Financial settlement - how to deal with ex?

[itiscoffeetime]

I’m currently in the middle of a financial settlement and things are starting to get quite heated. As the discussions seem to be moving in a direction he doesn’t like, my ex has become more reactive. He’s been sending messages telling me to be careful with spending, not to spend on certain things, and saying things like he’s “not working just to be rinsed.”

The situation is made more difficult because although he now has a girlfriend, we are still living in the same property, which is becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

I’m trying not to engage emotionally or escalate things, especially as we both have solicitors handling the settlement. However, he keeps trying to discuss finances directly with me, and those conversations tend to go nowhere—he simply insists I’m not entitled to certain things or that I don’t deserve them, despite advice suggesting otherwise.

Would it be reasonable at this point to set a boundary and direct him to speak to his solicitor instead of discussing financial matters with me? I feel like productive conversations between us are no longer possible.

Be careful putting a cms claim in if he’s paying mortgage and some bills via this ‘allowance’ as it could be if he had a cms claim to pay he stops reduces that. Your need to do the maths to work out if he did which would provide the most £

I’m in the middle of getting divorced. Surely you fill in the financials and judge will say if fair

married for 20yr and young kids then you would be entitled to 50% pension and savings

you need to split Childcare costs if going back to work fulltime

house will be sold and if kids with you mainly then you may get more 60/40

I would absolutely refuse to discuss with him directly and let the solicitors do their jobs. If it’s going to court then it’s for the judge to decide what’s fair and reasonable, it’s not up to either of you at this point.

My now DH had to have these boundaries with his ex as she was constantly messaging him about the settlement and asking for more. He just had to keep saying “speak to your solicitor” and “it’s not up to me, it’s up to the judge”.

I think that’s probably the best way to deal with it for my own sanity. Did your husband’s ex understand in the end?

Yes she did, and she was happy with the settlement in the end which was a 70/30 split in her favour - despite children being 50% with us the judge took my earnings, savings and pension into account as we were already living together in a house I own. Things between them massively improved since the finances were sorted, and they are now able to communicate and co-parent very well and with no conflict. I wish you all the best for a good outcome!

That’s very encouraging, and I hope it will be the same for me as well—fingers crossed. My solicitor also mentioned that it could be up to a maximum of 70%, as the court is unlikely to award more than that. I think I would be okay with 70% if that’s the outcome.

If you have an asset / savings over 16k you can’t claim UC

between 6-16k it’s a sliding scale

so house is an asset and you might not be able to claim

But t’s always worth putting in a claim declaring the house and see what they come back with

A house isn’t cash. Or no one with a mortgage would be able to claim uc

A house that you live in or that your partner lives in with children after you have separated does not count as an asset for universal credit purposes and regardless of how much it’s worth it doesn’t count towards the 16k asset limit.