Questions about fair divorce settlement for home-schooling SAHM

[Grannycurls]

Good morning! My daughter is not on MN; I’ve been a member for many years but haven’t been active for a while. But I’m here again with a few questions.

My daughter and her husband are divorcing, and she has questions about money, living costs, and living arrangements.
She has two children, 5 and 8, and she is their full-time carer, and she also homeschools. She would like to continue this arrangement.
Her husband has built up a business over the past 4 years and it’s going quite well.

They are living in rental accomadation. He pays the rent in full. He’s away most of the day till their bedtime, and at home at weekends.

Her main question concerns financial assets. They have a joint account and he provides quite generously, but he also has a business account to which she has no access. How can she be assured of a fair settlement? She is not named in the business; how can the business assets be shared fairly?
They both want to avoid lawyer fees. What’s the cheapest way of going through with this? What is she entitled to? She does not expect 50-50 of whatever his business is valued at; what she would like is a house of her own for herself and the children. And of course ongoing support to continue to be at home full time for the children. The children are well adjusted; they understand that “Daddy will be leaving” and have taken it quite well.

The other concern is that she has asked him to move out, obviously so that she can continue at home with the kids with little disruption. He says she has to put this in writing. Is this advisable? What could be a secondary motive for this request?

I look forward to your opinions; thanks for any input. If you have questions, ask away.

Prepare for the worst, that's my advice. Men tend to behave appallingly when they divorce, so plan for that (if the guy ends up acting decent, that's a bonus) Your daughter has to inform herself about the "career sacrifice" she's doing. These years home schooling will fuck up her earning potential and she should be compensated for that.

Women also tend to act appallingly in divorce , often with completely unrealistic expectations

works both ways
and it’s not unexpected that both parties will try to get as high a share as possible

To be honest, I don’t think he’d even have to behave appallingly to say that he can’t fund two homes and her not working at all for potentially years.

Looks like she's going to have to join the real world sooner or later.

She may well have to send the kids to school and get a job regardless, or live a very frugal life on benefits.

To be honest - choosing to home school and not work is almost certainly a luxury your dd cannot afford. I think she’s living in cloud cuckoo land and needs to ground herself pdq.

And I suspect she’ll need a legal advisor to sort out the split of assets.

Usually there will be a “fair split of assets” which includes your DD’s pension fund and her DH’s, if any. The business will need to be valued, that’s a professional exercise, then let’s assume your dd is going to get 50% of the assets then usually you’d try to settle her 50% from whatever other assets there are (cash, cars, pensions, sale of house if any) in order to avoid selling or refinancing the business. A court might agree that if there aren’t enough other assets then your dd could get a % of future profits of the business as an income stream.

It sounds very unlikely on the face of it that your dd will get a big chunk of cash and I doubt she’ll be able to buy a house. In reality - what has she done to deserve that, when her ex won’t be able to afford a house either?

Going forward she is an independent financial person, she’s expected to fund her own life. If her ex has the kids 50% of the time she won’t even get maintenance.

She does need a lawyer, if she wants a house bought for her and to remain not working for what sounds like forever. What man would agree to that, what does he live on for all those years? Unless he's immensely rich.
As for not being able to go out and get a job due to her remote location, come off it! Can she not drive, how do they get supplies in or access medical care? Or why not look for a work from home job?

I think she is living in cloud cuckoo land if she thinks they will get divorced and he will be paying for her housing, bills and for her to stay at home teaching the kids as well as paying for him to have his own house! He might have thought that HE was a good idea when they were married, but I would imagine when solicitors get involved, he will change his mind.

If I was her, I would enrol the kids in school and start looking for full time work. He isn’t going to pay for two households and if he’s entitled to any benefits, she will be expected to work and put the kids in school.

The most helpful thing you can do as a mum is to pay for a solicitor for her ad this arrangement is going to need one.

And if her dh is paying the rent - are they both named in the tenancy agreement?
I suspect he wants her request in writing so he can forward it to the letting agent and ask for the rent contract to be switched to your DD’s name only as he has been asked to move out of the property and she is remaining.

I wonder if he’s then thinking if he moves out, he’ll stop paying the rent since she’ll be the one having the benefit of living there.

He’ll need to rent his own home so paying for his ex to live in his home whilst she doesn’t work to earn a living and while he’s been made homeless, doesn’t really feel fair.

Also, when the tenancy is up, she can rent somewhere else less rural.

Then get a job to pay her bills even if it's not a 'creative' one.

I would be very concerned. No landlord will rent to someone without a job. And the general requirements are a salary of 30 x monthly rent. Housing should be her main concern. It is highly unlikely her DH will continue paying her rent and if he comes off the tenancy she's in trouble.

