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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband leaving when im 6 months pregnant and have a toddler

57 replies

Mumto21234 · 31/07/2025 12:52

Will try to keep this short, however.. I am 6 months pregnant and for last month husband has been acting off. Found out he has been messaging someone he used to work with, and he has told me he no longer loves me and we have no future. We also have an 18 month old together. I'm devastated and have no idea what to do. We have a house together which he has moved out of, and has agreed to keep paying his share of the bills. However I will be going on maternity leave and won't have any income from end of year so any money I have ill need to pay current house or for a deposit for new house.

No idea how to come to terms with this or what to do next.

Have told a couple of very close people but just feel completely lost and overwhelmed.

We had a great relationship for over 14 years and this is completely out of character for him, although he now hardly speaks to me and I feel so confused.

OP posts:
Bienbien · 01/08/2025 18:17

I’m so sorry OP.

my husband left me three mo this ago. I have two dc in primary school. It’s devastating. Initially he denied affair. Everyone on mums et told me he was lying. Turns out he was. There was another woman.

I completely understand that you are finding it hard to reconcile this awful man with the man you married. I went through the same thing. But believe what he is showing you. Dissociate from him. He is no longer your friend. This is really really important to understand. Don’t trust anything sweet he says. He has an agenda and that is to get rid of you as quickly and as painlessly (for him) as possible. Protect yourself and your kids. Don’t let shame or politeness or residual love to impact your decision making.

Original poster
Mumto21234 · 01/08/2025 19:40

Thanks everyone some really helpful advice. Trying to remain as civil and practical as possible about things and start to make a plan for myself and my kids, although its all so scary to try and get my head around especially when I won't have an income soon enough. Really don't want all my savings drained on paying for a house that I ultimately need to sell to trying to sort out timers of selling before baby is born whilst I still have a wage v after when I am using my savings. What a mess.
Can't help but worry that ill end up on my own forever now being divorced with 2 young kids. Not that I am even considering anything like that, but just another worry I suppose.

OP posts:
StillAliveAndKicking · 03/10/2025 18:31

So sorry thus has happened.
Please get legal advice ASAP and get a plan sorted.
Do not rely on him being trustworthy, we don't know anything about his new life and if he decides to suddenly have a baby with the new woman your settlement will be compromised esp if you don't have anything agreed (even if it does eventually have to be reworked) Also, it amazes me as to what woman would ever welcome a new man who leaves his pregnant wife without wondering if he'd do the same to her (he would of course).

He's acted very poorly. Wake up and get yourself sorted with a financial plan, pull in your fam, friends etc and look ahead to welcoming you're lovely new baby
Hugs and good luck xxxx

Original poster
Mumto21234 · 03/10/2025 20:38

StillAliveAndKicking · 03/10/2025 18:31

So sorry thus has happened.
Please get legal advice ASAP and get a plan sorted.
Do not rely on him being trustworthy, we don't know anything about his new life and if he decides to suddenly have a baby with the new woman your settlement will be compromised esp if you don't have anything agreed (even if it does eventually have to be reworked) Also, it amazes me as to what woman would ever welcome a new man who leaves his pregnant wife without wondering if he'd do the same to her (he would of course).

He's acted very poorly. Wake up and get yourself sorted with a financial plan, pull in your fam, friends etc and look ahead to welcoming you're lovely new baby
Hugs and good luck xxxx

@StillAliveAndKicking thank you. Still plodding on waiting on babies arrival any day, and honestly still in shock at it all. Immediate family and very close friends know, and have support of some of his family who I am close to.

I expect the next few months will.be a roller coaster navigating life with a new baby and moving forward with separation. I look forward to getting to the other side of it all one day.

OP posts:
Squishydishy · 03/10/2025 21:33

Mumto21234 · 03/10/2025 20:38

@StillAliveAndKicking thank you. Still plodding on waiting on babies arrival any day, and honestly still in shock at it all. Immediate family and very close friends know, and have support of some of his family who I am close to.

I expect the next few months will.be a roller coaster navigating life with a new baby and moving forward with separation. I look forward to getting to the other side of it all one day.

