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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

What should i do about financial settlement? Please help

99 replies

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:20

Hi all

Just to put you in the picture, STBEx-H and me separated nearly 3 years ago. We have two DD, 6 and 9, and owned a house together. He moved out after we split and me and DDs stayed in the family home for nearly a year until we sold and moved into a new house. I have a mortgage on my new house in my name alone.

Until I sold our old house ex-h was paying half the mortgage cost. Since we split he's also paid maintenance and has DDs 3 nights a week. He works shifts and can't have them more than that but is trying to change it so he can have them 50/50.

I've started the divorce and can apply for the final order now. He says we need a financial consent order but if we've agreed everything why do we? When the house sold he agreed I could have all the money in it and so I put that towards my new house. He pays maintenance and we both pay half of all clubs, clothes etc.

Why do we need any of the financial stuff if it's all be agreed? It feels like he's trying to pull a fast one on me and make it so I have to have less or something.

What would you do?

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 09/10/2025 14:25

You def need to separate the finances, without it if you win the lottery at a later date he can come after it.

Ponderingwindow · 09/10/2025 14:29

You need everything in writing so he can’t come back later. This protects you as much as him.

it doesn’t need to be adversarial or difficult. It can just be some simple paperwork. It’s a good idea to pay your own solicitor to review it and make sure everything is in order, but you can work out the details yourselves first.

MissAmbrosia · 09/10/2025 14:33

Your new house is technically still a marital asset. That's why you get a financial order.

Original poster
WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:34

MissAmbrosia · 09/10/2025 14:33

Your new house is technically still a marital asset. That's why you get a financial order.

But how if it's not in his name?

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 14:36

Because you’re still married.

You’ve asked do you need a consent order. Yes. Yes you do.

redastherose · 09/10/2025 14:37

As everyone else has said until the financial consent order is sealed by a court either of you could come after the other parties assets at some point in the future. It sounds like you’ve got the bones of the financial agreement already so you just need a solicitor to put that agreement into a consent order and file it at court. This way your pensions and future finances are properly severed!

Financeisfun · 09/10/2025 14:38

You're still married. Your new house is a marital asset.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 09/10/2025 14:38

I agree with what everyone else has said.

NotnowMavis · 09/10/2025 14:39

Because you’re still married. Everything is a joint marital asset while that’s still the case. You need a financial consent order, but like @Ponderingwindow says, it doesn’t have to be difficult. Just write down who’s having what, get a solicitor to put it in the appropriate legal language m and if it’s fair and equitable it’ll be approved in a few weeks.

Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 14:40

Why did you get the proceeds of the house? What are the pension arrangements?

Original poster
WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:40

But I don't have the money to pay for that right now and just want to be divorced. He said I can have all the money from the house so surely he can't come after it if he agreed it in writing? He doesn't have a pension so I can't take any of that, he said I can keep mine. I don't know what else there is to sort.

OP posts:
Mauro711 · 09/10/2025 14:40

Yep, agree with previous posters. It's incredibly important to sort out the financials, until that is done you are legally financially tied together. He could come for a part of your house now as it's a marital asset, but get it done asap regardless.

Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 14:41

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:40

But I don't have the money to pay for that right now and just want to be divorced. He said I can have all the money from the house so surely he can't come after it if he agreed it in writing? He doesn't have a pension so I can't take any of that, he said I can keep mine. I don't know what else there is to sort.

He said you can keep your pension. Without a financial order, he can change his mind and come after it. You need a financial consent order. Do not get the decree absolute without it.

Mauro711 · 09/10/2025 14:41

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:40

But I don't have the money to pay for that right now and just want to be divorced. He said I can have all the money from the house so surely he can't come after it if he agreed it in writing? He doesn't have a pension so I can't take any of that, he said I can keep mine. I don't know what else there is to sort.

So you have all the assets? It's unlikely a judge will sign off on that. You might have to compromise somewhere.

Mumski45 · 09/10/2025 14:41

I have no experience of this and no legal background but it does sound like all your ExDH is asking for is a legal document to prove what you have already agreed. This is good for both of you as neither of you can then break the informal agreement you currently have at a later date.

NotnowMavis · 09/10/2025 14:42

It’s not expensive though. We did ours together and just paid for a solicitor to put it in the correct legal format, and file it. It wasn’t much.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 14:42

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:34

But how if it's not in his name?

Show quote history

Because you haven’t got a consent order….!

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 14:45

Um. He has given you everything when he’s due half. Why has he done that?

limescale · 09/10/2025 14:46

You’ve asked for help. People are giving you that help and explaining why you need to do this. Trust them.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 14:47

The info you have given is that….
you both agreed you would have all the assets
you have the children nearly 50/50 but he still pays maintenance
he wants it all sorted, signed and finished as is the norm.

and you think he is the one pulling a fast one?!? How?

Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 14:48

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 14:47

The info you have given is that….
you both agreed you would have all the assets
you have the children nearly 50/50 but he still pays maintenance
he wants it all sorted, signed and finished as is the norm.

and you think he is the one pulling a fast one?!? How?

This!

Rosesfornoses · 09/10/2025 14:49

I thought a judge intervenes if he thinks the financial arrangements are too one sided and unfair

Itsrainingloadshere · 09/10/2025 14:49

You must get this sorted asap. It’s so important.

You are still married therefore all the assets are joint and it doesn’t matter which name they are in. Can be straightforward if you agree on it all but you MUST get this done before the divorce is final.

Otherwise there’s nothing legal to stop a change of mind further down the line and he may ask for the house equity and your pension value to be equalised between you. You may have to do some thinking as it may not be a given that the consent order will be approved if you are keeping all the assets. He will need to show he has received independent legal advice as well or not won’t get approved.

RedAdmirals · 09/10/2025 14:49

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:20

Hi all

Just to put you in the picture, STBEx-H and me separated nearly 3 years ago. We have two DD, 6 and 9, and owned a house together. He moved out after we split and me and DDs stayed in the family home for nearly a year until we sold and moved into a new house. I have a mortgage on my new house in my name alone.

Until I sold our old house ex-h was paying half the mortgage cost. Since we split he's also paid maintenance and has DDs 3 nights a week. He works shifts and can't have them more than that but is trying to change it so he can have them 50/50.

I've started the divorce and can apply for the final order now. He says we need a financial consent order but if we've agreed everything why do we? When the house sold he agreed I could have all the money in it and so I put that towards my new house. He pays maintenance and we both pay half of all clubs, clothes etc.

Why do we need any of the financial stuff if it's all be agreed? It feels like he's trying to pull a fast one on me and make it so I have to have less or something.

What would you do?

I would consult a solicitor and take their advice.

Lougle · 09/10/2025 14:50

@WildRaven imagine this scenario:

2025 - You're divorcing. Ex H has a good job with a steady income and his own property. You have used all the money from the house sale to buy a new house. Everything is fine.

2030 - You're divorced. DH has had an accident, lost his job, lost his home. He decides that it would have been better to share the proceeds of the house sale, so he takes you to court. Because he has low earning capacity and is disabled, the judge thinks he should have more than 50% of the proceeds. You have no choice but to sell to release that money.

That's why you need a consent order. It stops this scenario.