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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband wants me to move out while he stays in marital home

74 replies

MarmadukeM · 14/04/2026 21:43

Husband has just suggested that I move out of the marital home and in with one of my friends while he stays in the 4 bed property just him and our teen son until he decides to sell.
I am entitled to 50% of the equity which should be approx £80,000 which I need to be able to buy my own place.
he thinks his suggestion is perfectly reasonable and that he will infact be doing me a favour as he will continue paying the mortgage by himself till he decides to sell (c ok kid be 6 months time or so)
i am flabbergasted quite honestly, it seems crazy to me and he sure wouldn’t want it the other way round. He said ‘well I can afford to keep it on my wages but you can’t on yours’
and I was like ‘I think this is unfair and stopping me being to move on’ I really
am a bit livid. He hasn’t told his mum of his grand plans so I’m hoping she will tell him to wise up 😖

OP posts:
LizandDerekGoals · 15/04/2026 08:16

Treess · 15/04/2026 00:58

There was a thread a while ago where it was the wife telling the husband to leave, pretty much the same thing as op as typed.
And MN was all on her side told her to kick him to the curb and take him for all he`s got.
Even though he was paying for the house, and she couldnt afford to pay anything.
Funny world online.

Show quote history

Yes mumsnet is where mums and, more often than not, their children are protected by other mums. Generally because they earn less and would suffer more.

Original poster
MarmadukeM · 15/04/2026 08:19

I could afford the £500 but is more all the other bills like extortionate council tax etc. we have always just lumped all the money together and shared whatever was left. Yes I don’t want to leave the 16 year old, of course I don’t, I think I can make cohabiting work and it’s my preference. One other financial worry i have is that I’ve been ready unwell recently and in hospital as we speak with major bipolar depression episode so I may go on half pay if I can’t get back to work in next months or so and then £500 will leave me £600 for everything else which is not feasible.
Dont know how it all came to this 🙁

OP posts:
CleverOpalBalonz · 15/04/2026 09:06

Do not move out. Seek legal advice. Especially since you are unwell in hospital, you are vulnerable right now. If you move out the incentive to sell soon is gone for him.

Do you normally work full time? You have similar finances to what we did, I went back full time to increase my wage. Separated finances as soon as split as there was financial control and I managed to pay half of all bills despite earning less and 2 teens, you cut your cloth.

equity wasn’t split 50:50 as he could afford a higher mortgage so I got more equity, this was suggested early on by my solicitor and then later in mediation.

Perfect28 · 15/04/2026 09:13

You do have enough to pay half OP and you're just going to have to manage, surely you're going to need to be able to pay for those things (for another property) even after you move out?

It's these kind of reasons that put people off breaking up.

OttersOnAPlane · 15/04/2026 09:17

I can see the sense in not putting the house up for sale for a couple of months to minimise disruption while your son does his GCSEs.

But after that? Hell no. Get it listed.

Original poster
MarmadukeM · 15/04/2026 09:27

Perfect28 · 15/04/2026 09:13

You do have enough to pay half OP and you're just going to have to manage, surely you're going to need to be able to pay for those things (for another property) even after you move out?

It's these kind of reasons that put people off breaking up.

If I get another house I’d get one for about £110,000 which is a third of the price of our current home so my mortgage would be significantly less than £500 x

OP posts:
Perfect28 · 15/04/2026 09:58

2 bed house for £110,000... Where are you living OP? Good luck is all I'll say. You can't expect to still be financially supported by someone you aren't in a relationship with any more.

SwimBikeRunBake · 15/04/2026 10:04

If you are wanting to cohabit in the same house then it is only fair that you contribute 50/50 towards mortgage and all household bills, as well as all costs for your son.

Did his suggestion that you move out arise because you said you dont want to or can't afford to pay 50/50?

WallaceinAnderland · 15/04/2026 10:06

There was a thread a while ago where it was the wife telling the husband to leave, pretty much the same thing as op as typed.
And MN was all on her side told her to kick him to the curb and take him for all he`s got.
Even though he was paying for the house, and she couldnt afford to pay anything.
Funny world online.

People give advice to whoever posts. If it was the other way around, I would suggest that OP ask him to leave but she could not make him. Likewise, she could ask him to pay half the mortgage but she could not make him.

Velvian · 15/04/2026 10:08

Do not leave the house @MarmadukeM .

Kalimeras · 15/04/2026 10:11

Perfect28 · 15/04/2026 09:58

2 bed house for £110,000... Where are you living OP? Good luck is all I'll say. You can't expect to still be financially supported by someone you aren't in a relationship with any more.

Why are you being so combative?

CoralOP · 15/04/2026 10:32

Perfect28 · 15/04/2026 09:58

2 bed house for £110,000... Where are you living OP? Good luck is all I'll say. You can't expect to still be financially supported by someone you aren't in a relationship with any more.

£110 for a 2 bedroom in the northeast (where I live) is quite a lot. I've just has my nicely decorated 2 bed new build style valued at 95-100k.

