Hi op. I’m sorry to read this. I was put in an almost identical situation by my ex. One DC had just turned 2 and I had just found out I was pregnant with DC 2. He had only been acting off for about 2 months and I was completely blindsided. He moved out and stayed with friends and yes there was someone on the scene from work.
I completely understand how vulnerable and in shock you must be feeling. This was 15 years ago for me and I still remember the crippling emotional pain and sadness I felt. You can’t change your feelings about him overnight can you. You have been with this man who sounds largely decent for many years and your heart needs time to catch up with what your head already knows.
If I was you I would try my best to stay put in the house for as long as you can. You are no doubt feeling too raw to be making big practical stressful decisions right now. So if you can then speak with him and say you can’t contemplate any sort of house move or big changes for the next 18 months. Presumably he entered into this willingly so he owes it to his DC and their mother to not put you under any more stress when he’s already done quite enough.
Do you have a support network around you? I don’t have much family nearby but relied very heavily on friends. They were invaluable. (And his family)
I couldn’t face him being at the scans or the birth. He lost that opportunity. I had my 2 best friends as birthing partners and it was amazing. They were so much more use than he had been at the first
I desperately wanted to get back with him whilst I was pregnant but now I realise that I could never love a man who did that to me. I was just so scared of going through the whole thing alone and having 2 DC on my own. You can do it.
I was in no way strong enough when in shock and pregnant to think about legalities. However I did just book one appointment with a family solicitor to see where I stood. I roped a friend into coming with me. She asked all of the questions we had prepared and wrote down the answers whilst I cried throughout.
I promise you that even though things seem insurmountable now and you can barely function. You will be ok.
My DCs are now 18 and 15 and never thought in those early days we would come out the other side.
Its very hard to not be completely overwhelmed by emotions but as someone said to me on here.. ‘ keep contact to official business / handing over of DCs only. And when you see him - try your best to see him as the father of your children and nothing more. It worked sometimes.
I was so worried about my stress levels in pregnancy and if it would affect the baby but he was honestly the happiest most chilled baby ever. In time the fact that I was pregnant started to feel like a positive. He brought so much joy into an otherwise shit situation. I hope the same happens for you. Good luck. You will get there.