Show quote history

You sound so strong and brave! You will look back and be amazed how resilient you are

Onwards1 · 13/10/2025 20:24

I’m so sorry you are going this through. My husband announced he’d been having an affair and was leaving when I was 8 months pregnant - I completely understand the horrific range of emotions you are feeling. I also struggled with understanding how the person I loved the most in the world could end up being the person who did this to me. I assumed he would be there for the baby (as he said) - but he wasn’t, and his mind quickly turned to money and paying as little as possible to us and the baby (incredibly stressful when on maternity leave, as you say). Don’t rely on him behaving like a good human being - he has proved he is not one with his actions. It’s just you and your children now - he is not on your side.

Sending you so much strength and I am here if you ever want to chat (my baby is almost 1 and things are better now the shock has subsided) xx

Original poster
Mumto21234 · 13/10/2025 20:40

Onwards1 · 13/10/2025 20:24

I’m so sorry you are going this through. My husband announced he’d been having an affair and was leaving when I was 8 months pregnant - I completely understand the horrific range of emotions you are feeling. I also struggled with understanding how the person I loved the most in the world could end up being the person who did this to me. I assumed he would be there for the baby (as he said) - but he wasn’t, and his mind quickly turned to money and paying as little as possible to us and the baby (incredibly stressful when on maternity leave, as you say). Don’t rely on him behaving like a good human being - he has proved he is not one with his actions. It’s just you and your children now - he is not on your side.

Sending you so much strength and I am here if you ever want to chat (my baby is almost 1 and things are better now the shock has subsided) xx

Yeah its such a confusing state to be in, and I still sometimes have hope that the decent person i thought I knew still exists and he will do the right thing by the kids but continue to be disappointed. The level of selfishness is something else.

How are you coping now? And how is co parenting going?

I am due any day really so feel like I am living in limbo for the time being which isn't ideal, but I suppose it hopefully gives me more time to process things and get my head around everything before baby comes.

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 14/10/2025 01:40

I find it difficult to get my head around such extreme selfishness.

sending strength and hope the birth won’t be too traumatic. Will you have someone with you?

Onwards1 · 14/10/2025 07:43

I really hope that your birth will be a smooth one and you have someone who can support you through it and be your cheer leader - I had my sister and it made a big difference to my experience. It is such a confusing, devastating mix of emotions bringing your baby into the world while experiencing trauma - I’m sending you so much love, be kind to yourself and rely on your family and friends as much as you can.

My husband was around a fair bit at the start, but it became clear early on I would be raising our child solo - he had a girlfriend to take up his time now and our baby was never his priority. I’ll never understand the change in him (from a very excited dad to be) and the selfishness never went away so I was continually disappointed for months. I hope that doesn’t happen for you but if it does - you will get through this.

Things are better than they were - I’ve had a lot of therapy and it’s made the biggest difference to my life. If you can, make this a priority. There is so much anger, shock, disappointment, and a million other emotions to process - and therapy helps to work through those.

It is exhausting but my baby brings me joy every day. One day at a time OP, us women are strong - and happier times will come for us both.

Enrichetta · 14/10/2025 08:23

he had a girlfriend to take up his time now…

I will never understand how a woman can take up with a man who has a pregnant wife/partner and is about to become a father.

surprisebaby12 · 14/10/2025 08:32

I’d suggest planning for your move to independence to be after maternity leave. Have clear expectations with him about his role in that, and try to keep your longer term moves private. Definitely get a lawyer involved.

Re him moving on, it’s exactly what most men do to try to fill the huge gap they’ve created in their lives. Unfortunately, even if they’ve been widowed after 30+ years, many jump into serious relationships almost immediately. It’s baffling and senseless, but ultimately they lose all that history and security and can’t actually pretend it’s there with someone new. He’s a cliche and it’s pathetic imo.

Timeforabitofpeace · 14/10/2025 08:34

Jesus these blokes who create kids and babies, then fuck off for the next woman, should pay through the nose. It’s outrageous they are so irresponsible, and so many get away with it she’ll move on again soon, no doubt.

Aliksa · 14/10/2025 08:40

Timeforabitofpeace · 14/10/2025 08:34

Jesus these blokes who create kids and babies, then fuck off for the next woman, should pay through the nose. It’s outrageous they are so irresponsible, and so many get away with it she’ll move on again soon, no doubt.

I agree - in a just world there’d be a massive financial and social penalty for this kind of behaviour. Walking out on a pregnant wife and a toddler ffs. Can you imagine doing that to anyone? I can’t comprehend how you could do that to someone you once claimed to love enough to marry them.

