Ex’s financial settlement offer - fair?

[Starbuck80]

My ex has proposed the following through this solicitor - does it seem like a fair split?

Bit of background: together 12yrs, married 8.5 with two kids 5yrs and 2yrs. He’s a high earner (£230k) and I’ve been a sahm for 5yrs with an earning capacity of £35k. He is also announced that he will be reducing his days down to four in the New Year and thinks the children should be with him 4 nights per week as he can financially support them.

There is circa £820k marital funds with £375k in house, plus his £300k pension plus stocks and shares. I have a pension pot of £11k. He has a mortgage capacity of £900k while I have no mortgage capacity. He has £4.3million in US investments which is ringfenced but accessible if needs can not be met through marital assets.

Also, we live in SE London so a 3 bed property is £676-700k

Offer:
£375k house equity to be offered as half lump sum and half in trust for the children
£700 per month child maintenance (due to reduced hours and wanting the kids 4 nights)
£500 per month spousal, reducing to £175 per month in year 3.

He has also said that this offer is only valid if I do the following:

• return to work immediately
• let him have the kids 4 days per week sun-Weds so I have then Fri and Sat.

I am dubious about these ‘ring fences’ assets. A divorce settlement includes all assets until the ‘needs’ are met, even including trusts.

There may be some rare structures that are somehow actually spared, but you need a really good lawyer.

I am sure many on here can recommend one.

Yeah they always think they’re being fleeced

remind your lawyer that she is acting for you and you are telling her mediation will not work. It’s a waste of your money

but I would also have an idea of what you want

@Starbuck80if he has them more than you, you will have to pay him maintenance and have them every weekend on Fri and sat nights!

The starting point of negotiations is 410 for you and nothing about putting anything in trust for the children. You need these assets to support yourself and the children.

As the lower earner, presumably because you cared from the children, you negotiate up from 410, not down.

why are so many of his assets ring fenced?

even if you have 50:50 custody, his payment suggestions seem low. You need to get a solicitor.

Premarital assets are only ring fenced after needs are met. I can tell you that from personal experience.

The only argument is over your needs.

Have you got a solicitor who is used to high net worth international divorces?

Hang in there.
in 20 yrs you will likely be pissed off you let him harass you into folding and get financially fucked.

He's got $4m dollars he afford to buy 700-800k average house so his children and ex wife are adequately housed.
Your needs are not met and he has considerable.assets that allow everyone to be provided for as you (long!) Marriage ends...

My advice
1. TUNE HIM OUT. Ignore all his bs.about you gold digging or whatever.
2. Get a (new) shit hot lawyer - go after him hard.work out your minimum and dont tell him what it is.

1. Accept you are basically in a war of attrition now.

Personally...
I'd want a mortgage free house and half.the pensions at least... so house and 100-200k cash for pensions / savings / home improvements / whatever

Your OTE is SO much lower... go for everything you can....

I urge you to change solicitor. I’m a bit confused by your post - do YOU think the proposed is fair? is this this a reverse? It’s so clearly ludicrous what he is proposing.

you can’t do this with an average high street solicitor, you need a firm that deals in high networth cases.

Zero experience in divorce but even i can see that the offering he's proposed is a pi++take. I think you need a new, more aggressive lawyer. Sounds like a really tough situation so I'm sending solidarity - stay strong, know what you need for you & your kids & don't be bullied down.

I don't think that offer is fair. He has been able to advance his career and increase his earning potential because of the sacrifices you have made. Get your solicitor to reply back asking for substantially more.

If you need £700k to buy another home outright I would be asking for exDH to clear the mortgage on the current house and transfer it into your sole name. Much less disruptive for the children and then I would leave his pensions and investments alone.

Not fair at all.

He wants the kids 4 nights to minimise what he pays you. In the future he can drop the child maintenance for them as he is their primary carer as he has them more nights than you. He can do this 12 months from the court date, he can go to the CMS and override the court order as CMS calculation takes precedence.

