Divorce agreement - different lawyer advise how I choose

[Whoknowshere]

Sorry for long post but I need some help.
My soon to be ex- husband cheated on me at least with two different women, basically disappearing from me and my two daughters life (7 and 10yo) for the past year an a half.
He travelled for work basically every week, he can do that easily with his job instead of sending people from his team, extending the travel to weekends a loads of time.
I then discovered that sometimes he was not travelling but he was at his mistress house in the city. We had a bit of couple counselling and I hoped it was a fling but we stopped as he did not want anymore and now I just discovered another relationship with another woman, so I will be starting divorce proceedings soon. What is worst on top of the cheating is that he does not tell me plans till last minute, so he says he comes back Friday night from travel, then he texts me he missed his flight and I don’t know when he is back on Saturday till he comes at home. This is causing me a lot of anxiety and I think to the kids too although I try to cover it up with them saying he is looking for a new flight, he stuck somewhere etc etc
i have been talking to a few divorce lawyers and their advice is very different. One lawyer tells me I will be entitled to child maintenance and probably my own maintenance as our income is very much different - I work full time but he earns 6 times more than me so once divorced I won’t be able to keep the same lifestyle for me and the kids. Also I did not progress in my career as I am doing all the childcare and I have been constrained on the roles I could get, while of course he works like if he has no family, travel dinners events early in the morning late in the evening never asking half a day off for any kid activity etc so while we have the same qualifications and we started with the same salary I am now Middle manager and he is very very senior. So this lawyers says I will be entitled to some compensation for that.
I spoke to another lawyer who says it’s 50-50 on house and pension and that’s it, it will super hard for me to ask for anything else. (unfortunately we have a huge mortgage and he has not much pension as he has been moving some savings abroad for years and he spends a lot every month on sport cars, expensive clothes, plastic surgery, toys like £7k of bike etc so really although he is a high earner he has little savings in the uk and a small pension and we have no other property other than the house with a huge 70% mortgage to still pay)
the first lawyer also tells me that he has a duty versus his daughters so he will need to see them regularly. The judge will probably order him to stay with them every other weekend and every other holidays. This would be great so I can get a break - I have been solo parenting every single day for 2 years now and I am exhausted - and also for kids who adore him and really really would love to have some time with him, especially the eldest does everything for him when he is at home, which is heartbreaking. the other lawyer tells me there is no such thing and he might decide to disappear from their life and see them when he likes. I know he would love that so he can decide last minute and just mess all my plans and he can cancel last minute any plan which I know will destroy the kids.
who is right? How can 2 lawyers advise me so differently? They are so expensive and I really don’t want to pay for a third one.
do I select the lawyer who tells me I have more rights and fights for me or are they just after a long separation battle to get more money? Do I get with the lawyer who says the kids and I are entitled to the minimum so it is a Quick divorce but ofc my life would be way way worst for the kids practically (small house, no holidays, looking at each pound) and emotionally with no father, which I am very very worried about, especially for my eldest who adores him and she is very very fragile psychologically (and I don’t have money to support her for counselling while now he is paying for it).
any experience?

His behaviour unfortunately is utterly irrelevant to the divorce settlement op

How long married?
length of marriage is considered

It sounds like you've hit on the two most extreme positions any two divorce lawyers can possibly take. I'd personally want one somewhere between the two. I wouldn't want a protracted battle for an unachievable settlement but I wouldn't want to throw the towel in before it's even begun, either.

50/50 is a starting point and then other considerations are taken into account so the one who says it is just 50/50 all the time is wrong

take the other one being aware that 65/35 is probably not a bad outcome and the house will need to be sold

Go with the optimistic one.

I would go with the optimistic one for the money but no court can make a man who doesn’t want to see his children see them. So I can’t see how she’s right on that.

You need to divorce him quickly - he already has one foot out of the door if he is moving money abroad. You need copies of all the statements and financial stuff you can find. Don't set your heart on getting a break in the holidays- he is most unlikely to want to do that much parenting. Your daughters mental health may improve when she is no longer fawning over an unreliable parent - poor child
65:35 wouldn't be a terrible outcome - there's more to life than a big house - emotional security is priceless

How much does he earn? Spousal maintenance is almost unheard of now except for super high earners.

Both are shit and blatantly wrong. Find a better lawyer. No court can force him to see the children, only force you to make them available sothe 2nd is right on that first is wrong but also divorce is not necessarily 50/50 on assets either so the 2nd is wrong. Keep searching.

It will really cone down to the assets available. If 50:50 provides for your needs ( both of you) then it’s likely that a settlement would be reached near that give or take. Spousal is increasingly rare and usually courts world try to not go this route, possibly granting you slightly more assets. Unless he’s v high earner it won’t be considered at all. Gone are the days of expecting to maintain your precious lifestyle with the ex finding it.

ultimately it will based in

your ages
length of marriage
Ages of children
both your incomes and income potential
the assets available

if you’re income is enough to provide needs along with 50% of assets the settlement is unlikely to be much varied from that ( maybe up yo 60:40)

his behaviour and reason for divorce is irrelevant

people telling you what they got % wise is often unhelpful as it really depends on the size of pot and your income

The advice re him being forced to see the children is very odd unless you have misunderstood somehow? This simply isn’t legally possible.

