Divorce agreement - different lawyer advise how I choose

[Whoknowshere]

Sorry for long post but I need some help.
My soon to be ex- husband cheated on me at least with two different women, basically disappearing from me and my two daughters life (7 and 10yo) for the past year an a half.
He travelled for work basically every week, he can do that easily with his job instead of sending people from his team, extending the travel to weekends a loads of time.
I then discovered that sometimes he was not travelling but he was at his mistress house in the city. We had a bit of couple counselling and I hoped it was a fling but we stopped as he did not want anymore and now I just discovered another relationship with another woman, so I will be starting divorce proceedings soon. What is worst on top of the cheating is that he does not tell me plans till last minute, so he says he comes back Friday night from travel, then he texts me he missed his flight and I don’t know when he is back on Saturday till he comes at home. This is causing me a lot of anxiety and I think to the kids too although I try to cover it up with them saying he is looking for a new flight, he stuck somewhere etc etc
i have been talking to a few divorce lawyers and their advice is very different. One lawyer tells me I will be entitled to child maintenance and probably my own maintenance as our income is very much different - I work full time but he earns 6 times more than me so once divorced I won’t be able to keep the same lifestyle for me and the kids. Also I did not progress in my career as I am doing all the childcare and I have been constrained on the roles I could get, while of course he works like if he has no family, travel dinners events early in the morning late in the evening never asking half a day off for any kid activity etc so while we have the same qualifications and we started with the same salary I am now Middle manager and he is very very senior. So this lawyers says I will be entitled to some compensation for that.
I spoke to another lawyer who says it’s 50-50 on house and pension and that’s it, it will super hard for me to ask for anything else. (unfortunately we have a huge mortgage and he has not much pension as he has been moving some savings abroad for years and he spends a lot every month on sport cars, expensive clothes, plastic surgery, toys like £7k of bike etc so really although he is a high earner he has little savings in the uk and a small pension and we have no other property other than the house with a huge 70% mortgage to still pay)
the first lawyer also tells me that he has a duty versus his daughters so he will need to see them regularly. The judge will probably order him to stay with them every other weekend and every other holidays. This would be great so I can get a break - I have been solo parenting every single day for 2 years now and I am exhausted - and also for kids who adore him and really really would love to have some time with him, especially the eldest does everything for him when he is at home, which is heartbreaking. the other lawyer tells me there is no such thing and he might decide to disappear from their life and see them when he likes. I know he would love that so he can decide last minute and just mess all my plans and he can cancel last minute any plan which I know will destroy the kids.
who is right? How can 2 lawyers advise me so differently? They are so expensive and I really don’t want to pay for a third one.
do I select the lawyer who tells me I have more rights and fights for me or are they just after a long separation battle to get more money? Do I get with the lawyer who says the kids and I are entitled to the minimum so it is a Quick divorce but ofc my life would be way way worst for the kids practically (small house, no holidays, looking at each pound) and emotionally with no father, which I am very very worried about, especially for my eldest who adores him and she is very very fragile psychologically (and I don’t have money to support her for counselling while now he is paying for it).
any experience?

Thanks - I need to think if I want to embark on a really fight or not. I might ask another lawyer at this point

Oh dear

poor children

if you walked away and he walked away then your kids would simply end up in the care system. Neither of you would be forced to see your children or be responsible for looking after them,

so no court in the world will force him to have them. What they can do is force YOU to make sure they’re available for collection based on whatever contact schedule is put in place. If he then doesnt turn up or cancels at last minute it’s tough on you as whatever plans you make will also then get cancelled.

so it comes down basically to the financial settlement and that will depend on the factors I’ve outlined

Kindly you have to work to a solution in the laws of the land you are divorcing in.

So if a father doesn't collect his children for contact in Switzerland, the police frog march him to a room and lock him up with the children until it's mum's turn again, do they?

This is what the Op clearly hopes!

Jeez, OP would you force your kids to spend time with a parent to doesn’t want them? Have you considered how this could potentially lead to abuse?