375k but you only get half the rest goes into a trust for the kids. Absolutely not, it should all go to you. If he wants to put money in trust for the children that’s nothing to do with your financial settlement.

as for wanting the kids more nights than you, he has been happy for you to take full care of them up until now so I suspect this is to minimise what he has to give you.

At the minimum I would expect you to get enough to house you and your children plus child maintenance on top with you as the primary carer. Plus a good share of his pension. With spousal maintenance on top of a period long enough to allow you to pick your career back up/retrain.

if you haven’t got one already, you need a good solicitor! Don’t forget you put your career on hold by bringing a sahm to allow him to concentrate on his. He should have been paying into your pension all along.

Definitely doesn’t sound right to me. Similar circumstances to you, my DH had to give all of the house equity and his full pension to his ex. Child maintenance until the kids left full time education and lifetime spousal maintenance. He was 35 at the time. This was 15 years ago and I know it’s less generous now, but still…

this sounds awfully similar to this thread posted in june - but it’s reversed
both names have star and 80 in… worth noting
www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5354646-settlement-offer-from-high-earning-stbx

Yes the op is sometimes a man sometimes a woman according to posting history

The spousal maintenance can be stopped after a year/go back to court for consideration if you aren’t primary parent that weakens your position of what you need.

In short it doesn’t seem fair with lots of potential downfalls for you.

Lifetime spousal maintenance! 😳 can’t she work ?

Well in terms of asset split it doesnt a seem fair offer In terms of the law

in terms of him dropping a day - reasonable
and you working full time to support yourself- also reasonable.

@notatinydancerdon't even get me started! I see her on my commute to work, popping for a coffee with her pooch… My earnings almost exactly match what she gets for doing nothing. I feel like I work for her. It’s immoral really.

@notatinydancershe also cohabits with a guy and has done for over 10 years. They don’t marry because they know the spousal maintenance will stop at that point. He even keeps his old home so that they can pretend they’re not cohabiting. Some
people have no shame.

God how annoying.

UPDATE: we had our pFDR on Tuesday and the judge agreed with circa 90% of my WP proposal. Based on all the evidence presented (which include mortgage capacity reports, property particulars, bank and investment statements, job applications, parenting logs, proposals, replies to questionnaire), her recommendations was 6yrs decreasing spousal maintenance, topped up child maintenance, 50/50 pensions, my ex to pay nursery fees ( with me getting a discount) and equal housing needs with my ex giving me the equity from the house and a lump sum. He was left with 81% of the combined matrimonial and non matrimonial wealth and I got 19%. While you may think 19% is not a lot to me, it gives you an idea of the total asset pool.

The judge was amazing and went through all the bundle and gave detailed explanations as to how she came to her decisions. She also
pointed out that there is no such thing in British family law as ‘ring-fenced’ assets when it comes to needs based cases.

We came very close to signing off the order but my ex decided, at the very last minute, that he wanted to change some of the agreed proposal elements in terms of housing needs and money put aside for the kids university education. If he actually admitted to his true intentions at the start, there a significant chance the judge’s decision would have differed based on the available information. Now we find ourselves working to 16 October directions hearing with a high chance of going to a final hearing. To date this has cost my ex over £100k in legal fees with the prospect of another £100k to get to the final hearing, all because he wants revenge on me for asking for the divorce.

Sounds like an outcome that is fairer and the minimum of what you need for the DC.

Keep going!

I’m so glad you didn’t take his original offer! Presumably he isn’t getting the children 4 nights a week? Absolute farce he has been allowed to drag it out again till October. Hope you aren’t still having to live with him.

God these men are selfish. Good luck for the final hearing.

my ex and I weren’t married but I know he would have pulled a similar trick. 15yrs later, he just sent me 5k yesterday for some furniture for the new house I am finally buying (been renting ever since but relocating to a cheaper area now kids are 18 plus). He also paid 3k for my dog in May. He is a million miles away from the selfish idiot when I split from him (just to confirm, we are not in a relationship and never will be). He’s had a long time to reflect on his behaviour and realised he was a pri*k.