Husband leaving when im 6 months pregnant and have a toddler

[Mumto21234]

Will try to keep this short, however.. I am 6 months pregnant and for last month husband has been acting off. Found out he has been messaging someone he used to work with, and he has told me he no longer loves me and we have no future. We also have an 18 month old together. I'm devastated and have no idea what to do. We have a house together which he has moved out of, and has agreed to keep paying his share of the bills. However I will be going on maternity leave and won't have any income from end of year so any money I have ill need to pay current house or for a deposit for new house.

No idea how to come to terms with this or what to do next.

Have told a couple of very close people but just feel completely lost and overwhelmed.

We had a great relationship for over 14 years and this is completely out of character for him, although he now hardly speaks to me and I feel so confused.

As suggested, get legal advice.

When my exh cheated on me the most valuable advice I received was that 'your DH is no longer on your team'. He is on his own team now and will no longer be looking at what is best for you. You have to do that job now. Also stop thinking the best of him because any man that can leave a pregnant wife and a toddler is scum. You are thinking about how he used to be l, not how he is behaving now. Don't trust him any more. Get good legal advice and follow it. Put in CMS claim to protect your dc's interest.

Hi I am so sorry, my ex fiance left me at 8months pregnant the betrayal is awful when you ar esp vulnerable.
speak to a lawyer.
you will either need proper child maintenance from him so you can stay off work or you go back part time and he has goes down to part time and cares for his baby.
get a counsellor now.
Boundaries. Don’t talk to him at all about your feelings etc seek help elsewhere. Look after yourself. Don’t have him at scans or the birth etc

i know nothing about your current situation feels lucky, but I can’t begin to tell you how jealous I am of you that you will have two children, siblings, who have the same dad (so only one man to coparent etc with). I have one toddler and am desperate for another but too untrusting of men to date at the moment and will probably be too old by the time I’m ready to date. This baby is a blessing however his cowardly unfaithful father is behaving.

Op PLEASE DONT HAVE HIM AT THE BIRTH
you will be so vulnerable and crying in pain you need someone who loves you deeply and cares about your wellbeing - this is a major medical event for you. You need to be mothered too. If you ‘feel bad for him’ then let him be waiting at the hospital, but the birthing partner is there to support you feel safe and calm and soothed not to just witness the baby being born. He has lost all rights to be anywhere near your vagina.

I thought this too, so I invited my ex into hospital to meet baby and have a photo. He certainly wasn’t there during my delivery, my loved ones were.

a future child give two shits about whether dad was ‘allowed’ In the delivery room or not, so don’t dare put this pressure on op. IF they ever asked later, op can say ‘no I had auntie Susan when me i felt more comfortable with her while I was pushing, then daddy came to meet you after’ just how babies have traditionally been born for millennia before this one.
the young foetus/ newborn needs a mother who is as calm and well supported as is possible for the hormones to work properly.

ps he still needs to work for this baby. His jobs can be things like - taking bottles away every day and bringing them back sterilized, taking all children’s washing away, dropping off meals for the toddler, taking toddler to and from nursery, doing your supermarket shopping for you etc

There is a part of me glad I found out once I was already pregnant as always wanted a sibling for our current DC, so that is a blessing in the long run.

I appreciate the comments re not having him at the birth, however do feel its the right thing to do. However have given myself the right to change my mind at any point if I choose to do so.

Re CS he is still paying towards mortgage etc just now which is more than I would get for CS, so not a route to go down for now but is something I have already looked into so I know where I will stand.

I wish I could understand the psychology of how someone could change like that, I suspect its a lot of small lies to themselves that become more and more palatable, and then those who are the victim of the affair appear to become the enemy in their eyes. Its mind bending.
I have vowed to myself to not lower myself to playing games and to keep my morals intact regardless. This will set a good example for my kids if nothing else, and I know I will feel comfortable with myself knowing I done what I thought was right and fair by my children, my feelings aside.

I wish I could fast forward this next year, to see how I get through it. But instead will do my best to cherish this first year with my 2 kids and just hope I somehow come out of the other side of it stronger.