He offered to draw down his pension to buy me out

[Seriestwo]

He is offering to draw down his pension to “give me enough so you can buy a house”.

He is offering this so he can reduce his worth, isn’t he?

Married 23 years, 2 adult kids, one at uni. I was at home with them for years, have no pension. There’s equity in the house which he wants to keep so is offering to buy me out via his pension pot.

i have no idea how much he has financially, he has kept me away from all knowledge of finances. I don’t even know where our utilities are. Basically, I am shafted and he can hide whatever money he likes .

Im right to be suspicious, right?

@Seriestwo No to any of his proposals without legal advice. Do not leave the marital home, no matter how hard he makes it. If you show you can afford to rehouse, it will diminish your settlement. He can leave if he wants to. No to the pension drawdown too.

To make any financial decisions, you need a full disclosure of his financial position, especially in view of the fact that you gave up your career to facilitate his by caring for your unwell child.

What you need to keep in mind is that despite your nearly 25 years of marriage, he does not have your best interest at heart. In fact, it is likely that he will do everything in his power to shaft you. Don't let him, find your anger and use it to get the best possible start to the next chapter of your life. You may surprise yourself and will likely shock him. Best wishes.

“If you show you can afford to rehouse, it will diminish your settlement”

I don’t believe it will. OP is incredibly unlikely to get spousal maintenance if that what you mean. 50:50 split isn’t going to be impacted by her ability to rent a house to get out of the marital home.

i do agree that moving out will give him an excuse to delay everything, and that it will start diminishing the asset base

That isn't what I mean. OP's situation is not a standard one. She may well get SM dependent on her age and potential to find work. Her situation bears some similarity to mine and I was awarded SM and the majority of assets.

Ex had rehoused himself into rental so his claim for assets was dismissed as the court deemed him not to require funds for housing as he was already meeting that need.

When there has been a long marriage, with a substantial asset base and a large disparity in earning potential, you need a good legal team to ensure you get a fair settlement.

Without knowing the detail this in principle is very fair and stacked in your favour’s he is allowing you to buy somewhere to live. That’s an opportunity most don’t have.

too much unknown but I think he has thought about this and is actually looking after your interests fairly and honestly.

Looks like OP's STBXH may have found the thread.

No. Not at all. I’ve been in a similar situation, the other way round actually and have a very good comprehension of finances.

He’s not allowing anything, the law does. But thanks for the laugh

In my divorce, my ex claimed at Court I couldn't have achieved so much without growing my Company without her support. When I pressed her on what my business was, she didn't even know

Oh you poor chickens.

Without fact and figures no one can advise you if it’s a good deal or not

To be fair, he has been the breadwinner and 100% supported OP to live like a lady of leisure for however many years. I don’t agree she would be entitled to more than 50% especially since there are no minor children. No mediator or court would agree either.

Perhaps if you are disabled and can’t work….

In my case my spouse was a SAHD. I would have found it hugely unfair if he could take over 50% of everything I had earned and saved for us.

Just realised this is quite an old thread 🤐

No, it’s only a couple of weeks old!

If investments are in your name they are legally yours, regardless of who funded them. Do you know who these investments are with? If so, contact the company and explain that you are being denied access and are concerned he might try to sell them, or hide them in a divorce. Getting control of them will help you to be able to become independent and pay for what you need. Of course you will still list them as assets in your name for the divorce.

Lady of leisure?

that’s just mean spirited. I hope you never have to deal with what I dealt with.

Thanks for all the helpful advice.

i found a lawyer and have had good advice about how to access the financial information I need.

I won’t return to the thread. It was really useful to read the posts at the time and I am very grateful for the signposting - but I have not tolerance for the comments about me amusing myself with little hobbies while my devoted and taken for granted husband worked his fingers to the bone. My kid’s attendance at school was about 40% and I had planned his funeral. There was not much fucking leisure to be had and I can’t be arsed reading that projection bollocks.

thanks all. Things will be fine.

OP I am sorry for some of the replies you’ve received, they are certainly not helpful, but glad you’ve got proper legal advice to help you, moving forward.

Good for you OP. I'm sorry for what you've been through and for the hideous comments. There are some vile people on Mumsnet.

Yes. My husband retired on ill health. I had a similar sized pension but hadn't drawn it. He would likely have been entitled to half if we had divorced.

How much is the pension worth? If he draws down 500k of 1m would you pay more tax on that vs if you just keep the 1m property?

Get legal advice.

Ask him for a copy if his latest pension statement and a copy of the savings accounts and the mortgage statement so you can thi k about it. Meanwhile get the house valued