You will certainly be entitled to child maintenance if you have the children more than 50% of the time. If he earns over £150k you may get more by going through courts than the CMS maximum on the online calculator.

You will almost certainly get at least 50% joint assets if in England & Wales and barring factors like having a pre-nup.

Anything else is uncertain and can vary between different courts / judges. With a very high earning spouse and limited marital assets you may well get some spousal maintenance but not something to bank on. And if he suddenly quits his job or moves abroad you might not see much of it.

I get it. But how I know which one of the lawyers is correct? How can it be that a lawyer tells me I can get a good financial settlement due to the circumstances and get him to agree to regularly see kids and another who says I will only get half of the house (which is really 15% as I can’t afford the mortgage so once we sell it I only get half of what we paid so far) and half of his small pension and he will pay the minimum to child maintenance and he might decide not to see the kids regularly but just when he fancies without making plans and I need to accept it?

There is no correct as neither knows what will happen but you seem to have one who wants to get the best deal possible and one who is just going for the easy option

Op you had a quick chat, very high level and theoretical, with two solicitors

come on…. This will depend upon so much. They gave you a very high level answer and I’m guessing they weren’t even being paid.

ask around for recommendations (an anonymous post on local Facebook parenting group asking for recommendations?) and go from there

What does he earn? What do you earn? And what assets are there?

the answers to those will determine what solicitor and how much you should Spend ‘fighting’ for stuff they simply isn’t there

I paid them both for 2 hours of their time. I submitted all financial info I am aware of. I asked in Facebook groups for names and both came recommended by several ppl.

correct and I am wondering why.
I have no experience of working with lawyers and I don’t know anyone who is divorced. All our friends and parents of our kids’ friends are still together.
why a lawyer should go for the easy option? Have they seen many very similar cases and they are been honest?
likewise, if a lawyer wants to fight it is because they want to get more money?
I have no idea. I don’t want to fight tbh but I know I will be short changed as he already told me he won’t give me much and his family has a story of ppl divorced where they left the wives with nothing and I feel I should do it for my daughters…. I am torn

I earn an average manager salary and he earns 6 times my salary. We have paid 30% of a 4 bed terraced house in an average area of London and we both put something in pension but I think I might have put more so probably I will have to end up paying him, although I am the lower earner.
in the end the financial aspect is not even very important I can pay rent and food for my kids if we are careful. We won’t have holidays, a car, or any extra really but I think they will get used to it.
I am more interested if I can make him spend time with the kids regularly so they see me and I get some time to build up my life, as at the moment he really leaves me doing all the parenting. I am getting mixed messages.

See someone else to see what they say 🤷‍♀️ and find someone who fits you as it were. Things are fluid but there is a process which has to be followed.

You can get a court order which entitles him to set days with the children but you can't force him to take that time. So in a sense both lawyers are right on this - there will be a court order but there is nothing to make him follow that order.

I am more interested if I can make him spend time with the kids regularly so they see me and I get some time to build up my life

No, you can't. A court can order you to make them available for contact at certain times and hours, e.g. every Wednesday after school and every other Saturday at 10am, but they can't compell him to pick them up. I very much doubt the second solicitor said that they could.

You can’t force him to see the children

sime lawyers do not give realistic outcomes and you can spend a fortune in both money time and emotional stress fighting

what are your actual salaries and what’s the value of assets. It’s sounds like he’s. Very high earner - if he is that makes a difference

I am more interested if I can make him spend time with the kids regularly so they see me and I get some time to build up my life

op, really?

you want to force child contact.

Thankfully no court in the land will do this

but it is quite disturbing you’d like it to

1. there is no law saying you will get to maintain a lifestyle. The focus is addressing ‘reasonable needs’. If you have a joint bank account, slowly take out as much money as possible
2. you will get child maintenance, possibly some spousal too
3. no judge will force your husband to see the children alternate weekends. You need to establish what he wants

on balance lawyer no2 knows case law / direction of things better

What if I also don’t want to see them? What happens to the kids?
in Switzerland both parents have a duty to provide equally for the kids, financially and time wise. They are ordered to both contribute equally and both spend time. Parents have duties towards their kids. It is not disturbing, I come from a country where this happens as the week wing of the kids is put before.
I am still coming to term that in this country a father or a mother do not have any obligation to spend time with their own kids. What if I walk away and he also walks away? no court can order us to stay with our kids what happens to them? I understand if we renounce them but as far as we are the legal guardians how can we just walk away?
the first lawyer I spoke to told me there is such a duty in the uk too, but I need to ask better. I read if dads who barely see their kids and send few hundreds pounds a month.. still retaining legal rights towards the kids.. it does not happen in other countries.