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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How do I manage the practicalities of having abusive DH removed from the house?

55 replies

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 11:59

Be gentle with me, please. For various reasons he has to be the one to leave. It won’t be pretty and will almost certainly involve police. I will need to make sure the children are out of the way. He has never been physically abusive but I wouldn’t put it past him in that situation. I’ll be speaking to Women’s Aid for the first time this afternoon and seeing a solicitor next week. House is not owned by either of us, he has no financial claim on it. I’m a strong professional woman in the rest of my life so can manage the practicalities, but not him. And yes, I’m frightened of him.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 05/04/2026 15:58

iM not dismissing op nor under thinking

but recourse to remove him are for situations where he is legally entitled to the property - through ownership or tenancy

here that is not the case
so locks can be changed

so send the children to friends /relatives
get locks changed
call police if he threatens violence

op can then apply for non molestation or restraining order if needed or call the police if he turns up

what will you do once he’s gone and has access to the children ?

FateAmenableToChange · 05/04/2026 16:01

You need legal help do this properly, a non molestation / occupation order. Non-physical abuse is legally recognised in the UK it's called coercive control and has been a criminal offence since 2015, but you need to evidence it:

Text messages, emails, voicemails, WhatsApp, anything where his controlling or threatening behaviour is in writing. Take screenshots and store somewhere he can't access.

A dated, diairy documenting incidents. "Tuesday 3rd, he blocked the doorway and told me if I called my sister he would take the children." If its specific and dated, its admissible evidence.

Witnesses so friends, family, neighbours who have observed or heard his behaviour or you confided in at the time counts.

If you have spoken to a doctor or counsellor about stress, anxiety, fear at home, those records exist and can be used, speak to your GP now if you havent 't already.

Police call logs even if they attend and nothing is formal happens, the call is logged. Calling 101 to report fear and incidents matter as it creates an official paper trail.

You are documenting a pattern and that is the evidence. One incident might look minor, but 30 documented incidents over six months tells a different story. Coercive control cases are built on pattern, not single events.

Women's Aid can sometimes help expedite emergency legal orders. And ask the solicitor if the trust ownership could help with the occupation order case (since he has zero claim on the property).

CombatBarbie · 05/04/2026 16:14

So if he has no legal right to be there, no tenancy agreement etc then just change the locks and leave his possessions outside. Any issues call the police, if you dont report him for DV you need to be able to provide evidence he has no legal right to be there.

Or get an occupation order.......

alexdgr8 · 05/04/2026 16:33

But if you are legally married and that is the marital home I don't think you can just put him out without a court order ?
You cannot just treat him like a lodger.
The ownership of the property is less important than the fact you are a married couple with equal rights of access to the marital home.
As far as I understand it.
So you need urgent legal advice.
Get everything done properly.
All the best.

Wigeon · 05/04/2026 16:35

It does sound like an occupation order and potentially a non-molestation order are a possible option, definitely ask the solicitor about both:

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation

I've supported a friend to successfully apply for both (without any legal help), happy to answer any questions about the process.

Get an injunction if you've been the victim of domestic abuse

Apply for an injunction if you've been a victim of domestic abuse - non-molestation or occupation orders - who can apply, serving documents and attending a hearing.

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation

Wigeon · 05/04/2026 16:37

My friend was married too, and the occupation order was granted without the court needing to kno where the husband would go to live. So essentially he was made homeless and had to sort out new accommodation himself.

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 16:41

Thank you, this is all very helpful and exactly what I wanted to be clear on before I make a move.

OP posts:
LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 16:42

Realistically I probably have 8 years of documented verbal abuse, it’s always been brushed off as mental health but the records are there. I’ve also recorded him ranting at me (for over an hour) and telling me he wants to punch me in the face. Is that admissible, or not as it was not recorded with his consent?

OP posts:
RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 16:45

Helpwithdivorce · 05/04/2026 13:07

You’ll have to wait for him to become abusive. Then call the police and they will remove him. However without a restraining order/non molestation order he can just come back.
Normally they will say he can’t return for 24 hours, sometimes longer. But they can’t prevent him returning forever if it’s his home

Where did you get 24 hours from? Bail conditions usually last 28 days before review which should be long enough to apply for a non molestation order and occupation order.

RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 16:47

Cerialkiller · 05/04/2026 15:40

Well yes he can come back but if he has no right to be there then you can call the police because he is trying to break into your home and is refusing to leave.

In fact I would probably start with this. Call 101. Ask for them to advise you about getting DH out of your home. You may need to get the actual home owner included in the call.

Possibly worth checking the particulars with a lawyer to ensure he has no right to be there. Depending on where you are he may be protected legally as a presumed tenant (even if nothing signed ) has he paid anything for rent or improving the house since living there?

It's not that simple. He lives there. Whether it's a traditional tenancy agreement or an unorthodox one it's still legally his home until he's evicted. He's married to OP and they are legally entitled to reside in the property because that right has been granted to them by the trust.

RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 16:48

millymollymoomoo · 05/04/2026 15:58

iM not dismissing op nor under thinking

but recourse to remove him are for situations where he is legally entitled to the property - through ownership or tenancy

here that is not the case
so locks can be changed

so send the children to friends /relatives
get locks changed
call police if he threatens violence

op can then apply for non molestation or restraining order if needed or call the police if he turns up

what will you do once he’s gone and has access to the children ?

But he does have a legal right to occupy the property, just as OP does.

RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 16:49

CombatBarbie · 05/04/2026 16:14

So if he has no legal right to be there, no tenancy agreement etc then just change the locks and leave his possessions outside. Any issues call the police, if you dont report him for DV you need to be able to provide evidence he has no legal right to be there.

Or get an occupation order.......

He does have a legal right to live there.

Also threshold for an occupation order is very high. I don't think OP would meet it at this stage.

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 16:55

@RoseField1 what is the threshold for an occupation order?

So if the trust decides to evict him that would be standard eviction procedure?

OP posts:
Wigeon · 05/04/2026 16:56

@RoseField1 I don't think anyone on this thread can assess whether OP's situation has met the threshold for an occupation order, because none of us know the full extent of her experiences and what decision the court would make. Which is why this is a good thing to ask the solicitor about.

It's also totally wrong to say that because he has (might have?) a legal right to live there he can't be removed via an occupation order. That's the point of an occupation order!

OP, it might also help to look at the form you would need to fill in - you don't actually have to detail every single bit of evidence:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/650471e3fc63f60014957372/FL401T_0721.pdf

I have PM'd you with some more info about my experience supporting my friend. Also to mention that you can apply for a "without notice" occupation order, if you think that the person will be a threat if they are given notice they have to leave - my friend and I did get her occupation order done "without notice", which was a big relief to her.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/650471e3fc63f60014957372/FL401T_0721.pdf

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 17:01

Wigeon · 05/04/2026 16:56

@RoseField1 I don't think anyone on this thread can assess whether OP's situation has met the threshold for an occupation order, because none of us know the full extent of her experiences and what decision the court would make. Which is why this is a good thing to ask the solicitor about.

It's also totally wrong to say that because he has (might have?) a legal right to live there he can't be removed via an occupation order. That's the point of an occupation order!

OP, it might also help to look at the form you would need to fill in - you don't actually have to detail every single bit of evidence:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/650471e3fc63f60014957372/FL401T_0721.pdf

I have PM'd you with some more info about my experience supporting my friend. Also to mention that you can apply for a "without notice" occupation order, if you think that the person will be a threat if they are given notice they have to leave - my friend and I did get her occupation order done "without notice", which was a big relief to her.

@Wigeon that’s really helpful and reassuring, thank you. I will go and read your PM.

OP posts:
Wigeon · 05/04/2026 17:01

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 16:55

@RoseField1 what is the threshold for an occupation order?

So if the trust decides to evict him that would be standard eviction procedure?

There isn't a single threshold test for granting an occupation order - there are a variety of factors. Assume you are in England, here is what the law says the court must consider:

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_joint_homeowners/occupation_orders_under_family_law_act_1996_for_cohabiting_joint_owners#criteria-the-court-must-consider

How old are your children? I think that is likely to be relevant too (probably helpful in terms of your case for getting him to leave).

