Ex 30 year age gap relationship

[nightmaredaydream]

Ex is 60. Wanting to introduce children to 30 year old new partner with whom he previously had affair. How is this all going to pan out? Why the heck does she even want this? It’s mystifying.

Presumably your children are adults?

id just let him get on with his life as he sees fit.

No, they are young as I myself am late 40s and wasn’t a young mum! So the plan is now they spend EOW with them

She’ll probably have kids with him next!

Nothing you can do, just let them crack on

How helpful, thanks

Would it be OK if she was 60? If so, I’d just let it go…

It sounds like you are feeling some shock at the situation. Have you been split up with your ex for long?

There is not much you can do about it

They are both adults

They are both mature adults

What she see's in him is entirely up to her

When you divorce you allow the other partner to pursue other relationships

I mean it's quite possible she'll want kids with him if she's in her thirties. Does she already have kids?

You are getting some rather insensitive and frankly silly responses...

Of course you don't want to have to have anything to do with the woman he was cheating with or condone the ridiculousness of a 60 year old dating a 30 year old.

Completely normal.

I would make it clear to him that you don't want your kids to be part of this 'happy family' and that you expect him to see them without her and that she will never be welcome in your house or life.

Of course realistically/legally there is little you can do but that does not mean you need to be silent and pretend you think what he has done is OK.

It’s all awful op. But you have to prepare yourself for much more awful.

she will be wanting a family of her own with him and so will be part of your children’s life.

all you can do is put a shield up and ignore them and get in with your life .

I am quite shocked that he would move in with someone who hasn’t even met his kids and then expect them to live with her every other weekend. No, she doesn’t have any and, yes, I would assume she probably wants some. I wonder if she realises how little he supports these ones! (Separation, not divorce)

And I am concerned that two kids who have gone through a separation already now have to be part of what seems likely to be another car crash

He's skeezy but v little you can do about that. Have you got separation and child maintenance agreements? That should be the priority, securing yours and DC futures.

They won't be the first ones, unfortunately, nor the last. It's so difficult to watch, but ultimately there's nothing you can do other than be stable, predictable and actually centre and prioritise their needs, when the other parent is doing quite the opposite. Take it as it comes, try not to spin off into the future and head off imagined disaster for them, hard as it is, it might not come to pass.

Deal with the short term, they'll soon be old enough if they're not already to express their wishes in terms of visitation, if not vote with their feet. Trust them, this is the dad they got and it's their story. It's not perfect but if you commit to supporting them and walking through it with them they will be ok.

Working on it, thanks. Ironically the 30 year old girlfriend is an aspiring influencer/ adviser on female financial empowerment - you couldn’t make it up!

Good luck @nightmaredaydream

Ultimately you can only control your actions and behaviour, so keep on being the grown up in the room.

However, notably not pushing my ex to support his kids despite her divorce and separation seminars online!

It sounds like you are dealing with alot and your ex sounds very insensitive. It seems that your ex has decided to do what he has done and that you are left dealing with the fallout.

If your kids are young there probably is little you can do. Its natural for you to want to protect your kids but children are very resilient. It all sounds like a massive shock and it can be really scary feeling like you dont know the person you shared a life with at all and that you cant rely on them much or at-all anymore. Have you got a good counsellor? It may help with getting through these big life changes.

@nightmaredaydream pot and kettle right here!

Agree initial responses were deliberately obtuse. When my SIL had an affair and left her spouse for a colleague, she could not understand why her ex wouldn’t get over it and be happy to do activities together with their child. She’s now had a baby with a different man she knew for 5 months prior to conception, and they both publicly complain about how frustrated they are by the ex’s coldness! I imagine it’s easier to sympathize with the new couple if you’ve been in their shoes.

Agree there isn’t much you can do, but I really feel for you! I think keeping your distance and a cool head. Move on and don’t give them a target for their frustrations. If they struggle they’ll blame you and artificially prolong their relationship.

Try and comfort yourself with the knowledge that she has bagged herself a poor prize. Too old for her, not a good father or partner. You have got away and still have your children. Could be worse - you could be her.

Who’s the pot and who’s the kettle?

Weii that’s for sure. A financial disasterzone too though he may be hiding that

well it’s ok to not like it. There’s obvs a decade plus age gap between you and ex which you deemed ok. Maybe it’s infatuation, maybe they get on, who knows.

however, in reality you can’t do anything about it. You just need to stay neutral. It’s your exes choice and you just have to suck it up

your kids will just see her as dads girlfriend and if it doesn’t work out I doubt they’ll be too impacted.

Your ex likes them young. Is he wealthy?