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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Did anyone leave their partner because they just wanted to be ‘alone’?

63 replies

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 19:29

Just wanting to know if this is a common thing?
My marriage of 10 years with my husband was a really happy one. There were no signs he wasn’t happy.
He suddenly changed in every way. Became secretive and cold.
He ended our marriage last month after having a solo trip away.
How likely is it he genuinely wants to be alone? He makes out I’m crazy for thinking he would cheat/have an affair. To the point where happy me has turned into an anxious mess needing therapy! But he’s been doing alot of things totally out of character.
I’m still so confused and it’s really messed me up 😢
Anyone have any personal experience?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:42

3luckystars · 15/02/2026 20:39

Seriously. This is like a checklist.

He is 100% having an affair and is gaslighting you and you are correct tha he is having an affair.

Don’t expect the truth from the same mouth that has lied to you.

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Thanks. It’s so hard to read that people are believing the same but it also makes me feel like my suspicions are valid and I’m not going crazy.

OP posts:
Riverflow6 · 15/02/2026 20:47

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:32

OK thank you. So it does happen.
I try to make myself believe that with my husband but the things he’s done doesn’t add up. He changed his entire wardrobe to designer stuff, lost a load of weight, bought replica Rolex’s, has become obsessed with going to the gym to bulk up, has nights out til gone 4am. My paranoia started becoming a lot to the point where I don’t recognise myself! I noticed condoms were missing when he was on his solo trip. This really shook me up. He avoided the question when I kept asking him. Then told me he gave them to his friend. My friends have said that 40 year old men don’t do that and he’s using his friend as a cover up. I really feel stupid as he’s tried to fob me off 😢 He’s destroyed my confidence entirely

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Oh gosh very similar!

so my husband got a Rolex, a spray tan, teeth whitening kit, lost weight, went to the gym, new clothes

StartingOverInMy40s · 15/02/2026 20:47

I left my husband of 20 years because I was no longer in love with him. I was probably a bit cold as I was pulling away and he oils probably have said I was secretive just because I no longer shared anything about me or my life as I just didn’t care enough anymore to want to share.

I know I could have handled it better but there was no-one else involved.

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:48

Randomuser2026 · 15/02/2026 20:39

Yup- he wasn’t alone. Although it was a few months before I found out for certain.

I had no intention of demeaning myself by searching, which meant he got progressively sloppier. The information landed in my lap, and I utterly retained the high ground.
Don’t engage in a conversation where you are going to get lied to. Take action without his input into your decision.

Does it make any difference whether he cheats, if he’s already treating you like shit. You have proof of that

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What I’m really upset about is he’s convinced my brother in law (sisters husband) that he’s not doing anything wrong and has become really friendly with him. So although the rest of my family can see what he’s doing, my brother in law doesn’t believe it. It does sound really petty but I’ve just wanted to prove it not only for myself but for anyone else he’s going to gaslight into thinking he’s a saint.
My husband also tells me things which he then later denies and I’m struggling a lot with that as it makes me doubt myself. I miss the old me. I’ve cried every day since October and hate that the man that I gave my all to has done this to me

OP posts:
3luckystars · 15/02/2026 20:50

You do that to prove anything to anyone, it’s not a court of law. YOU Know!

Is your brother in law living in your house and in your body? No he is not.

YOU KNOW.

3luckystars · 15/02/2026 20:51

Who cares about your brother in law anyway? He could be cheating too.

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:56

3luckystars · 15/02/2026 20:51

Who cares about your brother in law anyway? He could be cheating too.

You just don’t know. It’s just caused a lot of tension in the family.
I feel totally helpless. I know I’ve got to focus on myself now but I dread the long road ahead 😔

OP posts:
WellErrrr · 15/02/2026 20:58

When my H was acting like this I was convinced he was having an affair. He so strenuously denied it and made me feel like I was crazy.

Even when I had the messages and I KNEW for sure, he still said ‘oh not this again, you’ve got a problem’ etc etc. Then I calmly passed him my phone with the screenshots on and he just drained of colour.

I found the gaslighting the harder thing to forgive. And I never have if I’m honest.

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 21:02

WellErrrr · 15/02/2026 20:58

When my H was acting like this I was convinced he was having an affair. He so strenuously denied it and made me feel like I was crazy.

Even when I had the messages and I KNEW for sure, he still said ‘oh not this again, you’ve got a problem’ etc etc. Then I calmly passed him my phone with the screenshots on and he just drained of colour.

I found the gaslighting the harder thing to forgive. And I never have if I’m honest.

It’s horrible. I have felt absolutely helpless.
I’ve questioned him on a few things and he’s got an answer for everything 😔
It is just cruel when they’re not honest. They don’t want to look the bad guy but instead make you question your sanity.
Are you still with your husband?

OP posts:
strange25 · 15/02/2026 21:03

Midlife crisis?

