Did anyone leave their partner because they just wanted to be ‘alone’?

Goonyoucanaskme · 15/02/2026 19:32

I think that secretive and cold goes more with a affair than just falling out of live. Sorry.

Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:01

Goonyoucanaskme · 15/02/2026 19:32

I think that secretive and cold goes more with a affair than just falling out of live. Sorry.

That’s what I keep thinking but he’s made me think it’s all in my head for months and has even had my family believe him. They’re now angry about how he’s treated me but I’m so upset that he’s made out I’m crazy.
It really hasn’t all been in my head. The fun, loving guy I married has turned into someone I don’t recognise.
He tells me I need to stop crying and move on with my life. Where are his emotions? Anyone would think I’m a monster but I honestly haven’t done anything wrong 😢
I know he’s gone now but accepting it is hard as it’s filled me with so much confusion and hurt

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Riverflow6 · 15/02/2026 20:03

Completely sounds like an affair. I should know, it happened to me. Personality change, cold and distant. Didn’t want to be around me. Solo work trips which were later obviously very much not!

cheater

LittleCrumblyBiscuit · 15/02/2026 20:03

It will all come out soon, brace yourself. It sounds textbook to me, what a selfish man.

Thatpastalife · 15/02/2026 20:04

Secretive and cold. He was having an affair 1000% no doubt. Gas lighting bastard.

3luckystars · 15/02/2026 20:06

He is having an affair.

Of every single marriage I have ever seen end, it’s two reasons, abuse or affair. Nobody just decides to be on their own one day. (In my limited experience.

He was also likely on holiday with her too.

I hope you are ok x

Summerhillsquare · 15/02/2026 20:13

Yes, exH. Was always a workaholic but became obsessed. Doing a PhD though which is a known cause of personality transplant!

FatCatPyjamas · 15/02/2026 20:16

I think women are more likely to end a LTR for that reason than men. I've read numerous times that surveys show that men usually only leave when someone else is already lined up.

The change in behaviour sounds like his head has been turned.

Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:18

3luckystars · 15/02/2026 20:06

He is having an affair.

Of every single marriage I have ever seen end, it’s two reasons, abuse or affair. Nobody just decides to be on their own one day. (In my limited experience.

He was also likely on holiday with her too.

I hope you are ok x

I’m really not OK to be honest. We’ve been together 17 years, almost half my life. We’ve had the best marriage apart from a lack of intimacy over the last few years. I didn’t initiate it as I had suspected endometriosis and it was painful and he stopped initiating it and then it just wasn’t questioned. But we were happy. Still very cuddly and enjoyed each others company every day.
Back in October he told me he thought we should spend more time apart doing separate hobbies. He wanted a bit more independence. He also flagged up our intimacy dry spell. I naively saw it as a positive he had flagged those issues up and thought we could easily make change. This is when he became a bit distant and secretive. We did have sex three times in a week the week following on from the chat but then the shiftiness became more obvious. I raised it but he kept telling me it was all in my head. I honestly think I was used for sex to practice on and it had been a while. He just got more and more cold, distant and made me feel like I was disgusting. He called all the shots. I’m seeing a therapist weekly but this has really messed me up. He doesn’t understand my upset and shows no emotion.

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Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:19

Riverflow6 · 15/02/2026 20:03

Completely sounds like an affair. I should know, it happened to me. Personality change, cold and distant. Didn’t want to be around me. Solo work trips which were later obviously very much not!

cheater

Edited

I’m so sorry this happened to you 😔 Can I DM you?

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Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:21

FatCatPyjamas · 15/02/2026 20:16

I think women are more likely to end a LTR for that reason than men. I've read numerous times that surveys show that men usually only leave when someone else is already lined up.

The change in behaviour sounds like his head has been turned.

It hurts how he’s made me out to be the crazy one 😢

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Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:23

Summerhillsquare · 15/02/2026 20:13

Yes, exH. Was always a workaholic but became obsessed. Doing a PhD though which is a known cause of personality transplant!

OK so he genuinely wanted to be alone?
i just replay every strange behaviour that doesn’t add up though and I can’t get it out my head. It’s the shutting me down when I even question if he’s having an affair which is hard as to me it feels so obvious but he makes me feel very small and weak for thinking it

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tirednessbecomesme · 15/02/2026 20:24

Funnily enough my ex husband - who id been with 17 years married for 10 up and left almost overnight with no warning because he wanted to be alone. We had 3 very young children and he basically didn’t want family life anymore and wanted to be alone and single. I genuinely don’t believe he had an affair - just because some of the thing he said about leaving were so specific he’d have looked less of an arsehole if had had cheated and even now we are divorced he has always maintained he was faithful

I think life with me and the children had become boring and yes intimacy was thin on the ground - we had baby twins and so yes the thought of him being footloose fancy free with zero obligations to anyone at home looked a better prospect even if he didn’t have someone already lined up

Summerhillsquare · 15/02/2026 20:25

Alone to work more yes, I was just surplus to requirements. He'd got difficult to eat meals with, went to bed later than me suddenly, and so on.

Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:27

LittleCrumblyBiscuit · 15/02/2026 20:03

It will all come out soon, brace yourself. It sounds textbook to me, what a selfish man.

I feel like I’m on edge every day.
I have moments where I feel OK if I’m distracted but I have a constant fear now I’m going to keep getting hurt.
I keep thinking I’m going to pick myself up a bit to then find out that what I’ve been thinking all along isn’t crazy and I was infact right. That’s surely going to affect me no matter how strong I try to be? 😞
I wouldn’t be so upset if we had our problems but we didn’t so I feel like I’ve lost not only my husband, but my best friend

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Hopefulsalmon · 15/02/2026 20:28

I very much doubt it was a solo trip. Generally, men don't junp ship unless they have snother one to go to.