OP I hope you have an easy labour and the most beautiful baby , sending you strengths and best wishes

Original poster
Mumto21234 · 14/10/2025 09:02

Thanks all. I am both terrified and so excited to meet this new baby. Terrified at the reality of having to do it mainly alone with a toddler in toe, and excited for this wee bundle of joy to give me more focus.

I am allowing him to be at the birth. I suspect I will look back on my decisions and judge that I have been too accommodating of him, but I know my conscience will be clear, and my morals intact. I honestly don't know if its the right thing to do, but there isn't anyone else specifically I would choose to be there with me.

There is also still a part of me, albeit only at times now, that has empathy/compassion for his pain which i can't get my head around. I know exactly how I would be thinking/acting if this happened to a close friend, but I suppose thats me thinking about who I thought he was.

How someone can change overnight like this baffles me, especially when this was a very much wanted and planned for family, right up until weeks before it all came out.

I am still living at home although plan to sell early next year and I will potentially move in with relatives for a short period of time whilst I try to get a mortgage although will still be on mat leave at the time.

OP posts:
Hellogoodbyehowdoyoudo · 14/10/2025 09:16

You absolutely have zero obligation to allow him to be at the birth. You can change your mind if you wish, no guilt. He took away the privilege to be at the birth when he left you.

Onwards1 · 14/10/2025 10:41

Your two little ones will help you through it. It truly is baffling, I will never understand what happened to my husband either.

Just remember that the man you loved is gone - and he is now someone who does not have your best interests at heart. Save yourself the additional heartache and don’t expect him to return to the man you knew. You need to do what’s best only for yourself and your children now.

CleanShirt · 14/10/2025 10:46

@Mumto21234 the book Runaway Husbands really helped me when my exh suddenly up and left. I hope it does for you too. I'm so sorry you're going through this x

CoffeeSparkle · 14/10/2025 10:56

If he's there at the birth, then you get to tell your child (or show them photos) when they're older, of how he was there at the birth. That may well be important to them, whatever he chooses to do later.

rainbowstardrops · 14/10/2025 11:02

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation right now but I hope your birth will be smooth and you have a beautiful baby to focus on soon.

Livpool · 14/10/2025 12:27

What a vile piece of shit he is. Lots of luck to you OP for the birth of your child. You are stronger than you think

Livpool · 14/10/2025 12:28

CoffeeSparkle · 14/10/2025 10:56

If he's there at the birth, then you get to tell your child (or show them photos) when they're older, of how he was there at the birth. That may well be important to them, whatever he chooses to do later.

The one leaving them in the lurch (the dad) can do that. OP owes him nothing

Timeforabitofpeace · 14/10/2025 12:40

Men are supposed to be only at the birth to support the woman. He’s no support. Tell him
he can bugger off. Birth is not a spectator sport.

Original poster
Mumto21234 · 14/10/2025 12:57

Onwards1 · 14/10/2025 10:41

Your two little ones will help you through it. It truly is baffling, I will never understand what happened to my husband either.

Just remember that the man you loved is gone - and he is now someone who does not have your best interests at heart. Save yourself the additional heartache and don’t expect him to return to the man you knew. You need to do what’s best only for yourself and your children now.

Any tips on seeing him for who he is now and not who I thought he was?
It is terrifying to have been with a stranger for so long and have had no idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumto21234 · 14/10/2025 13:00

I completely agree with what all of you are saying. And I can see that some of my decisions/things I have let slip have been based on my experience of him foe the years previous to what he has most recently done. Its really difficult to accept who he is now, I wish I could change my perspective to that of someone not involved.
Even his parents can see him for what he has done more than I can, it is exhausting. Although I do think I, almost fully, accept there is no going back and I am actively looking at planning for a future just me and the kids.

Its just not what I wanted for my life, but alas these are the cards I have been dealt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumto21234 · 14/10/2025 13:01

CleanShirt · 14/10/2025 10:46

@Mumto21234 the book Runaway Husbands really helped me when my exh suddenly up and left. I hope it does for you too. I'm so sorry you're going through this x

I did buy this and have read some of it, it has helped and also been frightening to see this pattern play out again and again. Nice to know im not alone, but my god how do you ever trust someone again?!

OP posts:
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