Husband wants me to move out while he stays in marital home

[MarmadukeM]

Husband has just suggested that I move out of the marital home and in with one of my friends while he stays in the 4 bed property just him and our teen son until he decides to sell.
I am entitled to 50% of the equity which should be approx £80,000 which I need to be able to buy my own place.
he thinks his suggestion is perfectly reasonable and that he will infact be doing me a favour as he will continue paying the mortgage by himself till he decides to sell (c ok kid be 6 months time or so)
i am flabbergasted quite honestly, it seems crazy to me and he sure wouldn’t want it the other way round. He said ‘well I can afford to keep it on my wages but you can’t on yours’
and I was like ‘I think this is unfair and stopping me being to move on’ I really
am a bit livid. He hasn’t told his mum of his grand plans so I’m hoping she will tell him to wise up 😖

You need to see a solicitor. Don't move out till you get advice. Can you afford the mortgage.

This is ridiculous of him, now he's just being petty. You definitely need to make a complaint on that. Stay strong guapa

No. You'll be making yourself homeless intentionally and you will be in a weaker position for numerous things.

The house needs putting on the market immediately or he needs to buy you out immediately.

Do not compromise on this.

@MarmadukeM do you think you should stay and he move out? Or both stay till sold?

This! 100%. Stay put.

Why’s he delaying putting it on the market?

You can force a sale if he’s dragging his heels, speak to a solicitor.

Can he afford to buy out your share of the house now (so you can get your own place) and keep paying the mortgage - including any increased mortgage from buying you out? If he can, then this may be worth considering as it’s less disruptive for your son.

If he can’t buy you out and he’s suggesting you wait for your share of the house value till later, he can go whistle.

Are you currently paying half the mortgage @MarmadukeM ?

Seek legal advice before you do anything but leaving the marital home will weaken your position.

Well he can ‘want’ what ever he likes but you can just say no! I wouldn’t humour this.

I can’t afford the mortgage in my own as it’s nearly £1000 a month. And I would want to sell the house and each get our own places asap to get in with our lives.
there is literally no logic to him hanging on to the house as ultimately it still has to be sold.
i wanted to stay living under same roof and put it up for sale.
he says it’s best for our 16 year old if he can remain in the family home but I don’t think it’s great for him to see his mam who does all the ‘mam’ stuff not living with him anymore. I’m livid!

Don’t let yourself get wound up. Just reply that it sounds like you’ll both need to get solicitors involved to reach a fair settlement if that’s what he’s suggesting as the way forward. Tell him if he wants to stay in the house that’s fine, but he’ll need to buy you out. And tell him you won’t be moving out until you reach a proper solution.

We have joint account and joint mortgage - I earn £2100 and he earns £3400 and it goes into the one account

Is he going to apply for a mesher order?

This

Please do not move out. Seek advice from a Solicitor as quick as you can. You will find they will advise you NOT to move out. Once you do, it makes things 10 times more difficult. Especially as your son will be staying in the home. It makes it look like you have been happy to move out and leave him. Don't give your DH anything he can use against you.

If you can't live together amicably for a while, then you need to sell up or he buys you out so you can both then move on.

Yes, do this. No point getting worked up. It doesn't matter what he says, he's just expressing a preference which you can decline. Get legal advice with the aim to get the property sold as soon as possible.

He has no reason to delay selling apart from it’s what he would like to do. At first I thought he was suggesting he was keeping the house and buying me out but no!
the only issue I might have is I can’t afford to have to pay 50% of that mortgage plus the bills in the meanwhile and he may try to get me to do that and I will have barely enough to get by if that happens.

Wonder if he’s been on mn where advice would be don’t move out, get a mesher order…

No don’t move out

He can't make you pay if you don't have the money.

He most likely won't sell if you move out until your DC is an independent adult.

Do not do this. Insist on a sale ASAP. And stay put until it happens

It would be the forced leaving of your son rather than the forced leaving of the house that would devastate me (although obviously the future financial security is tied in with the house.) Fight tooth and nail; go nowhere. This is not fair.

There was a thread a while ago where it was the wife telling the husband to leave, pretty much the same thing as op as typed.
And MN was all on her side told her to kick him to the curb and take him for all he`s got.
Even though he was paying for the house, and she couldnt afford to pay anything.
Funny world online.

@MarmadukeM

Have you filed for divorce yet? If no - please do ASAP.

Reality of the situation - what he (or you) want at this point is irrelevant, unless you two can agree. For example - if he does not want to sell the house now, you can't force him. And you'll have to have the financial agreement approved by court to kick start the sale.

On the other hand - he can NOT force you to move out, as this is your house too. He can't demand any more off you towards the mortgage. Or, rather - he CAN ask and you CAN refuse. There is nothing he can do to force you to contribute more than you are contributing willingly.

What you need to do ASAP - is to make a separate bank account for yourself and make sure your wages go there. And set up a transfer to the joint account with the amount you think is a contribution you can afford.

In general - I'd send him an email stating your position. Saying something like this....
Dear H, as we are divorcing, here is my proposal for how our finances are organised going forward until we reach a financial settlement.
My preference would be to sell the house now and split proceeds 50/50. But as you prefer to wait for the sake of stability of our child - we will have to continue living in the house as separated parents. Our mortgage + bills budget is £XXX. Splitting it proportionately to our income means I would be transferring £YY to the joint account monthly..... In regards to the domestic chores - I trust that you'll be doing your own cleaning/washing/cooking. While I'll do mine and our child's, (or whatever you think makes sense)

He is not going to like your proposal. But - the only thing he can do about is is to scream and shout, and threaten you. There is literally NOTHING else he can do - so don't let him bully you into anything you don't want to do.
It will be unpleasant for a while. You'll need to get emotionally numb to get through this and not let it break you. Just ignore whatever he throws at you - divorce brings out the worst out of people.

Luckily - you have enough rooms in your house for each of you to have your own space. And - it can be done. Many people have to live together while divorcing. You pull yourself together, get through it and life re-starts

Well it’s a suggestion. And one that many women expect of their husbands. You’ll see loads of threads from women who expect their husbands to move out, keep paying everything oh and now they need to do so and pay cms all while sofa surfing or paying rent elsewhere. Most women on here would demand the op kicks her dh out of his own home .

its a suggestion thats all. One of likely many that either one of you will put forward over the coming months. You simply say that’s not happening, and make an alternative

the best way to move forward is start the ball rolling with your divorce and financial settlement and as part of that agree what happens with the house. ( and any other asset) He’s right to not put it on the market until you’ve reached agreement on financials.

talking between you can keep costs down

so if neither of you move out ( many couples have to share she separating) you need to agree what that means - both in terms of who pays what, more importantly how you’ll minimise the impact and emotional stress to your 16 year old who is caught up in this

If you earn 2100 a month and half the mortgage is 500, why can’t you afford to pay this?

I don't think it's as bonkers as you're suggesting. I think a lot of women (myself included) would expect their husband to move out to temporary accommodation whilst the house was sold for the benefit of the children. Could you swap in and out of the house whilst it is sold to allow your child stability but your husband still access to the home?

Also I'm not sure why you can't afford half the mortgage on your current salary. Half the mortgage is about £500 which still leaves you over £1500 for living expenses and bills. I also don't understand why you would suddenly be expected to pay half before you have formally divorced and before you have sold the house? My assumption would be that your contributions stay broadly the same until you have sold the house and both moved out.