Riverflow6 · 15/02/2026 20:29

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:19

I’m so sorry this happened to you 😔 Can I DM you?

Show quote history

Yes feel free to message me. I spent 6 months thinking I was absolutely loopy. I kept trying to make it all make sense. I found out about the affair and said nothing and sat on it for a bit.

but honestly I felt like I was losing my actual mind. Have you read The Script? It’s so common the way men all see to act when they cheat, it’s a thing!!!

Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:32

tirednessbecomesme · 15/02/2026 20:24

Funnily enough my ex husband - who id been with 17 years married for 10 up and left almost overnight with no warning because he wanted to be alone. We had 3 very young children and he basically didn’t want family life anymore and wanted to be alone and single. I genuinely don’t believe he had an affair - just because some of the thing he said about leaving were so specific he’d have looked less of an arsehole if had had cheated and even now we are divorced he has always maintained he was faithful

I think life with me and the children had become boring and yes intimacy was thin on the ground - we had baby twins and so yes the thought of him being footloose fancy free with zero obligations to anyone at home looked a better prospect even if he didn’t have someone already lined up

OK thank you. So it does happen.
I try to make myself believe that with my husband but the things he’s done doesn’t add up. He changed his entire wardrobe to designer stuff, lost a load of weight, bought replica Rolex’s, has become obsessed with going to the gym to bulk up, has nights out til gone 4am. My paranoia started becoming a lot to the point where I don’t recognise myself! I noticed condoms were missing when he was on his solo trip. This really shook me up. He avoided the question when I kept asking him. Then told me he gave them to his friend. My friends have said that 40 year old men don’t do that and he’s using his friend as a cover up. I really feel stupid as he’s tried to fob me off 😢 He’s destroyed my confidence entirely

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Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:33

Thatpastalife · 15/02/2026 20:04

Secretive and cold. He was having an affair 1000% no doubt. Gas lighting bastard.

I honestly think he is. Just didn’t want to sound like the crazy woman for thinking it but I do believe now he’s been gaslighting me. He’s made me not want to be here I’ve felt that low

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WorkCleanRepeat · 15/02/2026 20:35

He's a cheat and a liar. Get a solicitor and make sure you take everything you are entitled to in the divorce.

That was no solo trip!

Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:35

Riverflow6 · 15/02/2026 20:29

Yes feel free to message me. I spent 6 months thinking I was absolutely loopy. I kept trying to make it all make sense. I found out about the affair and said nothing and sat on it for a bit.

but honestly I felt like I was losing my actual mind. Have you read The Script? It’s so common the way men all see to act when they cheat, it’s a thing!!!

Show quote history

Thanks, I’ll message you 🙂. I’ve been feeling like I’m losing my mind. The fact he got my family to believe he hasn’t been doing anything has made me feel unbelievably lonely

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Original poster

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:36

WorkCleanRepeat · 15/02/2026 20:35

He's a cheat and a liar. Get a solicitor and make sure you take everything you are entitled to in the divorce.

That was no solo trip!

That’s my next step. I honestly don’t feel strong enough for all this but I know I have to. I honestly never thought he could be the man he’s turned into 😞

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tirednessbecomesme · 15/02/2026 20:38

Hmm the solo trips, late nights and missing condoms don’t sound great OP…..

my ex did develop a gym obsession and changed his look and wardrobe but he definitely didn’t have the opportunity to cheat time wise

TBH from what you’ve said if it walks like a duck sounds like a duck then it does very much sound like he has cheated or at least attempted to

3luckystars · 15/02/2026 20:39

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 20:32

OK thank you. So it does happen.
I try to make myself believe that with my husband but the things he’s done doesn’t add up. He changed his entire wardrobe to designer stuff, lost a load of weight, bought replica Rolex’s, has become obsessed with going to the gym to bulk up, has nights out til gone 4am. My paranoia started becoming a lot to the point where I don’t recognise myself! I noticed condoms were missing when he was on his solo trip. This really shook me up. He avoided the question when I kept asking him. Then told me he gave them to his friend. My friends have said that 40 year old men don’t do that and he’s using his friend as a cover up. I really feel stupid as he’s tried to fob me off 😢 He’s destroyed my confidence entirely

Show quote history

Seriously. This is like a checklist.

He is 100% having an affair and is gaslighting you and you are correct tha he is having an affair.

Don’t expect the truth from the same mouth that has lied to you.

Randomuser2026 · 15/02/2026 20:39

Beyondbroken · 15/02/2026 19:29

Just wanting to know if this is a common thing?
My marriage of 10 years with my husband was a really happy one. There were no signs he wasn’t happy.
He suddenly changed in every way. Became secretive and cold.
He ended our marriage last month after having a solo trip away.
How likely is it he genuinely wants to be alone? He makes out I’m crazy for thinking he would cheat/have an affair. To the point where happy me has turned into an anxious mess needing therapy! But he’s been doing alot of things totally out of character.
I’m still so confused and it’s really messed me up 😢
Anyone have any personal experience?

Yup- he wasn’t alone. Although it was a few months before I found out for certain.

I had no intention of demeaning myself by searching, which meant he got progressively sloppier. The information landed in my lap, and I utterly retained the high ground.
Don’t engage in a conversation where you are going to get lied to. Take action without his input into your decision.

Does it make any difference whether he cheats, if he’s already treating you like shit. You have proof of that