Is it unusual for the mother to move out of the family home?

[BloodyHellKenn]

Just wondering what everyone’s options are. Is it very unusual for the Mother to be the one to leave the family home and the Dad stays? (Shared custody) From what I read on here and generally it is usually the Father that is the one to move out.

I think it's unusual. But that's what happened when my brother and his wife divorced.

I don’t think it’s unusual for mum to move out because she can’t afford the former marital home on her own after she buys out her ex.

The typical scenario is that the mother will be providing the majority of childcare and as such will likely be the one to stay in the family home, although that may only be temporary until the property is sold off. But that's by no means the only possible outcome or even necessarily the best one. It all depends on the circumstances.

I think in the case of relatively financially stable couples, yes the mother often stays int he family home and is also primary carer.

where there's less financial stability and/or financial abuse, the mother moves out even if she still has the DC most of the time. The father may also move out if they can't afford to keep the marital home and another home for the mother and children.

That’s what I’ve done. I do wonder if I have made the right choice with so many memories attached to the family home. I miss it a lot but I also have a fresh start in a new place. I am at a disadvantage when it comes to how close it is to my oldests school and friends (I’m not that far away but far enough) I probably made a big mistake.

I’m sure more mothers remain in the family home, but I know two mums that did move out.

I worry I will be judged for being the one to move out.

Well, if it’s not all finalised, the advice would probably be to move back in

I moved out..no regrets. I hated the house and everything it represented. He kept it and bought me out. I rented my own place for. While and then bought with new partner.ten times happier now.

I left the marital home as I was leaving an abusive marriage. In addition, I couldn’t afford the mortgage alone and I (correctly) didn’t trust him to assist in paying it

Surely you have more important things to worry about than people judging you?

It was rented.

Let them judge you, who gives a fuck what they think! You do what you need to do for you and your dc@BloodyHellKenn no one gets to judge, they have no idea!

I know a few mothers who left as did I from an abusive marriage before the kids grew..My preference was to leave and start again, wasn't easy the first year but after that once finances,work,etc we're all sorted it was easy. I didn't want all the hassle and agro of who stays in house or him refusing to leave

Yes! That’s exactly what I did. I didn’t want the fight over who got to stay in the family home. Ex made a big deal about how he had never had a proper home growing up and how this was his first ever proper home etc. I didn’t want him using it as a weapon that I took his home away. Although he now uses it as a weapon that I left.

I think it is unusual although when my parents divorced it was my mum who moved out and we stayed at home with my dad.

My partner was also the one who stayed in the family home with his child and the childs mother moved out.

Do what works for you, and for your DC. As you've found out, an ex that want's something to use as a weapon, will always be able to find something.

People will judge you, let them. Anyone that knows you and loves you will not.

Well, if it’s not rented, I wouldn’t worry about it then.

Did they share custody?

I stayed with ds initially and ex moved out until I could get myself and ds set up with somewhere for the two of us. Then stbxh moved back in pending the sale of the house.

I moved out as exh made it very clear that he wasn't going to nor would he sell up as I was "breaking up the family", he bought me out. It's slightly further from kids friends and schools which has caused issues but its kind of settled now. Mainly love my "new" place and don't miss the old one!

My dad encouraged us to see our mum but we didn't really go.

My partners ex is an alocholic who went long periods of time without seeing the child.

So totally different scenario to sharing custody i suppose.

just adding @BloodyHellKenn that I have 50:50 custody but in the summer it’s more like 60:40.

Sorry to hear you didn’t see your mum. That’s good that you were close to your Dad though.

“My dad encouraged us to see our mum but we didn't really go.” (That’s what worries me will happen with mine as they love the family home) 🏠