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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

What should i do about financial settlement? Please help

99 replies

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:20

Hi all

Just to put you in the picture, STBEx-H and me separated nearly 3 years ago. We have two DD, 6 and 9, and owned a house together. He moved out after we split and me and DDs stayed in the family home for nearly a year until we sold and moved into a new house. I have a mortgage on my new house in my name alone.

Until I sold our old house ex-h was paying half the mortgage cost. Since we split he's also paid maintenance and has DDs 3 nights a week. He works shifts and can't have them more than that but is trying to change it so he can have them 50/50.

I've started the divorce and can apply for the final order now. He says we need a financial consent order but if we've agreed everything why do we? When the house sold he agreed I could have all the money in it and so I put that towards my new house. He pays maintenance and we both pay half of all clubs, clothes etc.

Why do we need any of the financial stuff if it's all be agreed? It feels like he's trying to pull a fast one on me and make it so I have to have less or something.

What would you do?

OP posts:
AnAudacityofinlaws · 09/10/2025 14:51

Rosesfornoses · 09/10/2025 14:49

I thought a judge intervenes if he thinks the financial arrangements are too one sided and unfair

This. My friend and her Ex had to go before the court in person so the judge could be assured that the Ex was happy to be divorced by his high earning wife and left with next to nothing.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 14:54

Rosesfornoses · 09/10/2025 14:49

I thought a judge intervenes if he thinks the financial arrangements are too one sided and unfair

They do. I suspect that’s why the ex is doing this. I wonder what this story is from his pov…

TheSandgroper · 09/10/2025 14:55

You need a financial consent order because that’s the way the law works.

Anything else is wishful thinking and a lifetime of hope.

Get the financial order done.

Original poster
WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:55

Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 14:40

Why did you get the proceeds of the house? What are the pension arrangements?

Because he earns more than me and left me so he has to provide a house for our daughters.

OP posts:
Pleasealexa · 09/10/2025 14:56

Your ex is being very sensible, it definitely worth the money to draw a line for the finances.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 14:58

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:55

Because he earns more than me and left me so he has to provide a house for our daughters.

Show quote history

No he doesn’t!! You do! With a SPLIT of the assets.

If I was his friend op, I’d be telling him to get himself a solicitor appointment pronto.

Original poster
WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:59

He earns more than I do and didn't want to spend loads on solicitors, he has moved on and wants it done like I do so gave me what is fair, he can earn more than me and it's not may fault he wanted to leave and now I'm going to have to pay more moeny to solicitors to get it all sorted!

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 14:59

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 14:55

Because he earns more than me and left me so he has to provide a house for our daughters.

Show quote history

But he didn’t have to provide necessarily all the equity. Where is he living?

And he’s doing almost 50/50 childcare now so there won’t be any maintenance to pay.

Itsrainingloadshere · 09/10/2025 15:00

Marriage joins your finances together legally and therefore the consent order is needed to separate them legally.

His earnings, and yours, will be taken into account along with assets such as pensions and the house value. A very uneven split is likely to be queried by the judge though and you will both need to show that you are in agreement.

Thundertoast · 09/10/2025 15:00

If he has give you everything you wanted, then you need to formalise that legally, so he cant change his mind. Because right now, legally he absolutely could. He is doing the right thing for YOU pushing for this as you've got everything you need - this will mean you never have to worry about fighting for it.

Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 15:00

Don’t forget that if he has bought somewhere new, that’s ALSO an asset of the marriage!

Original poster
WildRaven · 09/10/2025 15:01

He has rented somewhere as he says he can't afford to buy a house so I don't need to worry about that.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 15:02

Is this a reverse?

Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 15:03

He seems to have been superbly generous - or ill-advised. I’d get it written up asap!!!

Libertylawn · 09/10/2025 15:03

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2025 15:02

Is this a reverse?

I wondered that too.

Thundertoast · 09/10/2025 15:04

And regardless of who left who, when you get married you sign a legal contract, and you get married knowing that you might get divorced, which as everyone knows, costs money.... i get that he broke the family up, but you both signed a contract with legal and financial consequences, so im not sure why you seem think you shouldn't pay? Especially as it sounds like he's walked away with less than he might be entitled to legally?

Tiswa · 09/10/2025 15:06

You need a clean break order for both of you

millymollymoomoo · 09/10/2025 15:07

This can’t be true

he doesn’t have to buy a house for you or children
your assets should be shared regardless of whose decision to leave it is
You have 100% of assets - which a judge is unlikely to agree
you think he’s shafting you when actually it seems it’s you shafting him

Thistooshallpsss · 09/10/2025 15:07

A young hippy couple with no assets divorced. No financial settlement. Years later one party founded an eco energy company and became very wealthy. Ex partner went after him for a share in the company and was successful at law. I haven’t made that up

friendsDisUnited · 09/10/2025 15:08

Agree this has to be a reverse. You expect to take all the assets, have 50:50 children and receive maintenance. Reality is going to be a bitch.

sittingonabeach · 09/10/2025 15:12

How come he hasn’t got a pension?

AnotherForumUser · 09/10/2025 15:15

Stop focusing about how it's not fair you will have to pay a small amount to settle the financial consent order. It won't cost that much but it is vital to get it done. As people have tried to explain it protects you as.much as him. If you don't get one he can come after your assets later on. You sticking your fingers in your ears won't change a thing. He WILL have the legal right to claim against you if you don't get this order sorted out regardless of you arguing here. You want advice, well the previous posters have given it. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it is incorrect. Please for your own sake deal with reality as it is, not as you would like it to be. Otherwise you will be back here in the future complaining that your ex is coming after your assets. And you will only have yourself to blame.

fireandlightening · 09/10/2025 15:32

You have got a superb deal. It is entirely in your interest to get this set in stone legally i.e. financial consent order. The fact that he left you, and you are not at fault, is irrelevant to the financial arrangement. Just pay a solicitor and pray this goes through without the judge putting a spoke in the wheels because it is unfair to your STBXH (the judge won't care by the way about who left whom and why)!

GloryFades · 09/10/2025 15:55

WildRaven · 09/10/2025 15:01

He has rented somewhere as he says he can't afford to buy a house so I don't need to worry about that.

I’d be extremely worried about that in your circumstances. How long before he realises he actually does want to buy a house so comes after you (and maybe by that time your new husband) for his share of the marital assets.

You’re being silly - it sounds like the order would protect you more, but you absolutely should be getting it put in place.

C152 · 09/10/2025 16:04

He's right - you should get a financial consent order. You don't have to, to finalise your divorce, but it's strongly recommended. It prevents either party from making future financial claims on the other. All may be rosy now, but one of you might lose all your money or the other might receive a windfall and the ex decides they should get a part of it. This can happen at any point after divorce; there is no time limit.

Getting a financial consent order doesn't have to cost a fortune. If you've both agreed all the financials, you both employee different solicitors to look at what's been agreed and put it in legally correct wording. It will then go before the Court, where the judge will determine whether the financial agreement is reasonable (e.g. if you were desperate to be rid of your ex and therefore gave up the house and all claim to him pension, yet you were caring for the kids, the judge would likely reject your submission). It will cost about £1000 each. That's not a lot to ensure future financial security.