What should i do about financial settlement? Please help

[WildRaven]

Hi all

Just to put you in the picture, STBEx-H and me separated nearly 3 years ago. We have two DD, 6 and 9, and owned a house together. He moved out after we split and me and DDs stayed in the family home for nearly a year until we sold and moved into a new house. I have a mortgage on my new house in my name alone.

Until I sold our old house ex-h was paying half the mortgage cost. Since we split he's also paid maintenance and has DDs 3 nights a week. He works shifts and can't have them more than that but is trying to change it so he can have them 50/50.

I've started the divorce and can apply for the final order now. He says we need a financial consent order but if we've agreed everything why do we? When the house sold he agreed I could have all the money in it and so I put that towards my new house. He pays maintenance and we both pay half of all clubs, clothes etc.

Why do we need any of the financial stuff if it's all be agreed? It feels like he's trying to pull a fast one on me and make it so I have to have less or something.

What would you do?

This is exactly why you need a financial order - because yes, technically right now he could force you to sell the house as it counts as a marital asset. Obviously you've had a lot on your shoulders and this is another thing to deal with, but I would strongly encourage you to do some basic research on divorce online on the .gov sites and family law sites, then talk to a solicitor about it. Im not trying to sound harsh, but you need to be doing a lot more research on this yourself than you have been until now in order to protect yourself and your kids. It can seem intimidating, but there are lots of resources out there that try and put it into simple language and go through different scenarios etc. I know this is another thing on your shoulders but I promise you, you can do this. Do you have much support around you in your life?

@WildRaven a judge can order the sale of your house

not saying they would but they absolutely can!

the basic principles of divorce is 50:50 starting point - and a judge will always try to get near to that if possible. To get higher equity you’d usually trade off against a pension - yet you’ve kept yours. He has no obligation to house you although housing of children is a priority ( can be rented)

of course we don’t know the values involved, if they’re low you probably stand a good chance of it ultimately going through, if they’re higher there will be a lot more scrutiny and questions. Spousal is rare even when one party earns considerably more - it’s relative to the actual value and total assets - eg he earns 3 times you but that could be 60k vs 30k or 600k vs 200k.

equally 100% of assets could be 50k or £1m

anyway, you know now you need to get this drawn up and be prepared for questions to come back and more information to be provided as to why it’s been agreed this way

You need legal advice because it’s really not as simple as this. A judge has to agree the agreement is fair- you cannot just decide that between the two of you, a judge will contest it and re-arrange it for you.

What happens if the judge doesn't agree but we just leave it as it is?

You can’t. The judge won’t sign it off, so no finances sorted, no divorce.

That’s not correct. There is nothing to stop someone applying for a final order (what we now call decree absolute) before the financial orders are approved. Whether it’s sensible is a different question…

Then you won’t have a signed consent order and you’ll be back to square one with him being able to claim your house is a marital asset.

it will cost you far more in the long run to have a judge throw this out and start again, that if you just made it fair in the first place.

100 % of assets isn’t fair to him on a 3x salary
50% isn’t fair to you due to 3x salary
’normal’ might be 60/70% to you but we don’t know without numbers

3x salary but you’re part time. The relevant number is your full time equivalent.

The point is you can’t just bury your head over the financials.

OP I believe sometimes if you’ve agreed something other than a 50/50 split, your ex might just have to confirm to the judge that legal advice has been sought and he is happy with the split. My sister got 85% of the house and a greater split than 50/50 overall as the kids lived with her mostly and her ex earned a lot more than she did. It was all signed off without any problems.

You sound very entitled, OP.

Just go to court and let a judge decide if your settlement is fair.

You can chose to leave this as is. You can chose to divorce and not sort finances. But it leaves both parties open to future claims, complications, and uncertainty as you’re still financially tied even if divorced.

so at any point claims could be made, especially for example if he lost his 3x higher salary

I represented myself in court for the finances and you can do a lot yourself before involving a solicitor. You will need to complete a Form ES2 which is basically a summary of your assets and liabilities (and your ex’s). Once you’ve done this and both happy, you will need to get someone to turn it into a legally binding consent order so it can be submitted to court for approval. I used a local solicitor to do this bit but as no negotiations / advice as such, it wasn’t mega expensive.

The judge may query it if it’s not fair to your ex husband but as long as he has sought legal advice and is happy, it should still be ok.

Like others have said, definitely don’t get divorced until you’ve done the finances. You can apply for the divorce online and there are many steps so it’s a slow process anyway whilst you sort the finances. Can definitely get the ball rolling now and apply!

This. Altho its possible a judge won't sign it off as it sounds very in your favour?

Don't finalise your divorce until you have your FCO. It protects both of you.

But he CAN force you to sell the house

I'd be surprised if a judge agreed you kept all of the equity in the joint house and could keep all of your pension if your stbexh does not have a pension. How will he accommodate the DC to stay with him if he doesn't have anywhere to live?

He almost certainly has a large pension if he's agreed you can keep the house.

This thread has a few possible scenarios…

1. the ex is dodgy, has a shit tonne of assets, and wants to sign off without disclosure
2. the op is abusive towards her ex, he is scared of her, and knows the only way to get his fair share is through the legal framework
3. the ex genuinely just wants out and is prepared to give away all his assets to get a clean break done and dusted

Op just get it done. The longer you leave it, the more complex it is likely to become. His situation might change and he might come after your house. Plus if either of you repartnered then their assets and income are taken into account. And the longer you leave it, the bigger your pension is and the more equity you have in your home so the greater the odds are that the judge will say the split is unfair. Especially if he continues to rent and has no pension.

Right now you agree. Yes the judge will want to make sure there has been no coercion. But she will also want to make sure all assets have been disclosed and each of you has the opportunity to move on with your life. I find it really hard to believe he does not have a pension. Is that because he is self employed? If so, don’t forget that his business is an asset and will probably ge taken into account.

There’s literally a thread on here right now about the op (female) buying a house with her partner, she’s put most of the money in (I think). However her partner had never divorced his wife. The wife is now coming after their assets. It doesn’t matter who’s name is on what, you’re married, he’s entitled to it

OP: wwyd?
Everyone: seek legal advice
OP: don’t want to, why should I…..
Everyone: it’s in your interests
OP: But but but…..

I think there's a fair bit of scaremongering here.
We had a very unequal financial settlement on paper. There were reasons which are not relevant but anyway the judge signed it off no problem. As long as you are both housed and each getting something and everyone is confirmed they are happy and have legal reps, it's not so likely to end up overturned. At least that's my experience

@Whyherewego you missed the bit where op ex is getting 0% and op 100%

thst might be ok or it might not. Either way I would fully expect a judge to question it

Definitely get a financial order. Without it, you could win the lottery and he could have a case for some of the money. Honestly I breathed a sigh of relief when my order came through, it meant my ex can never come after my savings, pension etc.

He could lose his income but you keep the assets 100% built up in the marriage? The same assets that wouldn’t of been built up but for his efforts also. Those are the kinds of reasons a Judge might deem it unfair. Thankfully Judges are fair and neutral. They put the kids immediate needs first but often have a view to splitting more equally when the kids are older hence mesher orders, sometimes (though more rare) spousal maintenance etc. Judges can and do order house sales also depending on the circumstances. OP no sense arguing with MN about the law. Take the risk of losing your 🏡 or £s later if you want to. No skin off the nose of anyone posting here. It may be ok if your ex doesn’t come after his share but you’re wrong to think he isn’t entitled to anything or that he owes you. That’s a ridiculous POV.