House sale now children 18

[Start4040]

Hi all ,
I’m just wondering if anyone had any experience of what happens when your children and it’s time to sell the house to give ex their share previously agreed in the courts ? I have been trying to save but I don’t have the money, I have tried to get mortgage/ loan but I’m on a low wage and is not an option. I’m so worried as if I’m forced to sell the house I don’t think I will even be able to afford studio flat . My family have put in as much as they can but it’s no where near enough.
I’m so worried… it’s been hell waiting for this day and I don’t know what to do .
My ex is not a reasonable man and will be coming for this .
Any help advice greatly appreciated,
thank you :(

There would still be a landlord of some description though. And I suspect they would choose someone in their 20s over an 18 year old just out of school. Are you saying that it's easy for an 18 year old to support themselves? Because I don't know anyone who is having this experience.

People will insist that 18 year olds can do magical things. As we can see on this thread; oh can't let the "when I was young we did x y z and it never hurt me ha ha ha" attitude. When I was 16 it wasn't unusual for young people to have to move out into bedsits. That's a very long time ago. Now even homeless adults struggle to get a bedsit.

Anyway, none of this is helpful to OP and I hope she comes back and says she's had a look into shared ownership.

Are you saying that it's easy for an 18 year old to support themselves? Because I don't know anyone who is having this experience
Easy, no! But why expect an easy life at 18? Impossible? No again. At 18, they should either be working FT, in an apprenticeship or at Uni. Uni means sharing student accommodation. Working FT means you can evidence a regular income. Yes, I know 18 years old who lived in shared housing. Apprentiship is more difficult but again, there are other options. Living with dad, grand parents, other family members for a start.

Thank fuck. I thought I’d gone through into some other universe where 18 year olds can find and fund a place to live.

There is no statutory duty to provide accommodation to care leavers, they apply to the council or get private rooms. Some LA's still have accommodation schemes but they're often transitory to run until they're about 20 or so.

However people always seem to jump to envisaging an 18 year old living in a rental flat, I used bedstis, rental rooms, tons of them on Spareroom.com, you dont need a deposit quite often, no guarantor, bills often included, no CTAX is due.

No one is saying its ideal, if OP finds a way to buy him out all well and good. But the adult life starts somewhere, in this country the age of majority is 18, we do our young people no favours by infantilising them. How has OP been preparing her children for this or communicating with the ex about what the plans should look like?

My experience is that it's the kids with parents who act like victims on their behalf and install in them the notion that if something is hard, it can't be done, and to blame anyone else for their predicament who never manage to become independent.

Those with parents who tells them that they can do what they want to do, even if the journey is going to he tough, are the ones who manage it.

What age do you suggest the ex is legally expected to house ex and adult kids?

How old are you now? There is greater disparity than ever before between wages and housing costs. It's doubtful you're experience is relevant to OP's 18 year old chid.

You should have equity in the home if your children are 18 so you need to do your sums on what exactly you can afford.

Scenario A - you can afford to buy/rent something for yourself only. You will need to advise their father that they will either have to move in with him, he will need to help with housing costs, or they will be homeless. If they are still in full time education then it is not unreasonable to ask for it to be extended while they complete their studies.

Scenario B - he has a house and is not in urgent need of his equity back? He could gift the house to his children giving you a right to reside for a period of time. Whole life order would madness as they'd be old and grey themselves plus it makes them not first time buyers but it would be an option where his share of the asset passes to his children and they can force a sale in due course?

It’s natural op wants to still house the children

but legally is another matter. There is a legal settlement. Which she agreed to, knowing this was a trigger. Legally if ex wants to trigger it to get his money it will be enforced. It’s as simple as that

of course op could try to appeal
to his better nature and agree something different, but again likely to just kick the can down the road and is a huge reason why Meshers are a terrible idea

My youngest moved into his own studio place at 21 years old. OK not 18 but not much different. There were 4 people viewing on the same day. He got it. He made a good impression. He had only just started a full time job just a bit above NMW. It's a lovely studio in a great area and lovely house.

So yes, it can be done.

Another option, she rents with her 18yo, they both contribute half. After a year, he can get a reference from the landlord and a better job if required. OP can then buy a studio place.

That's not quite true. LAs have a statutory duty to provide leaving care support up until at least 21 or 25 if still in education or training. This includes housing ie. Helping them to secure appropriate and affordable housing. This is replicating what is expected of birth parents I guess - supporting young people to gradually become more independent rather than kick them out when they turn 18 (and are likely still studying for a levels).

