these years to homeschooling and a wholesome home life — it’s how I raised her. I do think the timing for a divorce might be somewhat unfortunate. We are a rather oddball family...

Thanks to all the responses. I think I should explain that her home is extremely rural, so “going out to get a job” doesn’t really come into it. Her speciality is in the creative field and when the time comes, she’ll probably be working from home, not looking for a job. And the rents here are accordingly relatively cheap, not city prices.

Again, thanks.

OP posts:
HelenHywater · 15/04/2026 16:18

She really needs to involve a lawyer - it would be crazy not to when she is the non earning partner (of course her H (with his secret account) doesn't want to involve solicitors!).

My friend who was home schooling did agree with her ex that he would pay her spousal maintenance on top of child maintenance, but he was very high earning and also not very clued-up I think.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 15/04/2026 16:20

Grannycurls · 15/04/2026 16:11

Oh, I fully support her decisions to dedicate these years to homeschooling and a wholesome home life — it’s how I raised her. I do think the timing for a divorce might be somewhat unfortunate. We are a rather oddball family...

Thanks to all the responses. I think I should explain that her home is extremely rural, so “going out to get a job” doesn’t really come into it. Her speciality is in the creative field and when the time comes, she’ll probably be working from home, not looking for a job. And the rents here are accordingly relatively cheap, not city prices.

Again, thanks.

Show quote history

Well, whatever, OP. The point is, she will almost certainly need to support herself post-divorce, whether that is by going out to get a job or working from home.

Unless of course your support for her lifestyle choices might extend to financially supporting them.

Seeingadistance · 15/04/2026 16:24

It would be sensible for both of them to have a written record of significant aspects of what they are discussing. And being asked basically to make oneself homeless is significant.

They both need to seek legal advice - they would be foolish not to.

RoniaCheetah · 15/04/2026 16:51

HelenHywater · 15/04/2026 16:18

She really needs to involve a lawyer - it would be crazy not to when she is the non earning partner (of course her H (with his secret account) doesn't want to involve solicitors!).

My friend who was home schooling did agree with her ex that he would pay her spousal maintenance on top of child maintenance, but he was very high earning and also not very clued-up I think.

It's not a 'secret account ' in all probability. It's the business accounts. Depending on the ownership structure of the business it's probably not really appropriate or necessary for her to see them or have access to them. My DH had a business for years but I never saw those accounts! I knew how healthy the business was, broadly, and what money was coming into the family from it in terms of salary and dividends but the business money isn't family money per se.