Well, you can be an ‘oddball’ if your husband is paying to support the household.

If your daughter splits up with him, she becomes just like anyone else needing to pay her bills.

Luckily they are renting, so she can rent somewhere less rural where she can get a job. She’ll have to put the kids in school so she can pay her own bills. I think when he does his finances and works out what she is expecting him to fork out for, he will refuse and she will be horribly disappointed.

Dont assume the business is up for grabs as well. If he started it before the marriage and she had no involvement and no marital funds were invested into it that could prove tricky.

First of all, if there are potential assets that are large enough to support two households in the long term, both of them would be daft not to get a lawyer involved.

Second, I think it is unlikely (unless they are incredibly wealthy) that she will be able to continue to be a relatively affluent SAHM once the divorce is finalised. Even if in the first place he can afford to continue to support her for now (as well as his new separate life) what happens when he meets someone else and they are uncomfortable with this arrangement? What happens if he goes onto have more children with someone else?

The whole point of divorce is that it dissolves their responsibilities to one another -- she will need to find a way of supporting herself. If she wants to continue to be supported by him, I am unclear why she is divorcing him.

Your daughter and her children are in a very risky position. They are highly dependent on her husbands income, goodwill and the business.

I assume his name is on the tenancy and if he moves out that may end the tenancy. The landlord might have views on the situation and rights. Given the imminent changes to renters rights and the fact your daughter has no income the landlord may take this as an opportunity to get rid of the family.

The business may only hold value as a going concern. Which has implications for what she can get if she does end up owning part of it. Is it a company? If so, accounts will be filled.

The other issue is that as a business owner he is probably tax efficient to say the least. It may be hard to establish an income that will provide child support never mind spousal support.

If he pays the rent the child support might be low. He might only pay half the rent. Has she looked into what benefits she is entitled to.

your daughter needs to be more in control of the financial side of her life. She is an adult mother not a child.

Being SAHM and home schooling may no longer be financially viable

He pays the rent in full

Yes, that’s fair enough if they are married. He’s not going to do that if they split up.

They both want to avoid lawyer fees.

I think that would be impossible.

what she would like is a house of her own for herself and the children. And of course ongoing support to continue to be at home full time for the children.

Then she needs to work full time to pay for all of these wants.

as a bloke he will have very little chance of securing a council/ HA property

Absolutely agree - not a hope. I just wondered if it could be what he's thinking.

Maybe the letter is to show to the LL to get removed from the tenancy?

That’s a really good point
but also if he is successful in getting removed from the tenancy agreement and your daughter wants to stay in the house and rent it herself
the landlord / agent will do another credit check on the daughter and she may not pass it due to the fact that she has no earnings / job

No landlord / agent is going to remove the husband and just let the wife carry on renting it and hope that the husband will pay the rent

it would be a whole new tenancy agreement for the wife as the sole tenant of the property

Are you in the UK? As that will make a difference.

it’s generally expected that each adult is financially independent after divorce. Women rarely get spousal support. Especially if he isn’t high income and supporting her will mean he can’t afford to live.

homeschooling out of choice rather than need is a luxury many can’t afford.

if she’s renting rurally my suggestion would be to identify an area with good school and jobs, and move there. She will need to work and the kids will have to go to school.

Well, if she didn't do the job of raising the kids, he wouldn't have a successful business, so the first thing is to share the business with her. Second thing, compensate her for the career sacrifice she's already made. Then, only then, discuss if he agrees with the homeschooling agreement. Would he prefer to have the kids 50/50? How would he work in the business then? All the childcare she does is what makes his business possible.

This.

Im hearing a big check list of wants re: the expectations of your DD with very little understanding that she cannot expect her ex to fund her indefinitely.

She desperately needs legal advice asap.

lol at her going out to get a job doesn’t come into it 😂😂😂
she won’t have any choice unless your going to bankroll her OP

what she wants and what she is going to get are going to be two very very different things

if they split and she somehow manages to keep the tenancy she is going to have to work to support herself no way around this

her husband isn’t going to pay rent on a house he doesn’t own or live in anymore
and he will be under no obligation to either

if they have the kids 50 -50
then child support is generally not given as your sharing the care equally in theory

being a stay at home mum and home schooling is a luxury - one that as a single mother she won’t be able to afford

if she has to claim universal credit to help support herself and pay the rent she will be expected to get a job depending on the kids ages

universal credit are absolutely ruthless with regards to this

living rural won’t make any difference with regards to job hunting if she gets UC

How does she expect to pay living expenses if getting a job doesn’t come into it? Yes she might get some money from the divorce and get child maintenance each month but then what?