Shelter icon

Occupation orders under Family Law Act 1996 for cohabiting joint owners - Shelter England

Resolving occupation disputes by applying to courts for an occupation order to enforce, declare or restrict rights to occupy the home.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_joint_homeowners/occupation_orders_under_family_law_act_1996_for_cohabiting_joint_owners#criteria-the-court-must-consider

Wigeon · 05/04/2026 17:03

I'd definitely also ask the solicitor about the specific and unusual circumstances of your house occupancy (with the family trust owning it) - I have no idea what, if any, relevance that might have on the occupation order option.

RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 17:04

Wigeon · 05/04/2026 16:56

@RoseField1 I don't think anyone on this thread can assess whether OP's situation has met the threshold for an occupation order, because none of us know the full extent of her experiences and what decision the court would make. Which is why this is a good thing to ask the solicitor about.

It's also totally wrong to say that because he has (might have?) a legal right to live there he can't be removed via an occupation order. That's the point of an occupation order!

OP, it might also help to look at the form you would need to fill in - you don't actually have to detail every single bit of evidence:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/650471e3fc63f60014957372/FL401T_0721.pdf

I have PM'd you with some more info about my experience supporting my friend. Also to mention that you can apply for a "without notice" occupation order, if you think that the person will be a threat if they are given notice they have to leave - my friend and I did get her occupation order done "without notice", which was a big relief to her.

I didn't say he couldn't be removed via an occupation order :/ I said he has a right to live there in response to people stating he has no right to live there because it's a non traditional tenancy agreement so OP can just change the locks.

RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 17:06

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 16:55

@RoseField1 what is the threshold for an occupation order?

So if the trust decides to evict him that would be standard eviction procedure?

The threshold is 'significant harm'
https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_joint_homeowners/occupation_orders_under_family_law_act_1996_for_cohabiting_joint_owners#criteria-the-court-must-consider
unfortunately I have known quite a few women be unsuccessful in obtaining an occupation order but you must get legal advice as we don't know what evidence you have.

If the trust wanted to evict him they would have to go to court in the usual way.

Shelter icon

Occupation orders under Family Law Act 1996 for cohabiting joint owners - Shelter England

Resolving occupation disputes by applying to courts for an occupation order to enforce, declare or restrict rights to occupy the home.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_joint_homeowners/occupation_orders_under_family_law_act_1996_for_cohabiting_joint_owners#criteria-the-court-must-consider

Wigeon · 05/04/2026 17:06

@RoseField1 , apologies, I misunderstood your posts. Although with the family trust owning the property it doesn't seem very clear whether he dies actually have a legal right to live there?

RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 17:24

Wigeon · 05/04/2026 17:06

@RoseField1 , apologies, I misunderstood your posts. Although with the family trust owning the property it doesn't seem very clear whether he dies actually have a legal right to live there?

If she has a legal right to live there then he also does. There must be some kind of agreement in writing and even if not, it's still probably a de facto tenancy agreement.

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 17:47

RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 17:24

If she has a legal right to live there then he also does. There must be some kind of agreement in writing and even if not, it's still probably a de facto tenancy agreement.

Nothing in writing and also not a de facto tenancy. We pay bills but no rent and he’s done absolutely minimal upkeep to the building. A member of my family also lives in another part of the house.

OP posts:
Helpwithdivorce · 05/04/2026 18:15

RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 16:45

Where did you get 24 hours from? Bail conditions usually last 28 days before review which should be long enough to apply for a non molestation order and occupation order.

Not necessarily. It depends if he’s actually arrested for anything or just removed. A domestic with no evidence of physical harm and he’d be allowed back 24 hours later.

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 18:17

Difficult to provide too much detail without being outing, but I provide care to the other member of my family in lieu of rent. DH has nothing to do with this other than very occasionally having the children if I need to take my relative somewhere - once or twice a year.

OP posts:
RoseField1 · 05/04/2026 18:19

LavenderFieldds · 05/04/2026 17:47

Nothing in writing and also not a de facto tenancy. We pay bills but no rent and he’s done absolutely minimal upkeep to the building. A member of my family also lives in another part of the house.

Ah that does change things if you don't have exclusive possession of the property. Thats more like a licence agreement. Has the trust served him notice to vacate?

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