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 21:05

strange25 · 15/02/2026 21:03

Midlife crisis?

I calmly asked him this a couple of weeks ago and he flipped out at me saying they don’t even exist.

OP posts:
strange25 · 15/02/2026 21:07

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 21:05

I calmly asked him this a couple of weeks ago and he flipped out at me saying they don’t even exist.

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I went through something similar to what you’ve said with my husband, by all means feel free to message me.

WellErrrr · 15/02/2026 21:12

Honestly I think you need to stop finding answers from him. He’s not going to give you any and you need to come through this with your dignity intact.
He’ll wheel out his mistress once a suitable amount of time has elapsed as his ‘new partner’ most likely. You’re not crazy.
And it’s not your fault 💐

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 21:24

strange25 · 15/02/2026 21:07

I went through something similar to what you’ve said with my husband, by all means feel free to message me.

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Thanks 🙏 Messaged you

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Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 21:28

WellErrrr · 15/02/2026 21:12

Honestly I think you need to stop finding answers from him. He’s not going to give you any and you need to come through this with your dignity intact.
He’ll wheel out his mistress once a suitable amount of time has elapsed as his ‘new partner’ most likely. You’re not crazy.
And it’s not your fault 💐

I know you’re right and I have to drop that urge!
I just hope I can get through this and be me again. Some of the stories I read about people never moving on scares me.

OP posts:
ReprogramNeeded · 15/02/2026 21:29

WellErrrr · 15/02/2026 21:12

Honestly I think you need to stop finding answers from him. He’s not going to give you any and you need to come through this with your dignity intact.
He’ll wheel out his mistress once a suitable amount of time has elapsed as his ‘new partner’ most likely. You’re not crazy.
And it’s not your fault 💐

Agree with this. You might never get the truth. You need to decide what you think is happening, and act on that. Don't wait for him to tell you what to do next.

Jadzya · 15/02/2026 21:58

You are not going crazy OP. Stay strong. Find your anger!

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 22:00

Jadzya · 15/02/2026 21:58

You are not going crazy OP. Stay strong. Find your anger!

That is exactly what my therapist said. Not an aggressive anger but an inside anger which will make me feel stronger. That’s what I’m really struggling with at the moment and the sadness has taken over

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LoveSandbanks · 15/02/2026 22:03

My own brother left his wife last year. I bit my tongue hard so I did ask "what's her name?" but it was another woman!

It's always another woman. women want to be on their own but men can't handle it.

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 22:04

LoveSandbanks · 15/02/2026 22:03

My own brother left his wife last year. I bit my tongue hard so I did ask "what's her name?" but it was another woman!

It's always another woman. women want to be on their own but men can't handle it.

It sounds far too common 😩

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 15/02/2026 22:09

Sounds just like my now-ex. I thought he was having a mid life crisis at first. Turned so nasty I still can’t get some of the stuff he said out of my head. Of course he was having an affair. I’m so sorry op, it’s brutal. Get tough for now, find your anger, and a lawyer. Make sure you get what you are entitled to. I’m a few years down the road now and life is so much better, yours will be too.

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 22:11

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/02/2026 22:09

Sounds just like my now-ex. I thought he was having a mid life crisis at first. Turned so nasty I still can’t get some of the stuff he said out of my head. Of course he was having an affair. I’m so sorry op, it’s brutal. Get tough for now, find your anger, and a lawyer. Make sure you get what you are entitled to. I’m a few years down the road now and life is so much better, yours will be too.

That’s reassuring, thank you 🙏 Right now everything sets me off and I’m finding it all so daunting.

OP posts:
Jadzya · 15/02/2026 22:22

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 22:00

That is exactly what my therapist said. Not an aggressive anger but an inside anger which will make me feel stronger. That’s what I’m really struggling with at the moment and the sadness has taken over

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Poor you 😟 He is a cold hearted bastard to do this to you.

Original poster
Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 22:27

Jadzya · 15/02/2026 22:22

Poor you 😟 He is a cold hearted bastard to do this to you.

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They always say the really charming, generous people pleasers are the ones you sometimes have to be wary of. I just didn’t see it coming though 😩

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 15/02/2026 22:28

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 22:11

That’s reassuring, thank you 🙏 Right now everything sets me off and I’m finding it all so daunting.

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It’s natural to feel daunted for sure. I still remember how utterly shell shocked I was when I realised I was not the problem he said I was, and he was in fact cheating on me (we were married 25 years and been through a lot together, I stuck with him through some serious shit!) Being honest it’s taken a few years to come through things, I was a bit of a mess in the early days (I didn’t think for a minute he would cheat - mug that I was). It’s now been about 7 years though and I can defo vouch for things being so much better after you get through this shit. It’s not of your choosing, and you damn well deserve to be happy. I am (I am even in a relationship again now), and you can be too.