DIY Divorce (husband insisting)

[BroomBroomStick]

Separated from ex husband and living separately. From the very beginning he was adamant that we have a clean break and a DIY divorce, just sorting everything out ourselves. I didn’t want a fight whist still living together so I agreed that we would sort it ourselves.

He keeps insisting that I promise him that we will sort everything out just the two of us. If I show even a tiny bit of doubt or like today tell him that we both need to concentrate on getting our children used to our new set up before we even think about that (it’s only been a few weeks and I’ve been in a bad place) - he becomes angry and gives me the silent treatment. He said today that he “doesn’t like the sound of that” (my telling him I haven’t the headspace to think about that right now) and that I’m “up to something”

I will be seeking legal advice as I would be a fool not too but I know that he would give me hell if he found out I had spoken to a solicitor, he would also potentially go “nuclear” and try to fight dirty even if I only sought advice. It feels a bit like he is attempting to intimidate me into agreeing to seek no legal advice.

We have 2 children under 16
No property
We both have pensions, mine tiny as I’ve been the main carer for many years.
Inheritance - my parents are elderly, his much younger.

If there is a significant salary difference it could make a difference. But a simple application will sort that out.

In this case I think the OP has a lot of dissonance about her decisions. She has another post asking whether she should approach this man for half the cost of an Xbox for the older son. She is going round in circles. And whilst a lot of the advice is well meaning it is just acting to keep the OP spinning.

They do have issues to resolve and the OP has the choice to do that with or without lawyers. The reality seems to be that they don’t have much money and paying lawyers could end up costing a lot more than what gets divided up.

You need a financial order with a clean break. Once that is agreed and sealed neither of you (other than child maintenance) has a claim on the other for a change in financial circumstance. So you can the inherited and he has no claim.
The teenager can choose where they live and how much contact. The 9 year old’s contact should be agreed.

And yes get a lawyer. Limit contact, and the DLA is for which child? The money is for them not either parent.

@BroomBroomStick

Only if you don't go for a full financial clean break which is why a solicitor is essential.

The DLA should be paid into a separate account and used for the child only, it's not to subsidise household costs.

Let him. Get a parenting app for the shared care of kids. He can communicate with your solicitor, and block him everywhere else.

And pensions are assets, you're entitled to have them split equally or even in your favour if you have stepped away from career opportunities to look after kids.

Just for clarity - is there a reason you've never mentioned spousal maintenance? If you were the main carer I assume he earns a lot more than you as your earnings are depressed by years of not working and the age of your kids suggests a long marriage? Spousal maintenance is kind of made for this sort of situation.

You need to keep track of all of this.
Reimbursing you for household expenses is clearly not CM!

Definitely use a solicitor, he has already shown you that he can't be trusted.

Good luck 💐

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