How do I manage the practicalities of having abusive DH removed from the house?

[LavenderFieldds]

Be gentle with me, please. For various reasons he has to be the one to leave. It won’t be pretty and will almost certainly involve police. I will need to make sure the children are out of the way. He has never been physically abusive but I wouldn’t put it past him in that situation. I’ll be speaking to Women’s Aid for the first time this afternoon and seeing a solicitor next week. House is not owned by either of us, he has no financial claim on it. I’m a strong professional woman in the rest of my life so can manage the practicalities, but not him. And yes, I’m frightened of him.

Well the only way to make him leave is to make a statement to the police and have him arrested. If not, you can't force him to leave, you can ask, you can plead but he doesnt need to leave.

I’d like more of an idea of the process before I go ahead. Once I’ve started I can’t stop it. And I don’t know what they do about stopping him coming straight home again.

Is there a tenancy? Is his name on it? I agree with PP you probably need to speak to police.

You’ll have to wait for him to become abusive. Then call the police and they will remove him. However without a restraining order/non molestation order he can just come back.
Normally they will say he can’t return for 24 hours, sometimes longer. But they can’t prevent him returning forever if it’s his home

Tell the police that you're afraid of him.
Has he not hit you in the past?
Can't you leave yourself?

You get police to remove his keys. It sounds like you might need a non molestation order with a power of arrest attached.

Speak to women’s aid and the solicitor about whether they think you have a case for an occupation order. The aim is to keep the abusive partner out of the house for a period of time and are usually got alongside a non molestation order. They can be difficult to get as courts don’t like making people homeless but worth exploring

This is what I was thinking.

No, he hasn’t hit me yet. I’d rather not get to that stage. And no, for various outing reasons to do with property ownership, he has to be the one to leave.

I would consult a family law solicitor to explore the possibility of applying for an occupation order which, if successfully granted, could temporarily remove him from the property and give you some breathing space to make decisions.

This is my worry, he’d be homeless. No tenancy, his name isn’t on anything. Without giving too much detail, the house is owned by a family trust on my side, neither of us has a personal interest in it.

Thank you.

Right, I understand.
You need advice both from Women's Aid and the police.
It would also help if you consulted a solicitor.

Luckily, the police are getting a lot better at understanding domestic abuse (where there isn't physical violence).

How can it be outing? We all live somewhere.

Is he named on the house in any way?

The thing is, as awful as it sounds, it would be easier to sort this out if he'd got a history of violence towards you.

Be that as it may I can feel the fear you clearly have of him.

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

I left my violent first husband many years ago, taking my two children with me. The court ordered him to vacate our rented (HA) house. The children and I moved back in.

He slept in his car until he found a room somewhere. Not my problem - he'd had weeks to sort something out.

I made a terrible mistake, and let him back in to collect some of his stuff. He subjected me to a serious sexual assault.

Harden your heart @LavenderFieldds
Once he's out, don't let him back in. He'll be dangerous.

If he doesn’t own the house, there’s no tenancy agreement can the family member not simply tell him he can no longer stay ?

and give a date to leave

If there’s no tenancy you need to explore what legal rights you and he have at all. How would the trust have gotten rid of you if needed? Can the same mechanism be used to force him out.
eg: could the trust legally simply change the locks and make you homeless?

If it was that simple he’d be gone by now. I’ve asked him to leave several times and it’s become obvious he has no intention of leaving voluntarily and will require removing.

I think this is where it may end up. I have someone on standby to change the locks if necessary.

Change the locks and don’t give him a key

I think you’re overthinking

I think you’re under thinking.

Is there somewhere you could move temporarily, just for a few months? Then let the process play out of him being evicted from the tenancy on the home.

The smartest thing my mother did when she finally left my father was to just move out while he was at work one day. It’s much safer to just walk out and let the legal process handle things.

In guessing the house comes with your job ?
If that is the case , can your work help in any way ?

Well yes he can come back but if he has no right to be there then you can call the police because he is trying to break into your home and is refusing to leave.

In fact I would probably start with this. Call 101. Ask for them to advise you about getting DH out of your home. You may need to get the actual home owner included in the call.

Possibly worth checking the particulars with a lawyer to ensure he has no right to be there. Depending on where you are he may be protected legally as a presumed tenant (even if nothing signed ) has he paid anything for rent or improving the house since living there?

He's abusive and she's afraid of him.
She has children to consider.
It isn't as simple as just changing the locks.