Obviously not, same as if you don’t send your kids to school the police does not come to your house and force them to school… they would investigate, can fine the parent, social service intervenes etc.
as a parent has the duty to feed, house, send to school their kids in this country, and if they don’t there are repercussions up to lose the legal guardianship, the idea is if you want to retain your legal parentship you need to contribute financially and spend time with them. If you don’t want you renounce to any legal right. so if the parents does not want them he looses any legal right on them.
it seems weird to me and very bad for the kids that a parent is allowed to see their own kids when they please or nothing at all and still remain legally their parent. How is this fair for the other parent and the kids themselves?
lets see even the mum walks away, then they go to an institute, would both parents still retain legal guardianship? It is so bizarre.
anyway I am getting more info on the legal system here and will follow it, but I am shocked on the lack of rights for the parent who stays more with the kids and for the kids themselves, I have been also looking at the maintenance and it is v v low…
a father/mother can walk away paying £200-300 a month and never seeing their kids but still they can decide on key things. The parent who stays with them has to pay for basically everything (bigger rent as the house needs a room more, clothes, food, activities bar a £300-400 per month) and also either work less or pay for a babysitter to be able to work so they would even be disadvantaged financially compared to someone who has no caring responsibilities. Pls tell me how this is fair.
it it totally not like that in other countries

The thing is in the UK the central consideration are the rights of children. Both parents can be forced to support them financially.
They have a right to contact with both parents (in almost all cases). But no one forces a reluctant parent as it is seen as potentially more harmful for them. As they get older they get more say in how much contact they have.

but there is a financial implication that if contact doesn’t happen then the financial contribution could be increased (eg if 50:50 contact is actually 80:20).

How can the maintenance be very low if he’s a senior position and earns 6x what you do ?

usually housing needs are the same as both parents need same space to house children ( even if one has them more often) and what you’re describing is where cms comes in.

If he earns 6x you the child maintenance is not 200-300 a month

Ask on here for recommendations, just say which is your nearest big city.

a father/mother can walk away paying £200-300 a month and never seeing their kids but still they can decide on key things.

if he’s a very high earner on 6x your salary op, safe to say you’ll be in receipt of far more that £200-300 a month

I receive £1400 for my two.

It isn't.
That's exactly why she posted.

With regard to him having affairs

it is utterly irrelevant to the divorce settlement

Hi OP you need a good lawyer what’s your location I can send you details on here of good family lawyers in your area

Actually, yes. That's true.

I see what you and @Merciboc meant now.

Well yes, I know it’s true

I am in London, happy to contact anyone in central London.
thank you!!!
yes apparently csm does not apply to him as he is above the threshold. Both lawyers told me that it is up to the judge, some just extend the csm others just come up with a figure. What is clear is he will be better off and me and the kids will be worst off apparently, but to be seen

🙄

csm just won’t get involved in amounts over £150k

but below £150k they will. So even if he’s on £500k, they WILL get involved up to £150k

and that is a damn sight more than £200 a month

The highest amount of a paying parent's gross weekly income that the CMS can take into account is £3,000. If the paying parent's gross weekly income is more than this, the receiving parent can apply to the court for extra child maintenance.

Who told you that csm won’t get involved because he’s “too high earning”?

they’re talking you bull shit

I had a similar situation. I did get more than 50% of the assets and kept my pension which was worth more than his, as he hadn't regularly paid in.

He wanted to chop and change seeing the kids to fit with his schedule and I said no, it had to be regular so he has every other weekend and one weekday evening and he does mostly see them to this schedule.

I get child maintenance to the CMS amount. It's not true that a high earner doesn't come under this, but there is a cap on how much CMS will order and you have to get a court order for more. My ex did end up paying about 1500 a month tho, even using CMS figures including reduction for the nights he has them.

I didn't get spousal maintenance. I was advised not to bother trying for this, as it's uncommon unless one party is disabled or very close to retirement age. I negotiated the larger chunk of the assets instead. I did this in mediation, held my nerve and eventually he agreed and it never went to court. I was fortunate that we had quite a bit of equity in the house tho and I got 65% of those and I got a mortgage to buy him out. If I hadn't been able to do this I couldn't have stayed in the house and it would have to have been sold.

I used this fact as leverage in mediation to get a larger chunk of the equity as ex was aware he'd get his money quicker if the house didn't have to go on the market.

Having said all this, it's not fair. Ex has carried on with his good career including international travel without ever having to think about childcare. His salary has just risen and risen while mine is static. I am bitter and when I see women saying their DH couldn't do his job without them being at home as a SAHM I'm like - be very careful, he can ditch you tomorrow for the cost of 20% of his monthly salary and never look back. And you'll carry on caring for the children, he knows you will.

Cms does apply but the court will award higher as he’s above 150k. Which means your child maintenance will be in the thousands a month not 2-300

Have a look through these and have some free calls

https://www.legal500.com/c/london/private-client/family