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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex's new partner changing her name after 4 months

65 replies

Steffani87 · 07/06/2025 09:15

So my ex husband and I have been separated since January and two weeks after separated he announced he was seeing someone a week later she met my children without me being informed after asking to be, to support the children. After a month of knowing eachother they got engaged. He has now moved in with her and paid for her to change her surname to his.
Is this normal? After only 4 months of knowing eachother she calls him her husband and yet while doing the financial disclosure for our divorce he has no declared them moving in or them getting engaged nothing on his form it is like she doesn't exist.
I just wondered if this was normal behaviour or a scorned man or if this is just as crazy as I think it is

OP posts:
WildCats24 · 07/06/2025 09:23

Sounds crazy to me. Leave him to it….chances seem likely that this will blow up in his face. Grab the popcorn and wait.

superplumb · 07/06/2025 09:25

It isn't 4 months. Its been going on a lot longer I believe.

Sassybooklover · 07/06/2025 09:28

Is it possible your husband was seeing this woman during your marriage? It seems a little odd to suddenly announce he's seeing someone 2 weeks after you both split and are engaged in a matter of weeks. It smells of a man who's probably been having an affair for some time, to me. My ex partner's ex wife changed her surname from my exes to her new partner's within a few weeks - they'd been having an affair! Essentially I don't think the relationship is 'new' at all. Yes, changing a surname within a few months is ridiculous, so is getting engaged but like I said, it's really not a new relationship, so to them it's not crazy.

lunar1 · 07/06/2025 10:05

Another one who thinks the 4 months is the tip of the iceberg

Original poster
Steffani87 · 07/06/2025 12:01

Well he found her on match com in January just after we split and that was clear when I got the financial disclosure back last week.

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 07/06/2025 12:15

and paid for her to change her surname to his.

Schoolboy error. It’s free.

I’d focus on how it affects you financially, and how it affects your children.

MrsSunshine2b · 07/06/2025 12:17

How weird to change your surname without actually being married! DH and I got engaged after 12 weeks, sometimes you just know. If the kids are fine with her, I would just let them get on with it.

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 07/06/2025 12:19

Unlikely, a lot more likely the affair has been going on quite a while whilst you was married.

Poopeepoopee · 07/06/2025 12:21

How on earth do you know this?

I know loads of people by their first names but wouldn't for the life of me be able to tell you what their surnames are.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 07/06/2025 12:23

Pathetic move.

My ex got his ow's name tattooed on his forearm. The DCs just cringed. Moron. Ofc they're not together any more.

Watch your ex look like an utter berm on a year. Smile and just move on.

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 07/06/2025 12:25

They’ve lost their minds. Was he always this pathetic?

YodasHairyButt · 07/06/2025 12:28

He’s either known her for much longer than he’s admitting to or he’s completely lost his marbles. Be glad he’s a ex.

Pherian · 07/06/2025 12:28

How do you know he’s paid her to change her name. How do you know they are engaged. How do you know they permanently live together ?

Because it sounds to me like he’s a manipulative turd who is love bombing this woman and using her for a place to stay.

I wouldn’t pay it any mind.

You're going to need to move on. Whatever he’s doing in his relationships these days should be ignored. You can’t control what he does and you shouldn’t try.

What you can ask are what the arrangements are for the kids while they are at this house - where do they sleep, do they have their own room, beds. Etc.

As for whether or not she needs to be listed on any disclosures for your divorce is a question for your solicitor.

I know it’s a difficult time for you. It’s time to stop letting him stay rent free in your head.

I reckon he’s using this woman and he will move on and do all this again. He’s a hobo sexual now. A cock lodger. Laugh at him. He is pathetic.

Verydemure · 07/06/2025 12:29

I’d definitely make sure he corrects his financial disclosure form. If he’s living with someone, his expenses are halved, so it’s in your favour to make sure she is added.

Delphiniumandlupins · 07/06/2025 12:29

What has he paid for her to change her name?

It seems he has moved on very quickly but if you scorned him why do you care?

Original poster
Steffani87 · 07/06/2025 12:36

Thank you for your responses.
I know because he paid her deed poll it is on the financial form, she calls him her husband on social media, I don't stalk her but friends tell me, all of the payments are clear on his banks statements he had to disclose.

I don't really care just wondered if others thought it was crazy or just me.

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 07/06/2025 12:36

Why are you bothered?

If she is up her life its on her.

Escapingagain · 07/06/2025 12:38

Love bombing at its finest. He is probably doing his best to try and hurt you op. I don’t think it is normal!

Coconutter24 · 07/06/2025 12:40

Yes it does seem crazy but he’s also your ex so just leave him to it.

tammienorrie · 07/06/2025 12:42

Is she a non-UK national desperate for a passport?

LadyLapsang · 07/06/2025 12:43

So, does she now have the same surname as you and your children? Are you both Mrs X? If this is the case I would make sure the school and health professionals know she is not the mother or stepmother of the DCs.

AnxietySloth · 07/06/2025 12:43

Like the others I very much doubt they met two weeks after you split. Probably 6 months before.

honeylulu · 07/06/2025 12:48

Changing her name is weird but it doesn't need to be a concern for you. I would say it's a red flag for her, but that doesn't really affect your divorce.

A woman I was at school with and keep in touch with on FB had a love bombing romance with a new bloke. After just a few weeks he bought her a change of name deed as a surprise birthday present "because we are soulmates, we need the same name". (Obviously it didn't occur to him to change his name to hers for the "surprise" although that would have been equally red-flaggy.) She did it. Thought it so romantic. Within a year he revealed himself as a coercive controller and was violent to her. She got away and promptly changed her name back again.

What I'm trying to say is you are well shot of your ex, he sounds fucking awful and will never change.

BobbyBiscuits · 07/06/2025 12:49

Well it sounds pretty mad to rush things that much. Is he fabulously wealthy with movie star looks and a sparkling personality?

Even then it's fast. Anyway, just ignore him and don't speak to either of them. Except him about logistics relating to the kids.

Sadly you can't stop her being with them on his days. So what if she changed her surname though? That really makes no difference to you.

MissRaspberryRipples · 07/06/2025 12:56

Let them crack on with her taking his name. I'd be more bothered that he's introduced her to your kids within a week

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