Original poster
MarmadukeM · 15/04/2026 10:32

SwimBikeRunBake · 15/04/2026 10:04

If you are wanting to cohabit in the same house then it is only fair that you contribute 50/50 towards mortgage and all household bills, as well as all costs for your son.

Did his suggestion that you move out arise because you said you dont want to or can't afford to pay 50/50?

No, just came out of nowhere really, that’s why I was taken aback.

OP posts:
Original poster
MarmadukeM · 15/04/2026 10:33

Perfect28 · 15/04/2026 09:58

2 bed house for £110,000... Where are you living OP? Good luck is all I'll say. You can't expect to still be financially supported by someone you aren't in a relationship with any more.

North east, houses are cheap here. I do feel you aren’t being very nice - I don’t expect to be supported by him, I expect that i should be able to free up my share of the equity in our jointly owned property and then buy my own place and be completely financially independent. What it boils down to is he wants to hold onto an expensive house and not free up my share and also expect me to live in someone’s spare room for months away from our child. That is what I am finding hard to accept. I am not an entitled person, I like to think I’m reasonable and fair and none of this seems reasonable or fair to me 🙁

OP posts:
Terfedout · 15/04/2026 10:47

You are reasonable in not wanting to move out. He is unreasonable for expecting you to do so and for expecting to sell it in his own time.

However you are unreasonable to expect him to fund you. You will need to pay your half of the mortgage and bills in the meantime.

eewwdavid · 15/04/2026 10:58

I am sort of in your husband's position...he has moved out and is paying half the mortgage plus cheap rent on a 1bdm flat. The house is meant to be getting sold as soon as we have a separation agreement in place, but I have a similar age dc and am worried about the upheaval for them.
I have read on here that mersher orders are rarely granted any more.
Ideally I'd love to stay here for DC sake but I cant afford the mortgage alone and I don't expect him to contribute for much longer.

mn5962 · 15/04/2026 11:30

@MarmadukeM The only advise i would ever give to someone, man or woman, in your position is go and speak to a solicitor and dont rely on the opinions of strangers online, especially those on MN where the bias is usually always towards the woman.

Ultimately dont do anything before speaking to a solicitor and if you are going to get divorced then start the process off. There are certain things in law that can be put in place to the resident parent to secure property but this should be agreed with legal advise and it goes both ways, contrary to MN opinion. If your DH is going to be resident parent and your DS wants to reside with him then this will be taken into account.

Go and see a solicitor as a matter of urgency.

millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 11:47

Op you’re not being unreasonable in not wanting to move out. Nor in wanting the house sold. Realistically it would be min 6 months even if it went in market today

likely emotions are running high at the moment so you may be reacting to his suggestion on that rather than simply acknowledging it’s just a suggestion

ultimately you need to work through financial
separation and come up with a short term interim position( who lives where and pays what for how long) and then a post Split View - what do you need to happen to live independently post divorce. There will be multiple suggestions and proposals during this time. Treat each one as a business proposal on whether or not it works for you and what your counter offer would be

Original poster
MarmadukeM · 15/04/2026 12:26

millymollymoomoo · 15/04/2026 11:47

Op you’re not being unreasonable in not wanting to move out. Nor in wanting the house sold. Realistically it would be min 6 months even if it went in market today

likely emotions are running high at the moment so you may be reacting to his suggestion on that rather than simply acknowledging it’s just a suggestion

ultimately you need to work through financial
separation and come up with a short term interim position( who lives where and pays what for how long) and then a post Split View - what do you need to happen to live independently post divorce. There will be multiple suggestions and proposals during this time. Treat each one as a business proposal on whether or not it works for you and what your counter offer would be

Thanks xx

OP posts:
April2018 · 15/04/2026 13:24

MarmadukeM · 15/04/2026 12:26

Thanks xx

Show quote history

Have you added your details into universal credit calculator. If your son is still in full time education you could be entitled to UC. You can own a home and work.
You can also apply while separating if you separate your finances now. And claim child benefit if you arnt already.

You'll need to do this at some stage so you will know your mortage affordability if needed.

Bubblebathbefore8 · 15/04/2026 13:31

In your shoes I would have separate rooms, make your room lovely and a safe space and put house on the market. Dont move out

lady725516 · 15/04/2026 14:09

I would also be speaking to CAB to see if you entitled to any benefits to help you.
im sure you will be.
good luck OP, get a solicitor, get the house on the market and don’t move out!

brunetteorblonde · 15/04/2026 16:39

Don't move out, my dp did that and his ex stalled the divorce, his main leverage was gone, it took years for divorce and house sale to eventually happen as his ex was quite happy staying in the home.

Original poster
MarmadukeM · 15/04/2026 17:34

Thanks for all the advice. I will stay put and offer to pay a proportion of the mortgage and bills till we sell based on my income. I’m not going to be a twat and I don’t expect him to sub me x

OP posts:
Perfect28 · 15/04/2026 17:39

Paying a proportion related to your income is him subbing you OP