Ex 30 year age gap relationship

[nightmaredaydream]

Ex is 60. Wanting to introduce children to 30 year old new partner with whom he previously had affair. How is this all going to pan out? Why the heck does she even want this? It’s mystifying.

No but shirks his responsibilities and is a big spender (on himself and his lifestyle) so may give the impression of being so

I think a decade age gap is within the realm of realism, right? Thirty years is just a joke!

As you well know, OP cannot make any such demands of her ex, just as he cannot demand the same of her.

@nightmaredaydream sure but it’s not your concern really. Just leave them to it.

And fgs dont bring your kids into it by ridiculous demands about what he can /can’t do.

@nightmaredaydream well you are the pot and she is the kettle!! both as bad as one another, chasing older men!

Well I haven’t been single to “chase older men” for a very long time @allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld but, now I am, maybe I’ll target a nearly 90 year old - which would be the equivalent gap. What a very strange thing for you to focus on!

Also very strange of you to assume I did the chasing

You said you were in your late 40s. How is a nearly 90 year old an equivalent gap?

I think he’s the one who’s “brought the kids into it” by moving in with her and wanting the access with her. But, no, I haven’t made “ridiculous demands” or said that I was going to

I am sure we all understand how you feel about your children spending time with and developing a relationship with OW. However, there is nothing you can do about it.

She is living with him so she will need to develop her own relationship with the children, and they might soon have half siblings who they will love and who will be in their lives forever.

I have had a stepmother, been a stepmother, and my DC have had more than one stepmother. So I have looked at this from all sides. Here’s my advice…

Dont say anything negative about XH, new GF, or their relationship. It’s far preferable if the DC get on well with her.

She might be gone in a few months, she might be around for thirty years. Your role here is to lick your wounds. Swear about the cunty bitch with your mates (when there’s no chance DC will overhear!) This situation is one that requires the moral high ground.

typo - should have said nearly 80 year old

@nightmaredaydream i was referring to the recommendation made by a pp

honestly what difference does her age make? If she was 40 would that be ok ? 50?

just laugh about it to yourself

The thing is, you’re free to date an 80 year old, or a 20 year old, and your ex can’t stop you introducing them to your kids, which is as it should be.

There’s not a lot you can do, other than be the best mum when they are with you.
Also, it could be he’s passing himself off as well off, getting himself in debt, and hiding it.
Next - influencer/financial types. The ones I know do a pyramid selling scheme/course. So the top ones are sitting by a pool in Dubai taking pics of their laptops with the ‘make it work for you’ captions.
It is a house built on sand, you don’t need to wish him ill because the chances of it working are small, and that’s without the age gap.
And even the best kept men do change after 60. At some point she’s going to think… what was I thinking?
It is absolutely fine to be upset.
And they must look ridiculous.

Well, it would be nice just to watch neutrally and laugh but, of course, if he is building sand houses of debt, I/ the kids am affected. I realise 30 is old enough to be capable of mature decisions, but I do feel that OW is just a naive little girl playing “big girl games” with her online advice about family finances - things she’s never had to deal with in reality - and now about to play at step-mum with kids she’s never met

Just hoping they will not become a “prop” for her influencing

I recommend you block both of them from any SM.

kids are not on social media - not old enough. Nor is ex - too old. How do I stop them appearing/ being referenced on someone else’s?

Thanks, yes, I think I will “chase” (thank you previous poster) a 20 year old next! And see if that raises any concerns for my ex

She thinks he is rich I suspect - Maybe when she finds out he isn’t she’ll be less interested!

sadly there isn’t a lot you can do. Get a court order in place and make sure maintenance is arranged and paid.

my dad had an affair with a much younger woman (he’s rich and stupid) Once she had her own baby he wasn’t remotely interested in having me and my sibling which I suspect might happen here. They are keen to play parents to your children every other weekend but when they are doing it all the time with their own child it’ll feel a lot less exciting!

You can’t. And I’m sure if she asked he would allow it anyway.

Sorry I meant block Ex and the GF.

If XH gives his GF permission to post his DC on SM I think you’re stuffed. I would try to rise above it all. Pretend you haven’t even noticed she’s thirty or an influencer. The less you know about it all, the less it will eat away at you.

Well he has clearly got a type l, hasn't he. Your 20 years younger than him and she's 30. Next he'll be picking up teenagers.

Unfortunately, he can do what he likes during his patenting time as long as she's not a safeguarding rsk. It's not in the children's best interest. He should care about their wellbeing more than his ego and his dick but you already know he will priorities his needs above everyone else.

I hope she loses him as she found him.

I’m 12 years younger, which seemed a big gap but now negligible