Did anyone leave their partner because they just wanted to be ‘alone’?

[Beyondbroken]

Just wanting to know if this is a common thing?
My marriage of 10 years with my husband was a really happy one. There were no signs he wasn’t happy.
He suddenly changed in every way. Became secretive and cold.
He ended our marriage last month after having a solo trip away.
How likely is it he genuinely wants to be alone? He makes out I’m crazy for thinking he would cheat/have an affair. To the point where happy me has turned into an anxious mess needing therapy! But he’s been doing alot of things totally out of character.
I’m still so confused and it’s really messed me up 😢
Anyone have any personal experience?

Yu will never get the truth from him. Even when he is seem by someone with OW , he will claim that he just met her after you and he split up.

Honestly , for your own sanity you need to put his possible / probably cheating to the side for a few weeks at least and start getting the paperwork together for the divorce. Once you start looking through documents and bank statements etc you will probably find evidence .

Yu need to ask around for a shit hot divorce lawyer near you and make an appointment to go and see them. Get the paperwork / facts and figures together first, so they can give you better advice.

Have you claimed for council tax as a single adults and put all the bills etc in your name ? Moved half of all your joint savings into an account in your own name in another bank ?

Cheating men don’t want to be seen as the bad guy - they’re more comfortable with exploding your whole worldview, while taking as little responsibility as possible.

You have reasonable suspicions, and it will all come out in the wash eventually.

I understand that you want to know exactly who / when / what right now, but it can be free-ing to get past that. Who cares, they’re clearly a dickhead anyway.

Good luck OP.

I know two men in real life who left and there genuinely was no one else. So it can and dioes happen though I appreciate that might be uncommon. Of course on here the answered will be skewed because people aren’t usually on this site if their marriages or relationships are solid.

it does sound like you had drifted apart - starting with lack of sex, then general intimacy so he probably wants happy as you thought, perhaps he now just realises he wants more than coexistence.

perhaps he’s lying and it’s an affair. Perhaps it’s not. In some ways it doesn’t matter. You need to decide what to do and concentrate on your own life going forward and taking charge of that, use therapy to help you.

Stop talking to him, block him if you can. Confide in someone who is supportive and let your family know that you will not discuss ExH with them.

I wonder how BIL will feel when he finds out about the OW. I took DH's brother at his word when he left his wife, his mental health seemed really bad and we supported him. Some months later the OW emerged and I felt pretty let down and duped myself.

Don’t get into conversations where he can continue to lie to you, don’t get into conversations where he can continue to gaslight you. Move on with your head held high.

When my ex was having an affair he pulled away.

He started fights. Called me names. Was home late every night. One time I was waiting for him to come home. I had cooked dinner. He walked through the door (it was during the work week and I had cooked dinner), looked at me and said ”I’m going to bed now - good night”- I asked ”what about dinner?”he said “I’m not hungry”.

People, he was 6.3”. He was always hungry.

Then the script happened - the crying - the saying “I’m not happy”.

He was seeing a woman from work. He wasn’t hungry because he was spending every single evening with her and eating dinner. These losers would grab dinner each night and eat it together in the office.

He is a single dad to two kids. Lives in a shitty outer suburb. Last I saw he was still driving the same car he bought in 2007.

My advice to you is to disengage. Find someone else. Don’t chase him. Don’t waste your time. He’s a loser.

People don't always have a reason. And certainly not a reason that you can do anything about.

However
>> We’ve had the best marriage apart from a lack of intimacy over the last few years. I didn’t initiate it as I had suspected endometriosis and it was painful and he stopped initiating it and then it just wasn’t questioned. But we were happy. <<

Might have been more of your perspective than his.

I agree with all that.

You could spend every day for the rest of your life trying to work out what has actually gone on here, and you wouldn't ever get the full story.

Action is your friend here, make an appointment with a solicitor and begin divorce proceedings. Limbo isn't good for anyone, you don't have a hope of thriving and moving on until you cut him loose. Rip off the plaster and let him go and do what he wants.

For what it's worth I think most men don't jump unless they've got a soft landing prepared, and the most straight faced "there's nobody else" mysteriously have someone come out of the woodwork six months later.

No matter. Focus on what you want now and how you want things to look for you going forward. Head towards what feels warm. Small steps. Ring a solicitor is the first one.

Sorry to hear that your husband is being suspicious. My cousin’s husband did this and her parents hired a PI because they didn’t believe his sudden need for space. The PI followed him and his affair partner for a week and presented the evidence to my cousin and her parents. They have since divorced. She is happily married to someone decent now.

It will definitely be one of those where he will suddenly make out he doesn’t want to be alone and another woman will be on the scene and he’ll make out nothing happened whilst we were together. He hates looking the bad guy.
But you’re right, I need to stop with the wondering as it’s not doing me any good

Yeh it does make we wonder. But he could have communicated with me. He’s not usually lost for words.

This. I’m so sorry, First post nails it.