Ex’s financial settlement offer - fair?

[Starbuck80]

My ex has proposed the following through this solicitor - does it seem like a fair split?

Bit of background: together 12yrs, married 8.5 with two kids 5yrs and 2yrs. He’s a high earner (£230k) and I’ve been a sahm for 5yrs with an earning capacity of £35k. He is also announced that he will be reducing his days down to four in the New Year and thinks the children should be with him 4 nights per week as he can financially support them.

There is circa £820k marital funds with £375k in house, plus his £300k pension plus stocks and shares. I have a pension pot of £11k. He has a mortgage capacity of £900k while I have no mortgage capacity. He has £4.3million in US investments which is ringfenced but accessible if needs can not be met through marital assets.

Also, we live in SE London so a 3 bed property is £676-700k

Offer:
£375k house equity to be offered as half lump sum and half in trust for the children
£700 per month child maintenance (due to reduced hours and wanting the kids 4 nights)
£500 per month spousal, reducing to £175 per month in year 3.

He has also said that this offer is only valid if I do the following:

• return to work immediately
• let him have the kids 4 days per week sun-Weds so I have then Fri and Sat.

Have you seen a solicitor?

have you considered what you think fair in terms of the kids and finance split? Him having the kids 4 nights after you being the primary carer seems too much but I don’t think it’s unreasonable you go back to work in some capacity

Married. £820k marital funds. You have limited mortgage potential and will have low mortgage potential for many many years. He has a mortgage potential of nearly a million.

he has separate investments of £4.3 million.

you can financially support them fir more of the week also if he pays you proper maintenance. You have been the primary care giver. Who will be looking after the dc whilst at his home?

yeah I’d laugh in his face

Your mortgage capacity is zero and you need to buy a 3 bedroom house outright in your area. Whatever the average price of that is, is the starting point of what you need!

Also you say he is dropping to 4 days per week - so what is the intention for childcare when he’s working? I suspect he’s asking this to hurt you but he will get fed up

how much is your mortgage

I’ve already started trying to upskill to get back into the workforce. I’ve already started applying for roles but am not getting any interviews. My ex travels extensively as well (at least once per month internationally) so I’ll have to fit childcare in around my own work.

We’re SE London so for somewhere that doesn’t need any real work done to it, prob in the region of £650-700k

He’s clearly taking the piss the. Wants them 4 nights a week but will expect you to take them when he needs you to?

you need to get a job for your own financial security but given the amounts involved I would expect you to get a lot more.

what’s the mortgage on the house?

It’s a ludicrous offer!

The offer for the children is only legally enforceable for 1 year, and then he will probably renege. Then you will have to go to the CSA.

He wants his children on the cheapest nights. All the expenses come at weekends.

As for the assets, your needs are the same lifestyle you are accustomed to after 12 years of marriage, so you will need substantial investments for that.

I had somewhat more than you when I split with my ex wife and it was needs-based, but she still got about 40% of a substantially larger pot (prob 1.5x approximately).

You are a high net worth couple and you need solid legal advice.

(And you need to say when you want to have the children, not merely acquiesce to what he wants).

He told me in April this year that he’s reducing his days. It just so happened to coincide with me asking for a divorce…

It’s definitely to punish me and reduce his payments. He struggles to look after the kids two days in a row!

What is peculiar is the complete absence of any legal involvement

Go see a solicitor. My DH got divorced about 7 years ago and in their settlement everything went 70/30 in favour of his ex plus child and spousal maintenance because she didn’t work (nothing stopping her working, and when she had previously worked she had higher salary and future earning potential than DH, but she just didn’t want to!) I think the 70/30 thing is quite a common way of splitting where there is disparity between incomes and one parent isn’t working. But I also know that in settlements where a judge is involved, the judge will expect the woman to work in these situations, and will seek a clean break with no regular commitment to you apart from child maintenance. Good luck!

Are you living together?

£700k mortgage left on the house.

When you say the US assets are ringfenced, what do you mean?

But your starting point is nowhere near what hes offering.

He might have a woman lined up to have the kids when he is abroad.

No not a good offer please see a solicitor asap

Sorry, I should have said that mediation failed and we’re now in solicitor negotiations.

The issue is that he’s not full disclosed all his assets and is refusing to respond to the Schedule of Deficiencies we’ve sent over. He’s also refused a private FDR which both solicitors have recommended.

I told my solicitor to pull the trigger with starting court proceedings on Monday but she seems reluctant. I’ve tried to explain how my ex will not be reasonable in out of court negotiations but I think there’s a big push at the moment to keep stuff out of the court system.

And the divorce is nothing to do with the children so he cant put it in trust. Is his maintenance figures accurate? Dropping 1 day a week isn't going to impact much on that salary.

When he has to work away what is childcare solution, because you shouldnt be the default. On his time, his problem.

I’m assuming it’s family money in the US and that’s why it’s ring fenced

as pp said - you need a much better split. How old are you?

I would be asking for enough to buy a suitable property outright plus some of the pension. But you definitely need to see a solicitor as they will be able to look at the facts

if he’s earning that much are you sure there aren’t savings elsewhere?

Unfortunately so. It’s hell.

Sadly I imagine for the poor children too

I'd be telling him to get to fuck. Get yourself a better shit hot lawyer and rinse him.

Premarital assets.

He thinks I want to bleed him dry of his wealth when the reality is that the marital assets would likely cover everything.

If you don't feel your solicitor is working fully for you - ask another solicitor for an opinion. Ask for recommendations from family & friends. you need to have absolute confidence in the legal advice you are receiving.

My 2yr old has no clue but our 5yr old was 4 when we split and is turning 6 in Feb. She’s getting more and more aware of what’s going on and it kills me. If I could move out, I would but I’m being financially held hostage.