It always strikes me on these threads what a hard time a single mum gets - like it's a moral failure that she is divorced and hasn't prepared her children that they will have leave home at 18 because she hasn't pulled herself together and saved 200k to pay her ex off, all the while doing all or the majority of bringing up their kids.

Those posting 'well you should have just planned better, you knew it was coming' I am fairly certain have bugger-all experience of this themselves.

How long have you had to prepare for this? If it’s several years then YABU to have buried your head in the sand this long - this day was always going to come and it’s irrelevant he has a 5 bed home and “doesn’t need the money” that’s your opinion nothing more.

Being allowed to stay in family homes for years is becoming rarer now because it’s unfair on the other party to lock up their capital. If you can’t afford the home then you need to sell - courts take a dim view of being then called to settle an order for force of sale when it was clearly set out and agreed what you had to do at the time and should have planned accordingly

@mcmuffin22 im a lone mother of 3 who has had the experience of this BTW and had to buy out my ex husband

Then you will appreciate how difficult this can be and comes with an absolute shedload of variables including house prices in your area, equity, how much support you have had from the other parent, which has a direct impact on how much you have been able to progress your career, etc. So many two-parent families are struggling to survive month to month, let alone single parent families. It doesn't take that much imagination to understand how the OP hasn't managed to save up 200k or whatever to buy her ex out.

Support to access, that is the statutory duty

That is not providing accommodation like they used to do (also with no duty) in the years gone by. Often supported accommodation was provided but now care leavers need to claim housing at the council and be supported (that is the statutory duty) to know how to find and apply for housing, private or council and council is few and far between.

So no, they do not have a statutory duty to provide housing, which is what I said.

That is no different to OPs role, helping and preparing her kids work out what private rents would be affordable or how they might share a tenancy with her perhaps, thats IF she cannot afford to buy out her ex husband, as I suggested earlier she needs to see a broker really.

I know someone who has just gone through the same thing. She sold up and moved into a brand new shared ownership home; I understand she also got preferential treatment re house allocation because of her situation.

I so agree with @mcmuffin22 about how these threads always play out. I am in this situation OP, in two years I will have to sell and split equity. Kids are with me all the time, oldest has SEN so is taking a circuitous route through Level education. He will not be living independently any time soon despite being 18 already. I am self employed so income is variable and I am heading towards mid-50s. No two situations are the same.

In Ireland, the age at which a child is seen as 'independent' in divorce cases is up to 23 or finished uni education. Much more sensible. Thinking an 18 year old can easily leave home and get a place to live is for the birds, especially in London

People are making all sorts of assumptions on the reasons for a mesher order agreement here. It could be a very recent agreement made because the children where taking exams at the time of divorce and a house move would have disrupted their education. It could be 17 years old.

We don’t know why the OP can’t afford anything other than a studio flat. She works FT but we don’t know her income or anything about the local housing market.

She does need to comply with the court order at some point in the near future. Any advice needs to focus on that reality. Given the lack of detail there isn’t really anything people can be specific about. Apart from the general advice to downsize, relocate or improve income.

As well as shared ownership / relocating you could look at over 50’s housing as that is often much cheaper but the dc would then have to make their own way or move in with dad.

Not unfair as that’s what was agreed.
As you haven’t been saving to buy him out did you just assume he’d not want what is his?

What age did your kids leave home?

It's not unreasonable of OP's ex to expect her to stick to what they have agreed, easy or not. The opinions of posters on this thread about it being no problem for an 18 year old to rent their own place are absolutely laughable. And just because the odd 18 year old has managed to do this, does not make it a norm. People are so utterly out of touch.

I think the general ‘unfairness’ is that if op and her ex were still together im
sute theyd be looking at ways to still support their young adults . Not many parents ( together) say to their 18 year old, right you’re on your own, move out etc. yet for divorced couples often the reality is it’s much harder financially to continue to support. Even more so if you’re in SE where here a 1 bed flat rents a 1500 a month before any bills - totally impossible for an 18 year old . it’s even 500 for a room in shared house exc bills

anyway, I think it’s hard for op to see her ex in a large house, no money worries, yet she is going to struggle to even get a bedsit and worrying about where her children will live too. I totally get that

it’s just that unfortunately it does t change the facts.

there is an order. It will be adhered to no ifs or buts should ex enforce it. Op can try to appeal to him to extend it or allow them to continue living there but it’s likely he won’t agree , in which case either has to comply or will be forced to by the law